yes, you may

By the time this post goes live, I'll be on my way to New York with my family in tow. Maybe Go will fall asleep on the plane and maybe he won't. Either way we will be spending the next two weeks in the United States.

I am, understandably, nervous about this trip. Even taking the airplanes out of the equation there's going to be a lot of traveling and I have no idea how Go will respond. Will he become jet lagged and sleep all day while keeping us up all night?

Ultimately it's up to me whether this trip is enjoyable or not. Go is going to do what he's going to do - it's out of my control. We're taking him to America so his grandparents and extended family can see him in person. It reminds me of last March when we took Mako's parents to New York. Their needs trumped ours, because they could not function without our assistance. Did I still enjoy myself? Hell yeah.

The key difference this time is that Mako's parents are, once provided with food and shelter, self-sufficient. We could bring them food and leave them in their hotel room for an evening. Go would not enjoy that.

So I don't know what to say. Am I excited? Of course? Am I nervous? Very much so. Am I scared? Nope. Worst case scenario, I go without sleep for two weeks while surrounded by friends and family. That beats spending another New Year's in Japan in front of the damned television, forced to watch an endless parade of celebrities sing and congratulate each other.

Also, I cannot predict my availability online. I'm bringing my netbook but I can't say how much time I'll be able/willing to sit in front of it. I hope to keep writing my list of my favorite and most disappointing things of the decade, as I'm only a third of the way finished.

So please forgive me if I miss out on Twitter or Facebook chatter. I'll see many of you in person soon. To everyone else, I'll catch you right here next year. FEIT...out

Labels: family, predicting the future, site news, travel

つづく...(Click here to read more)

Kind of a special day today. Twenty years ago, the Berlin Wall came down...on my sister's Nth birthday. Is it silly that both of these anniversaries are battling for my thoughts?

Yes, it is!

I mean, it goes without saying that my sister's birth was the more momentous occasion in my life. I have only vague memories of going to the hospital that day, and I doubt very much that nearly-three-year-old me had any concept of what a new baby meant. Records from that time suggest I didn't take to my new sibling very well, as I began taking out my frustrations on other children at nursery school. I actually became a bully during this time, if you can believe that.

Our relationship had real ups and downs as the years passed. There were times where we found common interests and played games together, but there were also times when I believe we seriously hated one another. It rarely manifested itself physically, but there was a lot of tension in the house by the time we were both in high school. Then again, with my parents' divorce I guess the entire family was quietly tearing itself apart so two kids arguing wasn't really a big deal.

Things improved vastly once the four of us were no longer expected to live in the same house anymore. First it was Mom and Dad that separated, then Salena started college and I moved out shortly after that. I can remember going through a lot of difficult personal issues at that time, but at least fighting with my sister was no longer one of them. It didn't take long for our relationship settle in a very cordial position and I think it's stayed there ever since.

When I look at my son and I see myself (let's face it, he looks just like me) I often wonder what would happen if we had another baby. It's obviously something Mako wants, and I think deep down I want it too. I think back to the bad times my sister and I had, of course, but as nasty as things got that can't overshadow the years of good times, particularly as adults in the last decade or so. Go and his theoretical younger sibling would clash over dumb things like the television remote and who got to sit on the pillow in the backseat of the car, but eventually the two of them would be able to go to the movies together and laugh at their parents' behavior.

Let's face it; a brother or sister is often the only person you can really talk to about your parents. If Salena hadn't been there to commiserate with, I would have needed twice as many psychologists and therapists to discuss all the stuff that went on in my head. In my mind I see myself being a loving and attentive father, but I'm going to make mistakes. When that happens, won't Go need a safety valve, a partner in crime, a comrade-in-arms?

Alright, I've turned this birthday greeting into a tortured look at my own past/horrible vision of Go's future. My point is, my sister means a lot to me despite the fact that we now only see each other once or twice a year, tops. If we never spoke again I'd owe her for the years that she was there for me. I certainly didn't offer much older brotherly advice in the ways of the world; hell, for years she was the one doing everything right and I was the one who needed guidance.

So thank you, Salena, for *cough cough* years of being there for me and nevermind the three or four when we made each other miserable. I know you're in the middle of a lot of stuff right now and I can only hope that my recent happiness has, in some small way, helped you figure out what you want to do next. If yes, I still owe you, but at least I could partially make up for the time when I wasn't much of a brother.

Happy Birthday.

Labels: anniversary, family, fuzzy memories, number one son, predicting the future

つづく...(Click here to read more)

I so wish I was watching baseball right now. On the other side of the planet, Game Four of the World Series is taking place but as I write this, I'm stuck sitting in the smallest school in Osaka. I've never wanted a portable television more than I do right now.

Sure, there's the internet, and I have used that to check in with the game from time to time. Last I checked the score was tied at 4 in the eighth. Not bad news but not great news either. I've only got one more chance to see a game live this week and that will be Game 5 on Tuesday (Japan time). If the Yankees win today*, I could potentially see them clinch it tomorrow. Otherwise, no matter who wins it I'll be missing out as Games 6 and 7 will take place before the weekend starts. Sigh.

Beyond the Series itself, one bit of news leaped off the screen and jabbed me in the eye: Derek Jeter won an award. Specifically, the Hank Aaron Award which "recognizes the most outstanding offensive performer in each League." Apparently fans have a say in choosing the recipient, so I guess that's bound to screw up the system, but even Yankee fans should be scratching their heads at this news, perhaps even hanging their heads in embarrassment.

Take a look at that announcement again. There's a brief synopsis of the winners' achievements this year. For Albert Pujols (the NL winner) they note his league-leading on-base percentage, slugging percentage, and home run total. That's good! For Jeter, the strongest thing they can offer is passing Lou Gehrig in career hits. That's not bad but it's completely irrelevant.

Jeter led the league in absolutely nothing this year, other than playing games at shortstop for the New York Yankees which isn't really an offensive category. He had a lot of hits and a decent batting average, but his home runs and RBI totals were remarkably low. Indeed, looking at this list of past Hank Aaron Award winners, his low numbers are second only to...Derek Jeter in 2006.

As professional comedy writer/angry sports fan Ken Tremendous said this morning, Jeter is perhaps the fifth-best hitter on his own team to say nothing of the entire American League. Without even looking it up I'm going to guess that Joe Mauer of the Twins had an outstanding year at the plate (ok, I later looked it up) but since he suffers the dual handicap of (A) playing in Minnesota and (B) not being named Derek Jeter, I guess none of the fans that voted had ever heard of him.

I'm not trying to knock on Jeter as a player; I am a fan of the Yankees and of him personally. When he does good things, I get a giddy feeling that has no rational explanation. There's just something fun about watching him succeed despite having years of success under his belt. It's like rooting for an underdog who is actually comfortably sitting on top of the world.

But why the hell do baseball writers and fans insist on handing him trophy after trophy? I know awards are subjective and sometimes they are not earned but simply received because people feel like it was "his time" or some nonsense. It's like when Martin Scorsese won his first Best Director Oscar for The Departed when he should have won it at least twice before for far better films.

This is Derek Fucking Jeter we're talking about. He's fantastically wealthy and handsome and he plays on the most popular team in the world. He's rolling in acclaim and probably has entire closets full of first-place ribbons and the like. Can't we just stop fawning over him and actually award players who deserve such accolades? Can't we give Joe Mauer a headline in November instead of a guy who's already in the midst of winning a World Series for the fifth fucking time?

*Note: The Yankees did win before I got home and uploaded this post onto the internet, but that still doesn't explain why Derek Jeter won another award. Boo...but yay!

Labels: baseball, frustration, predicting the future, Yankees

つづく...(Click here to read more)

Babies are like little paradoxes. On the one hand, babies are all about now. They have no patience or restraint. If Go is hungry, he cries until he is fed. If Go has to pee, he pees. Doesn't matter if he's got his diaper on or not, he just lets it flow. He has no idea how to "wait" so my wife and I must be very attentive and aware that his needs are immediate. There's very little in the way of preparation or planning, it's all about response time.

