Wednesday, December 16, 2009
I Hate the 00s: Video Game Movies
No doubt, the last ten years have seen some wonderful movies come and go. You know one thing that all the great movies of the 00s have in common? They sure as hell weren't based on any video games! Yes, today's disappointment of the decade is the state of game-based movies: not only do they suck, they're getting worse.
I'm sure it's very, very hard to make a successful film from a critical or financial standpoint (to say nothing of both). One easy way to get people in the seats is to make a movie based on a known property. In the 1990s Hollywood dabbled in movies based on popular video games. The results were pretty abysmal; I'd argue that the only one of the bunch worth a damn is Mortal Kombat (1995) because it gets most of the characters right and they spend most of the film fighting each other. Then they tried to make a sequel and pissed away what little momentum the series had.
However, it takes time to get these things right. Movies and games are two very different mediums for storytelling, and the latter has only really begun to dabble in that department in the last twenty years or so. As games develop their narrative chops and, in this era of high-resolution graphics and performances from actual actors, crib more cinematic techniques as they go, movies and games should slowly converge, right?
Looking at the past ten years, the answer is a resounding "fuck no." Video game based movies seem to be the dumping ground for any and every cliched action script that only the hackiest of hacks can spit out. The process seems to be: [A] acquire rights to video game license [B] hire somebody to write a script based purely on the title of said game [C] release the resulting mess into theaters and watch it end up on DVD six weeks later. [D] Profit, I guess, because they keep doing this shit.
Look at Uwe Boll's first outing into game cinema, House of the Dead (2003). I'm hardly a fan of the original series of games, but I've played/seen them enough to know that they center around secret agents shooting zombies. Somehow the movie is about a group of teens who take a party boat to "Death Island" and wind up being attacked by the undead. Eventually there is one scene of shooting zombies and it's nothing but a long Matrix-inspired sequence of low-budget bullet time. Curiously, clips of the real game are actually edited into the movie, almost as a reminder as to what the story should be about, but isn't.
By all accounts, House of the Dead was a failure but Uwe Boll got to make another video game movie which managed to out-suck his first one. Alone in the Dark (2005) is the kind of film that routinely shows up on "worst movie ever made" lists and has been thoroughly mocked by the Agony Booth and The Nostalgia Critic, among others. Yet someone made their money back because Uwe Boll kept making movies, quickly cementing himself as a crap merchant dealing exclusively in video game properties. When video game companies license negotiate movie rights now, they demand a say in picking the director solely to avoid this guy (it's known as the "Uwe Boll Clause" and I'm sure they're only half-joking).
It wasn't just Uwe Boll though. Look at the Resident Evil trilogy of films which range from mediocre to OMG-awful yet a fourth film is on the way. Those games are extremely cinematic in their presentations, relying heavily on voice acting and camera angles from the beginning. It should have been an easy adaptation to make, but someone decided to gut the story and just turn it into another zombie movie and not a particularly good one. There's also a litany of forgettable movies based on fighting games like Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li, D.O.A. with more on the way. No, I won't mention them by name because they make my brain hurt.
The future of video game movies is bright, at least in comparison to what we've got now. The Prince of Persia movie seems to have a lot of money behind it and a decent leading man, but I'm not holding my breath. It's not like Jerry Bruckheimer hasn't disappointed in the past. Even if that movie fails, I hope someone eventually figures out that games have stories worth telling because a good video game movie would be spectacular. If a fan-made zero-budget short like Turbo can at least approximate the excitement of a fake video game, why can't a multi-million dollar production even come close to a real one?
This represents Part 5 in a series of 25 posts about my favorite as well as the most disappointing entertainment properties/trends of the last ten years. To Be Continued!
つづく...(Click here to read more)
I'm sure it's very, very hard to make a successful film from a critical or financial standpoint (to say nothing of both). One easy way to get people in the seats is to make a movie based on a known property. In the 1990s Hollywood dabbled in movies based on popular video games. The results were pretty abysmal; I'd argue that the only one of the bunch worth a damn is Mortal Kombat (1995) because it gets most of the characters right and they spend most of the film fighting each other. Then they tried to make a sequel and pissed away what little momentum the series had.
