Friday, June 19, 2009
Bring on the Crying Infant Already
It's Friday night again and yes, we are still childless. I'm waiting with Mako at her parents' house, just like I did last weekend when I thought we were done with this process. Will the baby be born this weekend? Maybe, but at this point the doctors are just saying the same thing every week: "The baby will come soon." Thanks, Doc!
Besides not sleeping well, a major result of this baby anxiety has been my attitude towards work. I can't really explain it, but with each new day I go to work wondering when my son will be born, the less I want to go to school and put up with what I put up with. It's not that things have been particularly rough this month, I just find myself running low on patience. With all of the stress this waiting has brought me, the little things I endure at work/in Japan have just felt a bit more irritating.
Of course, that goes right back to my issues with spending my entire weekend with my in-laws. My wife is Japanese and I live in Japan, of course, but normally I spend Saturday and Sunday relaxing in a way that offers me an escape from my weekday routine. When I instead come here and stay in their house, I'm spending that much more time "in Japan" and the stress builds up. I may not have to go to work but I'm still being bombarded with Japanese idiosyncrasies and the like while I'm here.
For example, after five days of being peppered with English questions that range from profound to unanswerable, it's a bit of drag for the parade to continue into my weekend. My wife's parents have both, in their own way, been increasingly asking me about the English language and foreign customs. My mother-in-law has even started taking English lessons from somebody and she can't wait to talk to me about what she's been studying. She's also asking me to translate random words into English now, which my coworkers and students have been doing for almost two years.
I know I sound like a pissy, bitter jerk right now, but that's the point. None of these little things are new developments, they're just accumulating en masse at the same time as I'm trying to come to terms with this baby we're having. Stuff I had accepted as part of life in Japan is no longer quietly resting in the back of my mind, easily ignored and tolerated as par for the course. I consider myself pretty adept at dealing with the so-called small stuff, but in my present situation even the small stuff is really getting on my nerves.
I just want this pregnancy to end. I'm sure the baby will present a new world of challenges and none of the things that bother me right now will go away, but that's a different matter entirely. Mako and I will work together to raise the baby. We can't work together to deal with the pregnancy. We are separated both physically and mentally and I've had enough. Give me back my wife, kiddo. Your nine months are up!
Besides not sleeping well, a major result of this baby anxiety has been my attitude towards work. I can't really explain it, but with each new day I go to work wondering when my son will be born, the less I want to go to school and put up with what I put up with. It's not that things have been particularly rough this month, I just find myself running low on patience. With all of the stress this waiting has brought me, the little things I endure at work/in Japan have just felt a bit more irritating.
Of course, that goes right back to my issues with spending my entire weekend with my in-laws. My wife is Japanese and I live in Japan, of course, but normally I spend Saturday and Sunday relaxing in a way that offers me an escape from my weekday routine. When I instead come here and stay in their house, I'm spending that much more time "in Japan" and the stress builds up. I may not have to go to work but I'm still being bombarded with Japanese idiosyncrasies and the like while I'm here.
For example, after five days of being peppered with English questions that range from profound to unanswerable, it's a bit of drag for the parade to continue into my weekend. My wife's parents have both, in their own way, been increasingly asking me about the English language and foreign customs. My mother-in-law has even started taking English lessons from somebody and she can't wait to talk to me about what she's been studying. She's also asking me to translate random words into English now, which my coworkers and students have been doing for almost two years.
I know I sound like a pissy, bitter jerk right now, but that's the point. None of these little things are new developments, they're just accumulating en masse at the same time as I'm trying to come to terms with this baby we're having. Stuff I had accepted as part of life in Japan is no longer quietly resting in the back of my mind, easily ignored and tolerated as par for the course. I consider myself pretty adept at dealing with the so-called small stuff, but in my present situation even the small stuff is really getting on my nerves.
I just want this pregnancy to end. I'm sure the baby will present a new world of challenges and none of the things that bother me right now will go away, but that's a different matter entirely. Mako and I will work together to raise the baby. We can't work together to deal with the pregnancy. We are separated both physically and mentally and I've had enough. Give me back my wife, kiddo. Your nine months are up!
Labels: family, frustration, Japan, pregnancy
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It sounds like you are going through a lot right now, but it's all part of the process. If you're irritable b/c you're under stress, join the club! In any case, I'm super excited for you. What a blessing. :)
Thank you for your blessing, I very much appreciate it. I am excited about the baby, of course. Maybe too excited, which is why I'm having trouble coping. At least I get a good night's sleep when I'm at my in-laws' house, I need rest!
By the time you get this (I don't tweet) it will all be over. Be happy! It always takes longer than one thinks, and I'm sure from the father's perspective even more so than from the mother's (I speak only from the perspective of the screaming mother).
Here's some more advice, based entirely on the U.S. experience: the first two days, when the mother is in the hospital, are quiet and strange. Then all hell breaks loose. Give Mako everything she needs and more for the next three weeks, and she will appreciate it for a very long time.
Best wishes, and a very big CONGRATULATIONS, Otosan.
S. F.
Here's some more advice, based entirely on the U.S. experience: the first two days, when the mother is in the hospital, are quiet and strange. Then all hell breaks loose. Give Mako everything she needs and more for the next three weeks, and she will appreciate it for a very long time.
Best wishes, and a very big CONGRATULATIONS, Otosan.
S. F.
# posted by 
: 21 June, 2009 10:43
: 21 June, 2009 10:43
Thank you Professor. Your message arrived shortly after we entered the delivery room but unfortunately, the process went on for a few more hours than we would have liked. Regardless, both mommy and baby are now in recovery and doing well.
More info coming to the blog soon, everybody. Stay...um, "tuned?"
コメントがあるちゃう？ Type something, please. It's less work for me.More info coming to the blog soon, everybody. Stay...um, "tuned?"
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