On the other hand, the birth of my son has sent my mind leaping into the future and wondering about the decisions I will have to make that will shape his outlook of the world. How will I explain religion to him? Will he accept my general abstaining from spirituality or will he start preaching to me? What kinds of questions will he ask me about sex, death, morality, and politics? Will either one of us be satisfied with my answers?

Then there are matters of pop culture: which Star Wars trilogy should he watch first? Who should be his first captain of the U.S.S. Enterprise? And whatever shall I do about video games?

It sounds silly to put pastimes on par with philosophical issues, but the reality is that all of this stuff is going to come up. Parents don't get to choose what their kids will be into but they certainly get a vote. I was raised in a Jewish household so Christmas has always felt foreign to me. My parents loved The Beatles so I've always been more interested in their music (and their peers) rather than Elvis. Can I really say that one of these culture-defining choices had more of an impact on me than the other?

Of course, there is no direct relationship between what my parents supported and what I adopted. They both strongly encouraged me to read more books, so much so that I eventually rebelled out of spite. They were fairly ambivalent concerning video games (never outright condemning them but not accepting them either) but I embraced them and continue to hold them in high regard.

So where does that leave me and Go? I haven't started playing music for him yet but I've been considering building him a playlist. Books are going to be important for his bilingual education; I wish there was a local library with any significant English collection but I don't believe there is. Movies will come later, I suppose, and we'll just have to see what's appropriate at that time. I can't wait to take him to a movie theater for the first time. It's just too bad there aren't any cinemas in Japan with gilded lobbies or curtains.

Video games are another story, for where do we begin? In my case, the seed was planted with the Atari and cultivated with the rise of arcades. Over the years, I played everything I could get my hands on and watched the medium evolve from abstract blocks and beeps to hand-drawn sprites to the advanced 3D models used today. Should I try to simulate that experience for Go with a (condensed) journey through gaming history? Or should he jump in at the present level and start his journey with Pokemon or whatever the kids are into nowadays?

The catch here is that the road of video games is largely a one-way street while other media is more timeless. I can read a fifty or even a hundred-year old book and I should be able to comprehend it and potentially enjoy it at face value. Likewise, when the time comes Go should have little trouble understanding Star Wars or Raiders of the Lost Ark even though they were made thirty years before he was born. But if Go even looks at a modern video game, how can he then pick up Super Mario Brothers?

The good news is that Japan offers me a lot of options in this matter. Arcades still exist in great quantities and a number of them carry older games to appeal to older gamers. There's also a roaring retro-game market in this country (which I wrote about earlier this week) so I could pick up an actual Famicom and a few of the classics to give Go his first taste in style. Of course, all three consoles have their share of downloadable versions of old games, to say nothing of emulators on the PC.

So what do you think? Should Go get the history lesson approach to gaming or just ride the wave of high resolution 21st century awesomeness? If so, is it worth picking up the authentic hardware to deliver the complete experience? Am I underestimating children by assuming that they can't simply go back and play old games once they get a taste of HD graphics and stereo sound? Are video games as timeless as films, books, or music?

Labels: Japan, movies, number one son, predicting the future, video games

つづく...(Click here to read more)

We've all heard the predictions: Digital Distribution is The Future of Gaming. Not only do all three major home consoles offer downloadable titles via their online stores, including past games that were once only available on physical media, the PSPGo will soon hit the streets without a slot for a cartridge or a disc. Meanwhile, Steam and a dozen services just like it are delivering games, new and old, to eager PC customers, further decreasing the ever-shrinking PC game share of retail shelf space. There's even OnLive, the magical "cloud" gaming device that threatens to eliminate all consoles and graphics cards in the ethereal future. The naysayers question the penetration of broadband Internet and point to the nebulous issues that digital rights management and end-user license agreements will bring in the all-digital age, but I offer a simpler counterpoint:

Super Potato.

For those unaware, Super Potato is a videogame store in Japan. There's more than one outlet but it's not a chain on par with Softmap or Yodobashi Camera. The shop I frequent is located at the outskirts of Osaka's Den Den Town and is sandwiched in between two similar-looking stores. Aside from the silly name it's quite easy for the uninitiated to take one look at it and decide it's just another game store before walking off to the nearby subway station.

Certainly, the first floor offers nothing out of the ordinary; their display of Wii and DS games spills out of the shop and onto the sidewalk because those are the hot properties in Japan right now. Even if you step inside, you'll be greeted by the usual Japanese videogame retail environment. The narrow shelves are packed with games (new and used) and there's the din of non-stop advertising, both from full-size TVs and from mini-monitors on the shelves themselves. There's not enough room to bend over to look at the bottom shelves, but if you're quick you can squat down and stand back up before someone accidentally steps on your hand.

It is on the second floor of Super Potato where all the magic is kept. Just climbing a few steps is enough to drown out the aggressive noise of the first floor with the charming tones of the 8-bit Famicom. There's a TV in the stairwell that runs a (seemingly) never-ending countdown of classic Nintendo games. Whether these are best-sellers, fan favorites or simply a random, nostalgia-driven assortment, I couldn't say because I've never asked. What I do know is that I always linger on those stairs to see what's "playing." It doesn't matter if it's a game I remember or one I've never heard of, because I am entertained either way.

The top of the stairs might as well be a time machine, because the entire floor is dedicated to retro gaming. The layout is similar to the floor below: there's still lots of TV screens and impossibly cramped conditions, but while the first floor is a cacophony the atmosphere of the second floor couldn't be more inviting. For starters, the shift from plastic and metal shelves to wooden panels is much warmer and soothing to the eyes. Likewise, the TVs don't show advertisements for games, they just show games. Some you can play, others are just demos, but both serve as a more honest and direct representation of gaming than any commercial.

And then there's the games: thousands and thousands of games. There's a rainbow-colored assortment of Famicom games on one shelf and stark-white rows of PlayStation games on another. Grey Super Famicom cartridges, golden Sega Saturn CD cases, massive black Neo Geo ROM carts, every console of the past twenty-five years has a shelf to call its own. I remember once seeing an entire arcade joystick board for sale, ripped from its cabinet and modified to work on a home console. I would have been tempted to buy it if it hadn't been larger than my dining room table.

For me, the main attraction is actually the "shelf of dreams" as I call it: all the consoles one needs to play the games in the store, individually shrink wrapped (or occasionally in the box) and stacked to the ceiling. I stare at it and think of all the birthdays, holidays and special occasions that these devices represented. I spent months saving my allowance whenever I wanted to buy a new console. Now I can look at this shelf and, with whatever cash I've got on me, walk out the door with at least five or six different machines. If I were to hit the ATM first, I could probably buy enough software for three entire childhoods of memories.

In short, Super Potato is love. There are plenty of retro game stores in Japan and at least ten of them are on the same street in Den Den Town, but none of them will tug at your heart, reach into your brain and ignite your passion for videogames like Super Potato can. I'm no longer into collecting but I still go out of my way to visit Super Potato every few months to bask in its warmth and live vicariously through its stockpile of nostalgia. I can go into an arcade and entertain myself by watching the attract modes and other players, but I can put a huge smile on my face just from staring at all the plastic sitting on Super Potato's shelves.

Which brings me to my original point: in a digital distribution retail environment, there won't be a Super Potato. Sure, the Wii and the PlayStation 3 will eventually be stacked on their obsolete console shelf alongside purple Gamecubes and Virtual Boys, but no one's ever going to be reminded of the summer of 2008 by looking at copies of Braid or Mega Man 9. If (when?) discs are ever completely eliminated from the videogame market, then the products we love will never be enshrined in any dedicated store like this. While I admit the online store model is a hell of a lot more organized and convenient for people like me who deplore the tediousness of handling all these discs and boxes, there's no emotional value to be found by pressing "browse by title."

A great example is Castlevania: Symphony of the Night, a game so beloved it can be found on both the PSN and Xbox LIVE as well as hidden inside Castlevania: The Dracula X Chronicles on PSP. I've clicked past it on the list of PSOne titles dozens of times without ever putting it in my shopping cart. But when I saw it among used PlayStation games here in Japan, I felt the memories flood my mind and I ended up buying it at twice the cost of PSN if only to play it in Japanese for a change.