However, it takes time to get these things right. Movies and games are two very different mediums for storytelling, and the latter has only really begun to dabble in that department in the last twenty years or so. As games develop their narrative chops and, in this era of high-resolution graphics and performances from actual actors, crib more cinematic techniques as they go, movies and games should slowly converge, right?
Looking at the past ten years, the answer is a resounding "fuck no." Video game based movies seem to be the dumping ground for any and every cliched action script that only the hackiest of hacks can spit out. The process seems to be: [A] acquire rights to video game license [B] hire somebody to write a script based purely on the title of said game [C] release the resulting mess into theaters and watch it end up on DVD six weeks later. [D] Profit, I guess, because they keep doing this shit.
Look at Uwe Boll's first outing into game cinema, House of the Dead (2003). I'm hardly a fan of the original series of games, but I've played/seen them enough to know that they center around secret agents shooting zombies. Somehow the movie is about a group of teens who take a party boat to "Death Island" and wind up being attacked by the undead. Eventually there is one scene of shooting zombies and it's nothing but a long Matrix-inspired sequence of low-budget bullet time. Curiously, clips of the real game are actually edited into the movie, almost as a reminder as to what the story should be about, but isn't.
By all accounts, House of the Dead was a failure but Uwe Boll got to make another video game movie which managed to out-suck his first one. Alone in the Dark (2005) is the kind of film that routinely shows up on "worst movie ever made" lists and has been thoroughly mocked by the Agony Booth and The Nostalgia Critic, among others. Yet someone made their money back because Uwe Boll kept making movies, quickly cementing himself as a crap merchant dealing exclusively in video game properties. When video game companies license negotiate movie rights now, they demand a say in picking the director solely to avoid this guy (it's known as the "Uwe Boll Clause" and I'm sure they're only half-joking).
It wasn't just Uwe Boll though. Look at the Resident Evil trilogy of films which range from mediocre to OMG-awful yet a fourth film is on the way. Those games are extremely cinematic in their presentations, relying heavily on voice acting and camera angles from the beginning. It should have been an easy adaptation to make, but someone decided to gut the story and just turn it into another zombie movie and not a particularly good one. There's also a litany of forgettable movies based on fighting games like Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li, D.O.A. with more on the way. No, I won't mention them by name because they make my brain hurt.
The future of video game movies is bright, at least in comparison to what we've got now. The Prince of Persia movie seems to have a lot of money behind it and a decent leading man, but I'm not holding my breath. It's not like Jerry Bruckheimer hasn't disappointed in the past. Even if that movie fails, I hope someone eventually figures out that games have stories worth telling because a good video game movie would be spectacular. If a fan-made zero-budget short like Turbo can at least approximate the excitement of a fake video game, why can't a multi-million dollar production even come close to a real one?
This represents Part 5 in a series of 25 posts about my favorite as well as the most disappointing entertainment properties/trends of the last ten years. To Be Continued!
Labels: House of the Dead, I hate the 00s, movies, Resident Evil, Uwe Boll, video games
つづく...(Click here to read more)
Thursday, June 18, 2009
I Am Dan's Sleep Starved Brain
I can't sleep. For someone with a nickname like "feitclub," this is very bad news. I'm not talking to myself (at least, not more than usual) and I haven't started plotting against society or anything, but without any self-help groups to cavalierly drop in on, I'm not sure how to correct this problem.
Oh don't worry! I mean, if I lay down in bed I will eventually fade out, but it takes a very long time and I am routinely waking up earlier and earlier in the morning regardless of when I turn in. Last night I went to bed at 11, tossed and turned for over an hour and then woke up around 4:30. I never fully fell asleep again, although I didn't get out of bed until it was almost 6. This is not enough rest for me, especially considering how much energy and liveliness my job demands.
