Monday, June 08, 2009
T-minus Whenever it Feels Right
So it seems everyone has baby questions for me and the answer to all of them is "soon." The baby will be born soon, Mako will enter the hospital soon, we will formally declare the baby's name soon, and I'm going to be pushed one step closer to adulthood soon. What I can't say is "when" because we simply don't know. But it's soon, that's for sure.
I spent Friday night with Mako at her parents' house again and while that isn't getting any easier, at least I get to sleep. For reasons I cannot explain I have not been sleeping well in my own bed. It could be a simple matter of not having my wife next to me, or maybe it's just stress, but since Mako went back to her childhood home I have barely managed to sleep more than four or five hours at a time. True, I should be going to bed earlier as it is harder to resist TV and video games when you're alone, but even when I lay down before eleven I'll wake up once or twice during the night.
Mako is really caught between her needs and her wants right now. She tells me about things she wants to do all the time, but with all that weight and a new life form squirming around inside her she simply cannot do much of anything without a long rest before, during, and after. Even going to the movies is out of the question for her, which is a shame because she seems interested in Terminator 4 and it's opening in Japan real soon. I would have thought sitting down would be an easy activity in her condition but it seems that she's worried about having to sit STILL for such a long time. Plus she's been having some issues with her feet that are best dealt with by elevating her lower half. There's certainly no room for that in a movie theater.
I really feel torn about how our lives are being wedged apart right now, even if it's only temporary. I can't just go down there everyday because it's too far. I could spend my weekends there but I fear my sanity would snap. There's so much pressure being a guest in someone's house, especially an overnight guest and especially especially one who has to really concentrate to communicate at all. So I've been spending one night a week there and then leaving, even though I feel lonely when I'm at home all by myself. I feel bad when she's not around but I can't manage to be with her for more than eighteen hours or so because there's nothing for us to do. It's a weird Catch-22 and it's entirely in my own head.
At the very least, I didn't spend Saturday night alone. I went out to Osaka and met Alex and another friend of his, Rachel. We didn't really "go" anywhere or "do" anything as much as we went out on the streets and spent the evening together. We found great amusement in people watching in Dotonbori (this trash collector and this apparent performance artist being two of the highlights) and enjoyed a delicious Western-style pizza at nearby Slices in Amerika-mura. Eventually we wandered into a cheapo karaoke joint that had shoddy drink service and questionable song selection but it more than made for it in price. I spent less than 1000 Yen for two hours which is an incredible bargain, especially for a Saturday night. Combine that with our policy of buying drinks in convenience stores rather than bars and we all managed to have a great night without spending much money at all.
Meanwhile, it's Monday again and I find myself still "single" and no closer to understanding when my life will completely change. Will the baby arrive in time for Father's Day? Will it be born during the week? Will it be born tomorrow? Perhaps that's what's keeping me up at night more than anything else. At least when I sleep next to Mako, I know that IF the baby decides to join us, I'll be right by her side. If the baby comes in the middle of the night and we're apart, well, I don't have a car and there are no trains...
I spent Friday night with Mako at her parents' house again and while that isn't getting any easier, at least I get to sleep. For reasons I cannot explain I have not been sleeping well in my own bed. It could be a simple matter of not having my wife next to me, or maybe it's just stress, but since Mako went back to her childhood home I have barely managed to sleep more than four or five hours at a time. True, I should be going to bed earlier as it is harder to resist TV and video games when you're alone, but even when I lay down before eleven I'll wake up once or twice during the night.
Mako is really caught between her needs and her wants right now. She tells me about things she wants to do all the time, but with all that weight and a new life form squirming around inside her she simply cannot do much of anything without a long rest before, during, and after. Even going to the movies is out of the question for her, which is a shame because she seems interested in Terminator 4 and it's opening in Japan real soon. I would have thought sitting down would be an easy activity in her condition but it seems that she's worried about having to sit STILL for such a long time. Plus she's been having some issues with her feet that are best dealt with by elevating her lower half. There's certainly no room for that in a movie theater.
I really feel torn about how our lives are being wedged apart right now, even if it's only temporary. I can't just go down there everyday because it's too far. I could spend my weekends there but I fear my sanity would snap. There's so much pressure being a guest in someone's house, especially an overnight guest and especially especially one who has to really concentrate to communicate at all. So I've been spending one night a week there and then leaving, even though I feel lonely when I'm at home all by myself. I feel bad when she's not around but I can't manage to be with her for more than eighteen hours or so because there's nothing for us to do. It's a weird Catch-22 and it's entirely in my own head.
At the very least, I didn't spend Saturday night alone. I went out to Osaka and met Alex and another friend of his, Rachel. We didn't really "go" anywhere or "do" anything as much as we went out on the streets and spent the evening together. We found great amusement in people watching in Dotonbori (this trash collector and this apparent performance artist being two of the highlights) and enjoyed a delicious Western-style pizza at nearby Slices in Amerika-mura. Eventually we wandered into a cheapo karaoke joint that had shoddy drink service and questionable song selection but it more than made for it in price. I spent less than 1000 Yen for two hours which is an incredible bargain, especially for a Saturday night. Combine that with our policy of buying drinks in convenience stores rather than bars and we all managed to have a great night without spending much money at all.
Meanwhile, it's Monday again and I find myself still "single" and no closer to understanding when my life will completely change. Will the baby arrive in time for Father's Day? Will it be born during the week? Will it be born tomorrow? Perhaps that's what's keeping me up at night more than anything else. At least when I sleep next to Mako, I know that IF the baby decides to join us, I'll be right by her side. If the baby comes in the middle of the night and we're apart, well, I don't have a car and there are no trains...
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Labels: Alex, family, friends, Osaka, predicting the future, pregnancy
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Wow, that is a thought. What do you do if she goes into labor in the middle of the night? Surely one of her parents would come get you? You should talk with them about that possibility. I think you should spend more time with her...it might be awkward but she is your wife!
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