Another example is Doom. Thanks to an insane New Year's sale on Steam, I bought the original and its sequel for ninety-nine cents apiece. I've barely touched them in the months since, but how could I resist such a deal? I've spent more than ninety-nine cents on novelty flavored Pepsi, so two of the great PC games of my teenage years was a no-brainer. However, I can promise you that seeing those titles on my list of installed games doesn't have a fraction of the impact that picking it up in my hands does. Whenever I see a used PlayStation version, I immediately recall the night my friends and I gathered all our resources and rented a copy of the game so we could have two PlayStations running on two televisions in order to play co-op mode. It was only one night but I'll never forget the sheer giddiness of the experience as I cackled at seeing my friend's space marine run across my screen.

I am a realist as well as an optimist. I think buying games online and having them "delivered" instantly to my hard drive is a wonderful thing. I resent juggling Blu-ray discs every time I want to watch a movie because I keep BioShock ready to go in my PS3 at all times, so the ease at which I can go from PixelJunk Eden to PixelJunk Monsters is very convenient. Yet the prospect of an all-digital (or all-streaming) future is a bleak one to me because I'll miss the colorful charm of Super Potato, where the games all cost money but the memories are free.

Labels: Castlevania, Den Den Town, Doom, fuzzy memories, Osaka, predicting the future, PS3, video games, Xbox

つづく...(Click here to read more)

What I absolutely didn't want to happen is slowly happening. All of my recent posts have been dominated by my son. Obviously this is a big deal and I should be writing about it, but this blog is more than just a record of what I'm doing. It's my virtual representative on the Internet, my cyber-proxy, my web face, and I'm not going to just hand it over to my baby boy just yet. This site may be called feitclub but Daddy is the clubmaster, not little Go.

The problem is there's not much else to discuss because Go is a real handful. Unless he's asleep, there's never any time for me or Mako to relax or even do regular chores. Go doesn't sit quietly and watch us live our life, he insists on being attended to at all times. I've only recently come to understand that I can reduce his cries with a little bouncing in my arms or other hands-on contact, but this is merely a standoff rather than a victory. The best possible outcome is he falls asleep for a few minutes, but typically he ends up crying until we feed him. I don't know where he's putting all this liquid sustenance we're giving him, but I guess babies have a very high metabolism and consumption/excretion ratio. Most of what we put it in doesn't come back out.

Work is still work, but there was this weird thing that happened this week that got me thinking. As seen in this tweet, I was introduced to a Japanese-Canadian girl who was in town visiting her grandparents. The school decided she should be my "assistant" for fifth period and they told me this more or less ten minutes before fifth period began. While this girl was very pleasant and I might have come up with something we could have done together with even an hour of foreknowledge, their plan put both of us in an extremely awkward position. I didn't know how to integrate her into my one-man show of wild gestures and she didn't know the first thing about teaching English in Japan. Even if she did, no twelve year old wants to stand in front of other twelve year olds and play teacher anyway! I had to do that once in sixth grade and it was mortifying (even though I did do a good job ^_^).

More than being another strange moment in my Japanese life, the incident reminded me just how different Japanese and American* children really are. At this point I've met my share of kids with English-speaking parents, some of whom grew up here in Japan and others who grew up elsewhere. The way they behave is just so fundamentally different I can't believe it. Those kids who grew up overseas are basically little people: you can talk to them about anything and they'll respond well to your questions, asking plenty of their own of you as well. But the ones who grew up in Japan are just really quiet. You can talk to them one on one but they'll barely say a thing. Everything about them (vocabulary, body language, speech patterns) seems restrained.

*American, Canadian, whatever. We're all on the same team and we're more alike than we admit it. This girl was from Toronto so she's practically a (upstate) New Yorker.

I don't need to tell you that I want Go to be more like this visiting child than any of my regular students. Whether their silence is a social pressure (they don't want to be seen speaking too much English in front of their peers) or simply the programming of Japanese institutions, I couldn't say. Either way I looked at this little girl and thought to myself "How can I make sure Go grows up like her?"

The reactionary answer is "Get the hell out of here" but I'm not ready to give up on Japan just yet. After all, Go is my son and I'm going to be actively doing my part to raise him and promote values that I feel are important. I'm not saying he needs to be a loud-mouth braggart but so long as I'm around, surely I can leave my mark on his personality as much as Japan can. The kids that I've met here, I don't really know their parents at all. Maybe they just all came from really quiet households? I don't have enough data to draw any conclusions, so I shouldn't assume that Go will automatically grow up as some kind of tortured soul in Japan.

*sigh* You see what this baby is doing to me? Two weeks of staring at his cute little face and I'm already worried about his future and whether or not I'm doing enough for him. Babies are powerful little creatures, let me tell you.

Labels: Japan, number one son, predicting the future, teaching

つづく...(Click here to read more)

So it seems everyone has baby questions for me and the answer to all of them is "soon." The baby will be born soon, Mako will enter the hospital soon, we will formally declare the baby's name soon, and I'm going to be pushed one step closer to adulthood soon. What I can't say is "when" because we simply don't know. But it's soon, that's for sure.

I spent Friday night with Mako at her parents' house again and while that isn't getting any easier, at least I get to sleep. For reasons I cannot explain I have not been sleeping well in my own bed. It could be a simple matter of not having my wife next to me, or maybe it's just stress, but since Mako went back to her childhood home I have barely managed to sleep more than four or five hours at a time. True, I should be going to bed earlier as it is harder to resist TV and video games when you're alone, but even when I lay down before eleven I'll wake up once or twice during the night.

Mako is really caught between her needs and her wants right now. She tells me about things she wants to do all the time, but with all that weight and a new life form squirming around inside her she simply cannot do much of anything without a long rest before, during, and after. Even going to the movies is out of the question for her, which is a shame because she seems interested in Terminator 4 and it's opening in Japan real soon. I would have thought sitting down would be an easy activity in her condition but it seems that she's worried about having to sit STILL for such a long time. Plus she's been having some issues with her feet that are best dealt with by elevating her lower half. There's certainly no room for that in a movie theater.

I really feel torn about how our lives are being wedged apart right now, even if it's only temporary. I can't just go down there everyday because it's too far. I could spend my weekends there but I fear my sanity would snap. There's so much pressure being a guest in someone's house, especially an overnight guest and especially especially one who has to really concentrate to communicate at all. So I've been spending one night a week there and then leaving, even though I feel lonely when I'm at home all by myself. I feel bad when she's not around but I can't manage to be with her for more than eighteen hours or so because there's nothing for us to do. It's a weird Catch-22 and it's entirely in my own head.

At the very least, I didn't spend Saturday night alone. I went out to Osaka and met Alex and another friend of his, Rachel. We didn't really "go" anywhere or "do" anything as much as we went out on the streets and spent the evening together. We found great amusement in people watching in Dotonbori (this trash collector and this apparent performance artist being two of the highlights) and enjoyed a delicious Western-style pizza at nearby Slices in Amerika-mura. Eventually we wandered into a cheapo karaoke joint that had shoddy drink service and questionable song selection but it more than made for it in price. I spent less than 1000 Yen for two hours which is an incredible bargain, especially for a Saturday night. Combine that with our policy of buying drinks in convenience stores rather than bars and we all managed to have a great night without spending much money at all.

Meanwhile, it's Monday again and I find myself still "single" and no closer to understanding when my life will completely change. Will the baby arrive in time for Father's Day? Will it be born during the week? Will it be born tomorrow? Perhaps that's what's keeping me up at night more than anything else. At least when I sleep next to Mako, I know that IF the baby decides to join us, I'll be right by her side. If the baby comes in the middle of the night and we're apart, well, I don't have a car and there are no trains...

	687
25
lab.drwicked.com

Labels: Alex, family, friends, Osaka, predicting the future, pregnancy

つづく...(Click here to read more)

I've got bad news everybody: hanami season is over. Even here in Hana Town where the high elevation postpones all the major seasonal changes by a week or two, the pink cherry blossoms are falling from the trees like snow in the wind. In a matter of days, all the trees will look green again.