The potential causes, as I see them, are numerous and overlapping. First and foremost is Mako and the frustratingly-unborn son she's still carrying. After her appointment last Friday and some sudden discomfort on Saturday, I was sure this kid was on the fast track for the birth canal. No such luck; it's now Thursday and she feels no closer to delivery than she did at the start of the month. She'll visit the doctor again tomorrow and we'll see what the the prognosis is, but I suspect this hovering uncertainty is definitely preventing me from drifting off into peaceful sleep since I'm so anxious about Mako's condition. The evidence supporting this theory is the fact that I sleep much better on the weekends when I am at her parents' house lying next to her.
Not helping matters is the ever-increasing temperature in my apartment. Technically speaking, Japan is in the midst of its annual rainy season, but it hasn't rained since last week. Instead, each day has been sunny and warm with a rather uncomfortably high level of humidity. I'm not at the point where I've turned on the A/C or started taking a second shower to cool down, but the bedroom is the stuffiest room in our apartment and the oscillating fan can only do so much to help me relax.
Another recent matter that might be adversely affecting my sleeping habits is my new-found video gaming time. Ever since Mako moved back to her parents' house I've been taking advantage of my audio/visual freedom and firing up the consoles on a nightly basis. For a few weeks, Richard and I were blasting our way through Resident Evil 5, so much so that the only trophy left to earn is the big one: complete the game on Professional Mode where the enemies are faster and nearly all of their attacks are lethal. The steep increase in difficulty has proven to be disheartening because the game is a lot less fun now. We've already played through all these stages multiple times to get this far, so repeated failures and restarts on Professional Mode feel like an extraordinary waste of time.
As a departure of sorts, I've finally forced myself to play BioShock and so far, it's every bit as absorbing as I hoped it would be. Indeed, the tension level is as high as any other video game I've ever played. For all the shambling zombie-like foes I've faced in Resident Evil 5, BioShock is the first game that's scared me in a long time. It's not that the mad residents of Rapture are more threatening than waves of infected Africans, it's their world that is so deeply unsettling to me. The so-called "Splicers" who roam the underwater city of Rapture all look like they were attending a party with the ghosts in the Overlook Hotel. Most of them wear odd-looking masks, which is just creepy, and they talk. A lot. Sometimes they yell at me, sometimes they argue amongst themselves, and some of them just babble and wail to no one in particular. There was a freaky moment at the start of the game where I approached a weeping woman who was fawning over a baby carriage. When I bashed her with my pipe wrench, I looked into the carriage to see what she was talking to: a revolver. That's just plain nuts right there.
Well, you get the idea of what I'm dealing with each night. Between worrying about my wife, sweating through my clothes and plugging myself into some intense virtual worlds, it's been difficult for me to just settle down and go to sleep at 11 or even at midnight. I know I should be doing all I can to sleep now before a crying baby moves in with us, but it's not like I'll be able to play many games when he's here. Either way, I'm going to be drowsy, so I might as well have my fun while I can.
つづく...(Click here to read more)
Oh don't worry! I mean, if I lay down in bed I will eventually fade out, but it takes a very long time and I am routinely waking up earlier and earlier in the morning regardless of when I turn in. Last night I went to bed at 11, tossed and turned for over an hour and then woke up around 4:30. I never fully fell asleep again, although I didn't get out of bed until it was almost 6. This is not enough rest for me, especially considering how much energy and liveliness my job demands.
The potential causes, as I see them, are numerous and overlapping. First and foremost is Mako and the frustratingly-unborn son she's still carrying. After her appointment last Friday and some sudden discomfort on Saturday, I was sure this kid was on the fast track for the birth canal. No such luck; it's now Thursday and she feels no closer to delivery than she did at the start of the month. She'll visit the doctor again tomorrow and we'll see what the the prognosis is, but I suspect this hovering uncertainty is definitely preventing me from drifting off into peaceful sleep since I'm so anxious about Mako's condition. The evidence supporting this theory is the fact that I sleep much better on the weekends when I am at her parents' house lying next to her.
Not helping matters is the ever-increasing temperature in my apartment. Technically speaking, Japan is in the midst of its annual rainy season, but it hasn't rained since last week. Instead, each day has been sunny and warm with a rather uncomfortably high level of humidity. I'm not at the point where I've turned on the A/C or started taking a second shower to cool down, but the bedroom is the stuffiest room in our apartment and the oscillating fan can only do so much to help me relax.