I took advantage of the beautiful weather this weekend to fit in a bit more sakura time with a long walk on Saturday to a nearby park. Mako and I are very fortunate that we live less than a mile from a major hanami destination in Osaka. Since she wasn't up to joining me last weekend, I felt pretty strongly about trying to spend some time as a couple in the presence of all this pink and white wonderfulness. Unfortunately, she's still super pregnant and cannot lounge on the ground for a picnic, but we settled for walking through the park and just looking around for about forty minutes.

For lunch, we had very un-Japanese pizza at an Italian-style pizzeria in Ikeda. We hadn't been there as a couple since summer (at least) and I last went there in November with Chad. It's a great little place and I hope someday to break my habit of always ordering the quattro fromage pizza that includes just enough gorgonzola to blow my mind without overpowering the other cheeses. Yet every time I go I see it on the menu and remember how awesome it is, so I fold and settle for an extraordinary pizza experience. I mean, I love variety but how I can refuse culinary greatness that I already know exists?

We hit the video store on the way home and then checked out the brand-new supermarket that opened on Friday in our (figurative) backyard. Our neighborhood is pretty small and relatively quiet despite the proximity of a train line, but we have been seeing a lot of growth in the past year. New houses are springing up all around us, usually three or four in every lot big enough to fit one normal American house. We already had a local supermarket but it's closed every Monday and the prices aren't so hot, so we usually do our shopping at the next-nearest market a mile away. It was convenient for Mako to stop there on her way home from the station, but since she doesn't commute anymore it's become considerably less so.

With a new supermarket and lots of new houses, I can't deny that this neighborhood is looking better and better the longer I live here. I'm still not convinced this is the right spot for me - it's nice to be near a train station but I want to be closer to Osaka - but I wonder if I'll ever become convinced that my placement was perfect. I can get to work in about an hour and the heart of Osaka in only thirty minutes. Supermarkets, restaurants, city hall, a 100 Yen shop and two video stores are within walking distance of our apartment. The only issue left is the apartment will soon become too small as our baby grows up and needs more space to himself, but why do I still feel like something's missing? If we moved into a house a few stops closer to the city, would things really be better than they are here?

After all that walking Mako needed to crash and take a nap, so I took the opportunity to finally sit down and watch Tropic Thunder. The movie was every bit as funny as my friends had told me it was. Indeed, I was laughing out loud before the studio logos even popped up because the movie was preceded by hilarious mock advertisements that both introduced the main players in the film and set the tone of the story. Making fun of Hollywood actors and politics is hardly a challenge but this movie still nails every target it sets its eyes on. The fake trailers for movies that do not exist are simultaneously absurd and completely plausible. I fully expect to see "The Fatties" turn into a real property by 2010.

I was also impressed at how un-controversially the allegedly controversial comedic material was handled. I remember being weirded out when I saw pre-release photos of Robert Downey Jr. in "blackface" and when I heard the film made liberal use of the word "retard." Yet when watching the actual movie and seeing/hearing this stuff in the context of the satirical story, it all made perfect sense. It was also hysterical. Tropic Thunder is one of the few movies I've rented that I immediately wanted to watch again. Sadly, being a new release I only paid for the one night rental, so I had to bring it back on Sunday...which is basically the only thing I did all day.

I did manage to connect, however briefly, with a few friends online this weekend though. The Trout's visit to Japan is less than three weeks away at this point and we had been meaning to have a conversation about potential activities and sights during his stay. However, when we actually got to talking things became preoccupied with the Xbox. As I feared, it was impossible to discuss his visit while navigating a zombie-filled hospital in Left4Dead. On the bright side, I got to play an Xbox game with my friends 7000 miles away. The experience was pretty seamless too; there was a hint of lag between when I pulled the trigger and when zombies fell over dead (um, again), but all this meant was I had to adjust my aim and fire a bit sooner. They seemed to run past my shots but then they would suddenly rupture and collapse. It was like I was killing them en passant.

I also got Mike on the horn via Skype yesterday morning. He is in Kuala Lumpur and doing fine, although he has yet to move into an apartment. It was great to check in with him, even if it was briefly and over a pretty poor connection. I hope we can see each other in real life before the end of the year, in any country.

In the meantime, I'm back at work and I'm now expected to teach again. Of course, they haven't finished created the lessons plans for this semester yet, but that's another story. An old and repetitive story which I am sick of dealing with every semester, but another story all the same. Good night.

Labels: food, friends, Japan, Left4Dead, movies, predicting the future, Xbox, zombies

つづく...(Click here to read more)

I'm back at work again today without any classes to teach or projects to work on. It should be relaxing but it continues to irk me that I am just left to drift for weeks at a time like this. At least at this school I have a good enough relationship with the students that I can spend time outside playing with them.

Before I did that though, I went outside to just take a walk around. Hana Town is a very quiet place and this school is one of the more removed ones from anything resembling urban or even suburban life. The school sits on top of a hill surrounded by farms and fields. I walked to the end of the playground and went down a stairway I never descended before. I knew it was there, because I've seen a number of children head towards the corner of the yard and disappear after school, but in all these months I never actually saw it for myself.

The stairs are stone and uneven and they offer yet another view of the farmland that dominates Hana Town. I spent a good ten minutes on that stairway, not climbing or descending but just standing there and looking out at the countryside. I saw a tractor and I could hear the occasional car in the distance, but I couldn't see any other people or machines. Mostly what I saw and heard was pure nature - birds and bugs with the wind rustling the bamboo.

Staring out at the peaceful side of Japan, I was suddenly nostalgic for my own childhood. No, I didn't grow up around farms or forests, but in suburban Westchester there is plenty of nature for children to enjoy. We had a yard with trees on our property. I could walk from my home to two different parks, one with a playground and the other with a river. More than anything, it was quiet throughout the day and night. Our street was not a busy one. The biggest vehicles that came by were the school bus twice a day and the garbage truck twice a week.

I know I tell people "I'm from New York City" and I mean it, but it's somewhat of an exaggeration. I was merely born there and I grew up loving it from afar, living in its humongous shadow in my small village. I know I enjoy city life and I feel like where I live now isn't urban enough to satisfy me, but standing on those stone steps and just being outside in the quiet outdoors, it felt great. It felt really great.

So do I really want what I say I want? Would I be happier living in a house in Osaka or Kobe? Or would I prefer to live in this rural area where my family would have more space to ourselves? Either way I would be choosing to distance myself from one type of environment by selecting to live in the other. What's better to be close to: people or trees? Stores or farms? Trains or tractors?

Ultimately I would have to consider Mako's feelings, as this is not the kind of decision I can make by myself anymore. Mako grew up in a much more urban setting. Her childhood home is just a few hundred feet from a major rail line that has frequent express trains rocketing past every few minutes. I remember I could hear them over our Internet chats quite clearly. Where we live now, we're close to a train but it's not a major artery. The bells of the automatic crossing gate are louder than the trains themselves.

But really, more than actually making a decision here, I'm suddenly caught up with trying to understand my own though process. I know I enjoy myself more - MUCH more - when I spent time in an urban center. Yeah, I hate dealing with crowds and Japanese cities are even noisier than American ones because of everything and everyone here seems to have a loudspeaker or a megaphone to get your attention. This doesn't change the fact that my entire mindset and feeling of self-worth increases when I'm navigating subways and walking down dim alleyways. Put simply, I feel more alive when I'm in a busy city with tall buildings and underground passageways.

Yet there is a significant part of me that just wants to run away from all that. I want to have a house where the neighbors can be seen through the window but not heard through the walls. I want to wake up in the morning to birds rather than clanging bells. I want to fall asleep to the sounds of insects rather than motorcycles. Growing up, I had all that but I kept dreaming of living in New York. Even having spent about ten months staying with my father in Manhattan during my college years, I still can't say with any certainty that it was better than the lifestyle I knew as a child.

With a son on the way I'm forced to ask myself the same questions my parents must have asked themselves in 1976. They both grew up in New York City but they chose to leave. Was it for my sake, because they wanted me to play outside rather than be holed up in an apartment? Or did they simply dream of a suburban life that they themselves never knew but always wanted? It certainly wasn't for convenience's sake, as my father would spend the next twenty years commuting into the city for his career. Is my lifelong desire to live in a city an ironic reversal of their intentions?

Taking it one step further, which country do I really want to raise my son in? Japan offers me more opportunities for steady work and a decent wage, but I fear the cramped living conditions and the "memorization over problem solving" system of education. America would mean more familiar (read: comfortable) surroundings and less cultural ostracization for me, but then Mako would have big hurdles to overcome and I have no idea what kind of job either one of us could find in the United States right now.

Whichever environment we choose for our family, be it Apartment vs House, City vs Suburbs, or even Japan vs US, I suspect we'll always wonder what things could have been like had we chosen differently. If I can keep that in mind, I might have less trouble making the "right" choice and just choose what feels best.

	891
29
lab.drwicked.com

Labels: family, fuzzy memories, predicting the future, Write or Die

つづく...(Click here to read more)

Five years of feitclub.com? It's true, it's true.

Yes, I made my very first blog post on April 1st, 2004, beginning my journey into the blogosphere. I knew my primary motivation at the time was to force myself to get back into the habit of writing, a task I have always struggled to perform. My failure to write papers and essays in a timely fashion drove my English and Social Studies/History teachers crazy and nearly failed me out of high school (and practically sunk my initial college aspirations). I simply couldn't get myself motivated enough to sit down and start writing when school demanded it, even though I was always OK with writing stories about myself. Eventually my disdain for writing drove me to leave school altogether, much to the chagrin of my parents.

Even as I scorned the usefulness of academic writing, I occasionally had flashes of productivity for my own needs. I kept a very thorough journal during my first visit to Japan in 2001, filling an entire notebook in only three weeks. I found the experience extremely satisfying even though hardly anyone read it. I wrote about myself for myself and it felt great. Three years later, I was nearing the end of my postal service career and on the verge of launching myself back into school, so I knew my life would undergo some major changes and I would have to start writing again. This knowledge, combined with the general "hipness" blogs were enjoying at the time, prompted me to start my own blog in the hopes that writing regularly about my life would help break down my resistance to writing on an assigned topic.

I've already admitted that my grander ideas for the site have completely failed, but aside from a dry spell than covered most of my initial year in the JET Programme, the blog has been a success for me. It didn't exactly make writing papers in school easy but it certainly trained me to sit in front of a keyboard for long stretches of time. Its greatest moments were unquestionably during my study abroad experience at Kansai Gaidai, serving as both a portal into my life for my family and friends back home as well as offering me a record of falling in love with Mako. Spending nearly every evening writing about my new environment as well as my new relationship forced me to really think about what was happening to me.

What does the future hold for this site? I would say my aspirations have changed even if my motivations remain the same. I still want to practice writing but the new goal is not academic but...dare I say it...professional. As insane as it sounds, I think my future is in writing despite all of the problems I've had with it over the years. I don't know whether that means trying to break into journalism or trying to write fiction, but I know that when I write, I feel like I am genuinely accomplishing something. Even though I haven't "improved" in any tangible sense (my readership and my productivity are a fraction of what they once were), my attitude has completely changed towards writing. It's no longer a burden or an obligation, but an opportunity.

Speaking of the future, the birth of my son is now a mere ten weeks away (give or take). I know that once the baby is here there will be a struggle on two fronts to maintain my interest in writing. One will be the simple issue of finding time to write while taking care of a brand new human being. The other is avoiding the perils of becoming a vacuous "baby blogger," where suddenly every single post is about my son and the issues that come with raising a child. I've seen so many others turn their blog space into banal accounts of diaper-changing, baby's-first-everything, and cutesy photos that it frightens me.

On that note, I feel the time is right to finally reveal the name I have chosen for my son. I know I resisted this but I can't stand sitting on my brilliant idea any longer: the baby's name will be...

5

Yes, 5. Not Five, but 5. With my son growing up in an international, bilingual household and having to juggle at least two different cultures as he matures, it is unfair to label him with a name that is rooted in only one language. By naming him 5, my son can adapt to any environment because numerals are universal. English speakers can call him "Five," Spanish speakers can call him "Cinqo," and Japanese people can call him any number of things because Japanese numbers are weird like that. But that's the point: with an entire globe of different words and ideas, my son cannot simply retreat into one familiar tongue and insist that strangers address him in one way. He will be forced to open his mind and learn new words with each new person he meets. At the same time, he will be free of the burden of correcting anyone on the pronunciation of his first name. His last name, sadly, is another story.

Why 5 instead of 7, 10, or 42? Well, I felt a single digit was important for brevity's sake (have you ever heard 99 in French? Interminable!) and of all the numbers from 0-9, 5 felt both masculine and manageable. It's a nice round number that's easy to count with. Plus, if he ever forgets his business card or a pen, he can simply open his hand and point to his fingers. 0 sounded cool, but it has some negative connotations and, let's face it, you can't count to 0 easily. 1 looks like I, 2 looks like V or "peace" on your fingers, 3 is too mockable (it looks like boobs or an ass), 4 reminded me of golf, 6 is too close to "sex," 7 is written in Europe with a line through the middle, 8 looks like "infinity," and 9 would cause too many problems in Germany.

No, 5 it is. I'm weighing potential middle names just so he can have another initial to work with (5F isn't quite right) but I'm not sure what other symbols I can use. It can't be another numeral because that would complicate his first name. People would see 5 0 Feit at start calling him "Fiddy" or worse, "Five-o." Perhaps we could use a kanji as a nod to his Asian heritage? How does 5 伍 F look to you? If you don't know what it means, you can look it up.

Labels: anniversary, family, fuzzy memories, predicting the future, site news, writing

つづく...(Click here to read more)

I listen to a weekly "horror podcast" called Pseudopod. The quality varies wildly from week to week, but the general tone of the show ranges from "creepy" to "disturbing." Yet nothing on Pseudopod could ever scare me as much as this week's episode of This American Life.

I am not, as a rule, frightened by public radio. Neither the concept nor the content are typically unsettling. Most of the time the stories are quirky, interesting, or even thought-provoking. I guess this latest episode about parental worst-case scenarios falls under the latter category, but it did so while absolutely scaring the hell out of me.

My wife and I talk a lot about our forthcoming baby, mostly focusing on the necessary preparations that we need to make before he is born, but we do ask ourselves the question: "What kind of baby will he be?" We look at her sister's kids as two wildly different baby archetypes. Her son Daichi is loud (I should say LOUD), lively, and constantly demands attention. Her daughter Mizuki is quiet and rarely makes a fuss. Mizuki may very well turn into Daichi over time (she is only sixteen months old) but I have been interacting with Daichi for some time now and I feel like he has always been a noisy, active child.

This American Life forced me to think about what kind of teenager my son will be, thanks to two terrifying tales of families nearly destroyed through a few simple mistakes. One mother found her young teens drifting away after she divorced their father and when she tried to pull them closer, they rebelled and eventually ran away from home. While she certainly treated them with a bit of a heavy hand, I'm not sure how else she could have responded. Had she gone easy on them after they started skipping school and partying all night, surely that would not have reeled them back in? Then again, when they ran away they descended into even more self-destructive behavior and one of them almost died from a heroin overdose. Given the choice, I think I'd rather have my son disrespect me in my own house than not know if he's dead or alive on the streets.

The second horrifying story was a teen who screwed up at school. His grades were sinking, he was caught stealing school supplies, and when he threw some lit matches in a gym locker, he feared the worst when the school threatened to expel the guilty party. Despite having friends, a caring older brother and two "disappointed" but obviously attentive parents, he tried to kill himself. It wasn't even the first time and he openly told other students he was going to commit suicide. Again, the parents and teachers were right to disapprove of his outright criminal actions, but how could they have better expressed themselves so as not to lead him to choose suicide as the best response?