Another recent matter that might be adversely affecting my sleeping habits is my new-found video gaming time. Ever since Mako moved back to her parents' house I've been taking advantage of my audio/visual freedom and firing up the consoles on a nightly basis. For a few weeks, Richard and I were blasting our way through Resident Evil 5, so much so that the only trophy left to earn is the big one: complete the game on Professional Mode where the enemies are faster and nearly all of their attacks are lethal. The steep increase in difficulty has proven to be disheartening because the game is a lot less fun now. We've already played through all these stages multiple times to get this far, so repeated failures and restarts on Professional Mode feel like an extraordinary waste of time.
As a departure of sorts, I've finally forced myself to play BioShock and so far, it's every bit as absorbing as I hoped it would be. Indeed, the tension level is as high as any other video game I've ever played. For all the shambling zombie-like foes I've faced in Resident Evil 5, BioShock is the first game that's scared me in a long time. It's not that the mad residents of Rapture are more threatening than waves of infected Africans, it's their world that is so deeply unsettling to me. The so-called "Splicers" who roam the underwater city of Rapture all look like they were attending a party with the ghosts in the Overlook Hotel. Most of them wear odd-looking masks, which is just creepy, and they talk. A lot. Sometimes they yell at me, sometimes they argue amongst themselves, and some of them just babble and wail to no one in particular. There was a freaky moment at the start of the game where I approached a weeping woman who was fawning over a baby carriage. When I bashed her with my pipe wrench, I looked into the carriage to see what she was talking to: a revolver. That's just plain nuts right there.
Well, you get the idea of what I'm dealing with each night. Between worrying about my wife, sweating through my clothes and plugging myself into some intense virtual worlds, it's been difficult for me to just settle down and go to sleep at 11 or even at midnight. I know I should be doing all I can to sleep now before a crying baby moves in with us, but it's not like I'll be able to play many games when he's here. Either way, I'm going to be drowsy, so I might as well have my fun while I can.
Labels: BioShock, family, Fight Club, pregnancy, Resident Evil, video games
つづく...(Click here to read more)
Monday, June 15, 2009
Let's NOT Tap
As someone who spends a lot of his free time furiously pressing buttons as a form of entertainment, I feel I must complain about video game makers forcing me to furiously press buttons.
I sense your confusion. Allow me to elaborate: even though playing video games means pressing buttons on the controller to interface with the software, that's not all it is. Playing video games is an extremely simplified exercise in problem solving. Whether I'm trying to get my plumber safely through a flame-ridden castle, running and gunning against the forces of Hell or simply maneuvering little blocks into neat little stacks as they fall from the top of the screen, all video games present me with a sequence of tasks or dilemmas and force me to solve each one in order to proceed to the next. Even though I do press buttons to accomplish this, it's up to me to figure out which buttons must be pressed at what times to get the job done. At some point during that process, I have fun.
What isn't fun and what I feel runs counter to the fundamentals of playing video games is the mindless button mashing of the "quick time event." Rather than challenge me with a puzzle or offer me a twist on a familiar task, a QTE instead requires me to press a button immediately. If I do it, the game continues; failure means I must start the QTE over again. It is purely a exercise in twitch reflexes and it is the epitome of frustration.
Again, I'm picking up your resistance to my argument. Regardless of how games present themselves to the player, you're wondering, isn't success or failure always going to come down to pressing the right button at the right time? In other words, if I push B instead of A when approaching a pit, won't the plumber fall into it and force me to restart the level? And by reducing gameplay to this core mechanic of "press the button now," aren't QTEs actually easier than playing the regular game anyway? What's the big deal?
The difference is two-fold, in my opinion. All games have a learning curve that trains players to make the right decisions to play the game. Earlier stages introduce the important elements of the game world and later stages raise the bar one step at a time. In learning the ropes, players also become accustomed to what each button does to the point that using the controller becomes second-nature. QTEs have no gradient or teaching ability. They will always be nothing more than urgently pressing buttons, and those buttons rarely perform the same function they do in the game, if ever. It is completely arbitrary and meaningless, making it harder than that it sounds.