I think back to my teenage years and it scares me even more because I wasn't too far off from these kids. No, I never got caught doing anything outrageous like arson or theft, but my friends and I did a lot of stupid things that could have easily gotten us into a lot of trouble. I destroyed school property on a number of occasions, and when things got bad in high school I would cut class. In the real world, I shoplifted once or twice and I had plenty of opportunities to drink or smoke whatever I wanted (although I never did while I was in school). Had someone ratted me out on my bad behavior, had a store clerk been a bit more attentive, had I been more receptive to the offers of alcohol or drugs...basically, I was a few coin-flips away from being in the exact bind that these kids got themselves into.

Yet here I sit today in a very fortunate position, happily married with a decent job and a baby on the way. I narrowly avoided wrecking my life and instead merely put myself on the shelf for a few years before getting back on track. Was it merely luck? Did my parents do something right? Was there something else they could have done to prevent the (shallow) ditch I dug for myself? These are now the questions I'm asking myself, both in looking back at my own life and looking ahead to my son's future antics. If he strays or puts himself at risk, will I make the right call? Worse yet, is there a right call to make? That's the scariest thought of all.

Labels: family, fuzzy memories, predicting the future, the horror, the Law, This American Life

つづく...(Click here to read more)

My classes are over! If only that meant I didn't have to go to work anymore...

Yes, Tuesday was my final day of teaching for the semester. Before you flip out, remember that the Japanese school system is broken into three, rather than two, semesters, and this one ends next week. Starting in early April the new school year will begin and I'll probably be teaching students again by the time you Americans are paying your taxes. Now that I mention it, I guess I'm supposed to pay taxes too? Don't want to keep the Wall Street executives from collecting their precious fucking bonuses, now would I?

Ugh, let's not go there. With the end of the school year upon us, our theme in English class this semester for the older students was "My Dream." Basically, we taught them a few job names in English (fire fighter, dentist, pilot, etc.) and then asked them the big question we all love to pose to small children: "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Now that all of the children have answered that question, I present to you the unscientific, off-the-top-of-my-head results.

Boys were mostly about sports. I can't tell you how many times I heard a boy tell me he wanted to be a baseball player or a soccer player. Other popular choices were ping pong, rugby, auto racing, and there was at least one who wanted to play in the NBA someday. Most of those who expressed an athletic interest mentioned playing in America or Europe, possibly in the Olympics as well. I think they recognize that being a pro baseball player is fine, but being a Major League ballplayer is where it's at. Sadly, there was significantly less interest expressed in domestic sports like judo or sumo.

Another surprise was how few boys said they wanted to be a farmer. Not only was it one of the words we practiced, making it an easy choice, but I work in a rural area where most of these kids grow up around farms. Either they all are "reaching for the stars" and hoping to get out of Hana Town someday or farming just isn't a "cool" job to tell people about. Still, there was a lot of interest in fishing which is basically farming without the soil. I guess an island nation is going to have a lot of respect for fisherman, even though Hana Town is in the mountains with no ocean in sight.

Lots of boys picked fire fighter and policeman as potential careers, most of whom were sons of said professionals. Guess that's the same as it is in the States. I remember all the boys in my class who were into the fire/police departments had parents who were already working in those fields. I'll bet there's a lot of pressure to follow in dad's footsteps in both countries. Will I encourage my son to become a teacher? Will I still be teaching when my boy is old enough to even understand what he wants in life?

There were more than a few boys who talked about science, typically choosing archaeology (for the dinosaurs) or astronomy (for space). A few said they wanted to be astronauts. Others mentioned the Japanese Self-Defense Force and carpentry. Comedy was, unsurprisingly, another popular vocation. Not only was "comedian" one of the words we practiced, but Osaka is seen as the comedy capital (or should I say komedy kapital, nyuk nyuk?) of Japan. Nearly all of the performers on television are from the Kansai area and the dialect is closely associated with laughter. Note to Japanese students everywhere: using Kansai-ben is a sure-fire way to put a smile on a Japanese person's face.

Girls were tragically limited in their employment aspirations. At least 75% said they wanted to be a teacher of some kind. Most of them talked about work in a hoikuen (the Japanese equivalent of day care/nursery school) because they "love children." The remaining girls typically wanted to get into the makeover business: hairdressers, beauticians, fashion designers, make-up artists, nail artists, etc. A few entrepreneurs wanted to run their own bakery, flower shop, or clothing boutique. You see the pattern, right? All of the girls' interests are essentially hobbies and completely compatible with being a housewife. If that's what they really want, I'm not going to condemn them for it, but I hoped a few of them would aim their sights a bit higher. At the very least, I thought the recent high-profile coverage of Japanese female athletes (Ai Miyazato, Ai Fukuhara, and the 2008 Olympic softball team have been television mainstays for some time now) would draw a few girls into sports, but hardly any of them expressed any curiosity in athletics.

So what don't Japanese kids want to be when they grow up? The American standards of "doctor" and "lawyer" were ignored. Only one boy wanted to be an architect (which is what I wanted to be when I was in elementary school). For all their aesthetic talk, not a single girl wanted to be a model and I can only remember one mentioning acting or singing. And not a single student, boy or girl, said they wanted to be prime minister. I guess that shouldn't surprise me, seeing as how Japanese prime ministers have such fleeting cultural relevance (in two years I've seen two resign and the third is heading south in a hurry), but I can't help but think back to my childhood and how presidents and other political figures were so dominant. Yet when I suggested the idea early in the exercise, most students laughed. I think that's a bad sign.

But my favorite story of all this came on Tuesday when I was teaching my last class of the semester, specifically a large fifth grade class. They had actually memorized their presentations and so they were coming up in front of the class one by one and delivering their speeches pretty quickly. One boy got up and said "I want to be a yakuzaishi," which is Japanese for "pharmacist." But all I heard was "I want to be a Yakuza" and I kind of freaked out. Some quick follow-up questions made it clear that I was WAY OFF, and everyone had a laugh when they realized what I thought he said.

To think, I almost had Henry Hill as a student.

Labels: Japan, JET, predicting the future, teaching

つづく...(Click here to read more)

Mako went to the doctor on Friday expecting to receive a new picture of our baby and possibly find out whether we are expecting a boy or a girl. Unfortunately, she got neither. All is well otherwise, but we were hoping to finally choose a name for the baby already. Every day we continue to refer to it as an "it" or "DJ" makes me feel that much more insulated from the reality of this. I want to stop tiptoeing around the details and start getting psyched about my kid, and thinking about "DJ" just doesn't do it for me.

Another reason I'm eager to give our baby a name is the long elimination process Mako and I went through to narrow our options down to two finalists. Much to my surprise, we had exactly the opposite philosophy regarding DJ's names. As hard as I lobbied for a Japanese name, Mako wanted to a more Western name that might also pass for Japanese (but not necessarily). So for every Nobu or Nozomi I suggested, Mako wanted an Amy or, believe it or not, Daniel. She never explained why she was so disinterested in Japanese names although she did dismiss a number of my ideas as "too old-fashioned." Guess there aren't many babies named Masamune these days.

From my perspective, I feel it's important to give our child a Japanese name because he or she is already getting my Western last name. Even though we have yet to decide where DJ will go to school, I feel that it would be incredibly unfair to expect a Michael Feit to fit in around here. At least a Japanese name would would give him/her a chance. If DJ grows up in the States, then an all Western name would obscure his Japanese heritage. It's not that I think everyone needs to wear their national backgrounds on their sleeve, but a little acknowledgment to the past is nice. There also won't be any middle names to fill that option, because middle names are too cumbersome to deal with in Japan. I can't tell you how many forms I've had to re-write over here because I neglected to write my middle name down. They just don't understand its symbolic, superfluous nature and insist that leaving it unwritten means I am somehow not the same person my that identification says I am.

Then again, Japanese customs may render my naming ideas moot. The occasions where Japanese people actually use each other's first names are stunningly rare. Whether it's children on the playground or students in college or colleagues at work, family names are the primary method of identification. It if weren't for name tags and staff lists, I wouldn't even know any of my coworkers' first names and the ones I know I still don't get to use. Mako spent years working in a hotel but everyone always used her last name right up until her farewell party last year, without bothering to change when she got married and took my name. Hell, sometimes Mako refers to her sister's husband by his last name, which actually isn't his name anymore by way of a long story I don't completely understand.

So there's a chance that no matter what, my son or daughter will just be known as Feit...just like me. I guess I can live with that, but that still doesn't mean I'm naming my kid Junior. There's plenty of room for more Feits in the world, but one Daniel Feit will do in this family.

Labels: family, Japan, predicting the future, pregnancy

つづく...(Click here to read more)

We had another one of those meetings yesterday that started well after school ended and ran for hours. It was productive and we talked a lot about the upcoming school year, both in Hana Town and the next town over, but by the time I got home I was exhausted. This has been one of the most draining weeks I've had and next week looks similarly stacked.

There is something that came up yesterday that I really wanted to write about, as it is an interesting addendum to the stuff I was talking about in my last post. One of my supervisors was at last night's meeting and we talked about general life stuff. She casually asked me, as so many other Japanese people do, if I planned to stay in Hana Town "for a long time" (the Japanese word she used was zutto). I'm never sure how to best answer this question but I was quick to point out that my time on JET is finite, so there would come I time when I would have to leave. She then told me that even though the JET Programme only allows for so many renewals, it would be possible to maintain my position with the town beyond the arbitrary cut-off point that JET adheres to. While I had heard talk of this from other JETs, this was the first time someone at my Board of Education ever brought it up, making it seem less like a "maybe you might be able to stay" statement and more like a "we want you here, please stay" request.

The notion that my JET tenure was finite had been looming over nearly all of my decisions for the past year or so. I knew I wanted this job and I was proud of having earned it after working so hard, so it felt silly to walk away from it before the formal end arrived. But now I'm hearing serious talk about there being no end, at least not a predetermined one, and that changes everything. My issues concerning how long I really want to be an English teacher are not magically erased by this news, but this is nevertheless a major change concerning my future job prospects. Suddenly there is no looming axe, no forced move, no mandatory job search or decision whether or not to return to America. I could, in theory, remain where I am for many years to come.

All of this begs the question: is this "good" news? My first instinct, rather rationally, is to say "You bet your ass it is." With thousands of people losing their jobs every week out there in the world, I have every right to be thankful that my own job appears secure for a longer stretch of time than I previously believed. On the other hand, I am a guy who doesn't handle change well, even when change is the most preferable option on the table. I spent six years working in the post office even though I knew it was the worst job imaginable after a matter of months. I stayed because the money was good and I didn't have anything better to do. My only way out was to walk away cold and go back to school. Here in Japan, I don't have those kinds of objections to teaching English but once again, the money is good and I don't have anything better to do. Do I have the courage to walk away again and try something else, to take a chance like I did in 2004, in order to improve my quality of life? Maybe a deadline was important to keeping me honest about what I want in life.

Either way, this is not the kind of news that demands immediate action. It is a big deal, yes, but I'm still going to work on Monday and I'm still hoping to get that contract extension I requested. But like little DJ, this news will only get bigger as time goes on. Am I prepared to deal with the consequences? I have no idea.

Labels: Japan, JET, job hunting, predicting the future

つづく...(Click here to read more)

I know you college types are just starting to get back to class but at the elementary school level we are up and running at full speed by now. While you knowledge-hungry elitists are just getting back from vacations, maybe shopping for textbooks or reviewing your latest syllabi (syllabuses?), these kids have long since returned to school and their all-too-brief winter break is already a distant memory. Of course, I say that as I sit in an empty classroom in the middle of a day when I have no classes to teach, so some teachers are busier than others. As English is surely the black sheep of subjects here in Japan, I will have a few more days of adjustment before anyone notices that I am, in fact, here to teach children as opposed to sit in the office and type quietly on my laptop.

I'm exaggerating, of course. Some schools had me start working with students on the very first day of classes back on January 9th. Other schools, such as where I am currently sitting, prefer to let the individual teachers sign up for English classes, thereby guaranteeing periods of extreme idleness at the start and end of the semester while everyone tries to squeeze their lessons with me into the middle. So while I had no classes last Tuesday or today, I have five next Tuesday and again the Tuesday after that. It's frustrating, but then I remind myself that they don't do it out of spite, they do it because they simply don't care. I'll take negligence over hate any day.

It is in the midst of this odd period that I filed my request for an extension of my contract. The hiring and placement process for the JET Programme is so incredibly long that my Board of Ed needs to know almost six months beforehand whether or not I intend to renew my contract or not. The renewal forms are distributed three months prior to that in case people are hoping for transfers which take even longer. Hence the first steps in renewing or ending a JET Programme-brokered contract take place in October, only two months after newbies arrive and only one month after classes start.

As stressed and anxious as I was in my first year, I knew this job and life in Japan was what I wanted so I didn't hesitate in re-signing. This year I actually had time to reflect on how my job has changed (nearly entirely for the better) and think about what I want to achieve next year. Factor in a forthcoming baby and the craptastic job market both here and in the States (two big reasons not to start passing out resumes this summer) and I felt pretty comfortable submitting my request yesterday.

If I have one major reservation it is not knowing what might change in April when the new school year starts. Last year it brought about some serious shifts of personnel, including new principals at every single school that I visit. Later that month it was decided that I would stop going to the tiny mountain school in favor of increased classes at other, slightly larger schools. Again, looking back I would say that almost everything that changed was for the better, but I cannot reasonably assume that I will be as fortunate this April.

There's also the unknown element of a new ALT coming to Hana Town. The JET who currently works in the middle schools around here (and that one tiny mountain school) is at the end of his tenure. While they could still potentially offer him some kind of new contract, odds are he will move on and they will request a new ALT. This will obviously have implications for my job, but how drastic they are I couldn't possibly say. Will my current rotation of schools remain the same? Will I be asked to help out at the middle school level, or will he be asked to cover more elementary school lessons? Will he flake out and quit after six weeks, tarnishing my reputation in the process?

Even bigger, will there be a new ALT coming at all? As the number of students in Hana Town continues to dwindle, there might be drastic changes on the horizon. I just learned today that this school, the largest one I teach at, will have half the usual number of incoming first graders in April. Other schools are similarly expecting smaller student bodies: one school is graduating eighteen sixth graders but is getting only eight new students. Another is graduating ten and is unlikely to welcome more than two or three new children, maybe less. Someone might just decide to spread my schedule thin across more schools and forgo the expense of hiring, importing, and then paying the monthly salary of a whole new foreigner.

But that's all speculative and unfounded guesswork. The bottom line is that I came here after years of work and they seem to like me, so I'm staying. Other potential employment issues may come up in 2009, but I hope to remain in Hana Town through at least July of next year with addition renewals possible. At the very least, I can take great comfort in knowing that by the time I wake up tomorrow, this asshole will be out of a job. Here's hoping his replacement doesn't flake out and quit after six weeks either.

Labels: frustration, Japan, JET, job hunting, politics, predicting the future, teaching

つづく...(Click here to read more)

Last week was a very enjoyable if completely uneventful vacation. We didn't do much to commemorate the holiday aside from a few day trips to visit Mako's parents and spend time with family. This week I've returned to "work" but only in the loosest possible sense of the word. I don't dare complain about my lack of responsibilities or feelings of superfluousness though. From the increasingly grim headlines I read everyday, I feel like I should really take a moment and thank the glorious-yet-potentially-imaginary deity that I even have a job.

I live in a world somewhat isolated from the global economic crisis and I've been here for my entire adult life. Years ago, when I realized college wasn't going to work, I earned a living through bottom-feeder part-time jobs. Operating a cash register, providing tech support over the phone, even working in the movie theater (which I loved) - all of these jobs were "secure" in that they were low paying with a high turnover rate, ensuring that nobody stuck around long enough to become an expensive liability to the company. I made friends at each of these places but nobody felt much of an impact when I left and I'm sure I was easily (and quickly) replaced at no significant loss. It's counter-intuitive, but I was so expendable that I never worried about being let go.