Beyond the pure mechanics, QTEs feel unfair because they exist outside the game world as the player understands it. No matter how far your character has progressed, no matter how many weapons, power-ups or health items you have collected, your inability to press a single button on demand can end the game. In the case of Resident Evil 5, my character is carrying enough artillery to flatten a small city and I have the know-how to avoid most any attacker in the game, yet I am repeatedly shoehorned into QTE-driven cut scenes that have me dodging motorcyclists and giant tentacles. Just let me shoot them and move on!
More than any other gripe I have about QTEs, the most important and most basic one is that they are boring. The buttons may change but the outcome never does. They are not satisfying in the slightest, not on the first playthrough and certainly not on the second or third. Games like Resident Evil 5 demand multiple completions to access more features. If I know what's coming, why not just let me skip QTEs as easily as I skip any other cinematic sequence? Either way I am just staring at the screen and watching the characters on auto-pilot. I'm certainly not playing the game that I want to play. I'm not "playing" anything at all; I feel like I'm being experimented upon by B.F. Skinner instead, and that's not worth my money or my time.
つづく...(Click here to read more)
I sense your confusion. Allow me to elaborate: even though playing video games means pressing buttons on the controller to interface with the software, that's not all it is. Playing video games is an extremely simplified exercise in problem solving. Whether I'm trying to get my plumber safely through a flame-ridden castle, running and gunning against the forces of Hell or simply maneuvering little blocks into neat little stacks as they fall from the top of the screen, all video games present me with a sequence of tasks or dilemmas and force me to solve each one in order to proceed to the next. Even though I do press buttons to accomplish this, it's up to me to figure out which buttons must be pressed at what times to get the job done. At some point during that process, I have fun.
What isn't fun and what I feel runs counter to the fundamentals of playing video games is the mindless button mashing of the "quick time event." Rather than challenge me with a puzzle or offer me a twist on a familiar task, a QTE instead requires me to press a button immediately. If I do it, the game continues; failure means I must start the QTE over again. It is purely a exercise in twitch reflexes and it is the epitome of frustration.
Again, I'm picking up your resistance to my argument. Regardless of how games present themselves to the player, you're wondering, isn't success or failure always going to come down to pressing the right button at the right time? In other words, if I push B instead of A when approaching a pit, won't the plumber fall into it and force me to restart the level? And by reducing gameplay to this core mechanic of "press the button now," aren't QTEs actually easier than playing the regular game anyway? What's the big deal?
The difference is two-fold, in my opinion. All games have a learning curve that trains players to make the right decisions to play the game. Earlier stages introduce the important elements of the game world and later stages raise the bar one step at a time. In learning the ropes, players also become accustomed to what each button does to the point that using the controller becomes second-nature. QTEs have no gradient or teaching ability. They will always be nothing more than urgently pressing buttons, and those buttons rarely perform the same function they do in the game, if ever. It is completely arbitrary and meaningless, making it harder than that it sounds.
Beyond the pure mechanics, QTEs feel unfair because they exist outside the game world as the player understands it. No matter how far your character has progressed, no matter how many weapons, power-ups or health items you have collected, your inability to press a single button on demand can end the game. In the case of Resident Evil 5, my character is carrying enough artillery to flatten a small city and I have the know-how to avoid most any attacker in the game, yet I am repeatedly shoehorned into QTE-driven cut scenes that have me dodging motorcyclists and giant tentacles. Just let me shoot them and move on!
More than any other gripe I have about QTEs, the most important and most basic one is that they are boring. The buttons may change but the outcome never does. They are not satisfying in the slightest, not on the first playthrough and certainly not on the second or third. Games like Resident Evil 5 demand multiple completions to access more features. If I know what's coming, why not just let me skip QTEs as easily as I skip any other cinematic sequence? Either way I am just staring at the screen and watching the characters on auto-pilot. I'm certainly not playing the game that I want to play. I'm not "playing" anything at all; I feel like I'm being experimented upon by B.F. Skinner instead, and that's not worth my money or my time.
Labels: frustration, Resident Evil, video games
つづく...(Click here to read more)