Then came my tenure at the post office and that's about as steady as work can get. Stamp prices may go up and volume may go down but no matter what, people are always going to need to send things through the mail and the USPS is always going to have more than enough employees to handle that mail. The job security and unchanging daily grind was so strong that each day became the same as the last. It was like that time the Enterprise got caught in that time loop and kept exploding...or Groundhog Day if you're not as geeky as I am. I still felt expendable but I knew I would never be let go because they never let anybody go, not even those who were incompetent or a danger to others. I didn't take comfort in that feeling at all; rather, I felt like I was worthless.

Now I'm living in Japan and teaching English purely because I happen to have a native grasp on the subject, which puts me in an extremely beneficial situation. There simply aren't enough people like me around to fill all the positions Japanese schools have to offer and that's precisely the reason I was "imported" in the first place. I am replacable, yes, but not in any practical way because bringing in someone new is prohibitively expensive. That level of security, coupled with the general sense of satisfaction that I "matter" because I'm a teacher, makes this job quite possibly the most rewarding one I've ever held.

Taking all of the above into account, I find it ironic that my idle thoughts often wander towards leaving this job and trying to find something that is even more rewarding. As it turns out, the notion that this job ranks so high on the "satisfying" scale when compared to my other jobs isn't enough to convince me that this is something I want to do for years to come. That's because my earlier jobs were totally crappy, frankly. To use a crude metaphor, just because Paris Hilton is more attractive than Rosie O'Donnell doesn't make her a contender for Earth's Most Beautiful Woman. She simply doesn't look like shit.

All of this came to my mind this afternoon when I read about the closure of EGM and the layoffs of most of the writers and online personalities that I came to embrace via the magazine's online portal, 1up.com. Here are a bunch of people doing something that strikes me as extremely enjoyable, even enviable, who are now out of work and looking at a very limited range of future employment options. Journalism in general and criticism (especially video game criticism) in particular is a dwindling field. Newspapers and magazines are drying up as people increasingly turn towards television and the Internet. Meanwhile, here I sit in a concrete bunker of an elementary school earning a very generous salary (paid in robust Yen no less) gaining experience in a field that will never, ever go away and dreaming about finding work as a games journalist.

Obviously, I have a lot to think about over the next few years. Teaching English isn't going anywhere but this particular job that I've got has a time limit, and with a baby on the way I've got to choose my moves very carefully to ensure little Daniel Jr. doesn't grow up lacking anything he needs. Writing in my spare time is one thing but at this stage it is damn near irresponsible to fantasize about making a living with it. However, how long can I really expect to date Paris Hilton without dreaming about...I don't know...Scarlett Johansson?

Labels: Japan, JET, job hunting, postal service, predicting the future, teaching, Write or Die

つづく...(Click here to read more)

I know most of you readers are only just beginning to consider your New Year's Eve plans, but for me it is New Year's Eve. Right now. No, I'm didn't go anywhere. Even if Mako wasn't pregnant and taking it easy, in Japan this night is best spent at home. If my "boys" were here we'd find a party to rock but seeing as how it's just me, I chose to drink at home and enjoy grown men torturing themselves for my amusement.

It's a few minutes into 2009. This awkward sounding number has prompted me to look back at the other -9 years I've experienced. In 1979 my sister was born. At the time I wasn't too thrilled about it but in the long run this has proved to be a very fortunate event in my life. In 1989 I first attended the CTY summer program and after some initial discomfort, I learned to fully embrace the opportunity to study and explore topics that interested me in a rewarding, supportive environment. As much as I loathed regular school, that's exactly how much I loved CTY. In 1999 I moved out my temporary basement hell-hole and into my first real apartment. I would spend five years in that apartment and, while I never fully accepted it as a "home," it was the closest I've ever come to truly living on my own.

So what can we say about 2009? Much like 2008, I will probably spent the entirety of the year living in Japan with only the occasional trip overseas. I foresee no major employment or residential shifts - this job and the apartment that comes with it are both entirely satisfactory. I'm hoping 2009 is the first year I will get to see some of my very close friends pay me a visit here in Japan because I'm eager to share what I love about this country with guests, but that's not up to me and the weak dollar isn't going to make things very easy on American tourists.

But who am I kidding? 2009 is going to be the year my first child is born, and that's an automatic Best Year Ever marker. Normally I'm more of the reflective "this was a good year" type rather than the optimistic "this is going to be an awesome year" type, but we all know childbirth is one of those game-changing life events that people get gooey about for decades, even when their little babies are fully grown. I can't say I'll be thrilled handling a baby and responding to its every need, but I know what this baby means to me and Mako and I.

So once again, Happy New Year and I look forward to seeing everyone again. Hope your year is as good as mine looks.

Labels: family, fuzzy memories, Japan, predicting the future, pregnancy

つづく...(Click here to read more)

What a day! I spent the entire day planning my future and I feel a lot better about myself now. The whole academic picture has a shape now; a definite direction, not just random ideas anymore. I had to wake up around 5 (been there, done that) so we could leave by 6 and get there by 8:30. I invited Dad to come along (with his fabulous Audi) as I knew he has as many questions about school as I did. I'm glad he came too because we ended up attended separate meetings and learning different things. However, we both agree that the breakfast they offered this morning featured the worst bagels ever made. They were about the size of a Gamecube disc and I suspect they were thawed a few days ago and left out. I would compare them in both taste and texture to, well, stale bread. Sorry, there is no better description.

Irregardless of the shitty breakfast, I knew I would meet with an advisor today. A buddy of mine who has been around a lot of different colleges prepared me for the worst, warning me that the orientation advisor typically offers little advice beyond the elementary. But chance favors the prepared mind, as she was actually the Chair(person) of the Department! Also, thanks to the semi-exclusive nature of the East Asian Studies major, I was the only student she had to see that day. Screw all those generic English majors! She answered all of my questions and helped me understand what I can get out of college and how to get it. Here's an overview:

2004-2005 Attend school, spit hot fire.
2005-2006 Study abroad in Japan.
2006-2007 Senior, bitch!

With any luck I'll graduate within a stone's throw of 30. Up until now, when people asked if I was "excited" about going back to school, I didn't know what to say. From today I can unequivocally say Yes.

Everything is turning up Feit!

Labels: food, predicting the future, UAlbany

つづく...(Click here to read more)

...that's me! I declared last Friday that I would update the site daily, like a diary. Sure enough, I posted two odd bits and then nothing for three days straight. Of course, I do have an excuse; my computer hasn't exactly been my own lately. There's been a lot of third-party usage that has left my blog stranded. But with no work today I've got all the time in the world to spout off about anything and everything:

Movies

I've seen a lot lately. After months of accolades and a billion dollars, I finally sat down and watched The Return of the King. Frankly, it wasn't that hot. Certainly no surprises whatsoever, except for the ludicrous "ghost army" that shows up. What the hell was that about?

Last night I saw Control Room, a documentary about the sometimes controversial Al-Jazeera news channel and their coverage of the war in Iraq. I thought it was quite interesting, although I must wonder if anyone at the channel produced or otherwise funded the film.

Baseball

Insult me if you want, but I am a New York Yankees fan. Sometimes I feel like writing an explanation as to why, since magazines and TV programs openly mock Yankee fans as bandwagon jumpers or arrogant jerks or sometimes just morons. However, since I know I am none of those I don't have to apologize. But I may someday, just for the hell of it.

Anyway, the Yankees got off to a slow start this year. The lowest point was losing three at home to the fucking Boston Red Sox. At that point, they were a dismal 8-11. Forecasters of doom were everywhere, and anyone with a forum to do so proclaimed the Yankees were through. "End of an Era," they said. Well I thought that was ridiculous. It was only April for Christ's sake, and my Dad always taught me that the standings are meaningless before Memorial Day. So I (quietly) predicted that the Yankees would rebound and improve to 41-21, a mark they reached this Monday in Arizona. Now that I have a forum, I'm prepared to face public humiliation as I predict the Yankees will be 60-26 at the All-Star break.

Well I'm exhausted. Later!

Labels: baseball, movies, predicting the future, sports, writing, Yankees

つづく...(Click here to read more)