Wednesday, March 25, 2009
The Terror of 2024
I listen to a weekly "horror podcast" called Pseudopod. The quality varies wildly from week to week, but the general tone of the show ranges from "creepy" to "disturbing." Yet nothing on Pseudopod could ever scare me as much as this week's episode of This American Life.
I am not, as a rule, frightened by public radio. Neither the concept nor the content are typically unsettling. Most of the time the stories are quirky, interesting, or even thought-provoking. I guess this latest episode about parental worst-case scenarios falls under the latter category, but it did so while absolutely scaring the hell out of me.
My wife and I talk a lot about our forthcoming baby, mostly focusing on the necessary preparations that we need to make before he is born, but we do ask ourselves the question: "What kind of baby will he be?" We look at her sister's kids as two wildly different baby archetypes. Her son Daichi is loud (I should say LOUD), lively, and constantly demands attention. Her daughter Mizuki is quiet and rarely makes a fuss. Mizuki may very well turn into Daichi over time (she is only sixteen months old) but I have been interacting with Daichi for some time now and I feel like he has always been a noisy, active child.
This American Life forced me to think about what kind of teenager my son will be, thanks to two terrifying tales of families nearly destroyed through a few simple mistakes. One mother found her young teens drifting away after she divorced their father and when she tried to pull them closer, they rebelled and eventually ran away from home. While she certainly treated them with a bit of a heavy hand, I'm not sure how else she could have responded. Had she gone easy on them after they started skipping school and partying all night, surely that would not have reeled them back in? Then again, when they ran away they descended into even more self-destructive behavior and one of them almost died from a heroin overdose. Given the choice, I think I'd rather have my son disrespect me in my own house than not know if he's dead or alive on the streets.
The second horrifying story was a teen who screwed up at school. His grades were sinking, he was caught stealing school supplies, and when he threw some lit matches in a gym locker, he feared the worst when the school threatened to expel the guilty party. Despite having friends, a caring older brother and two "disappointed" but obviously attentive parents, he tried to kill himself. It wasn't even the first time and he openly told other students he was going to commit suicide. Again, the parents and teachers were right to disapprove of his outright criminal actions, but how could they have better expressed themselves so as not to lead him to choose suicide as the best response?
I think back to my teenage years and it scares me even more because I wasn't too far off from these kids. No, I never got caught doing anything outrageous like arson or theft, but my friends and I did a lot of stupid things that could have easily gotten us into a lot of trouble. I destroyed school property on a number of occasions, and when things got bad in high school I would cut class. In the real world, I shoplifted once or twice and I had plenty of opportunities to drink or smoke whatever I wanted (although I never did while I was in school). Had someone ratted me out on my bad behavior, had a store clerk been a bit more attentive, had I been more receptive to the offers of alcohol or drugs...basically, I was a few coin-flips away from being in the exact bind that these kids got themselves into.
Yet here I sit today in a very fortunate position, happily married with a decent job and a baby on the way. I narrowly avoided wrecking my life and instead merely put myself on the shelf for a few years before getting back on track. Was it merely luck? Did my parents do something right? Was there something else they could have done to prevent the (shallow) ditch I dug for myself? These are now the questions I'm asking myself, both in looking back at my own life and looking ahead to my son's future antics. If he strays or puts himself at risk, will I make the right call? Worse yet, is there a right call to make? That's the scariest thought of all.
I am not, as a rule, frightened by public radio. Neither the concept nor the content are typically unsettling. Most of the time the stories are quirky, interesting, or even thought-provoking. I guess this latest episode about parental worst-case scenarios falls under the latter category, but it did so while absolutely scaring the hell out of me.
My wife and I talk a lot about our forthcoming baby, mostly focusing on the necessary preparations that we need to make before he is born, but we do ask ourselves the question: "What kind of baby will he be?" We look at her sister's kids as two wildly different baby archetypes. Her son Daichi is loud (I should say LOUD), lively, and constantly demands attention. Her daughter Mizuki is quiet and rarely makes a fuss. Mizuki may very well turn into Daichi over time (she is only sixteen months old) but I have been interacting with Daichi for some time now and I feel like he has always been a noisy, active child.
This American Life forced me to think about what kind of teenager my son will be, thanks to two terrifying tales of families nearly destroyed through a few simple mistakes. One mother found her young teens drifting away after she divorced their father and when she tried to pull them closer, they rebelled and eventually ran away from home. While she certainly treated them with a bit of a heavy hand, I'm not sure how else she could have responded. Had she gone easy on them after they started skipping school and partying all night, surely that would not have reeled them back in? Then again, when they ran away they descended into even more self-destructive behavior and one of them almost died from a heroin overdose. Given the choice, I think I'd rather have my son disrespect me in my own house than not know if he's dead or alive on the streets.
The second horrifying story was a teen who screwed up at school. His grades were sinking, he was caught stealing school supplies, and when he threw some lit matches in a gym locker, he feared the worst when the school threatened to expel the guilty party. Despite having friends, a caring older brother and two "disappointed" but obviously attentive parents, he tried to kill himself. It wasn't even the first time and he openly told other students he was going to commit suicide. Again, the parents and teachers were right to disapprove of his outright criminal actions, but how could they have better expressed themselves so as not to lead him to choose suicide as the best response?
I think back to my teenage years and it scares me even more because I wasn't too far off from these kids. No, I never got caught doing anything outrageous like arson or theft, but my friends and I did a lot of stupid things that could have easily gotten us into a lot of trouble. I destroyed school property on a number of occasions, and when things got bad in high school I would cut class. In the real world, I shoplifted once or twice and I had plenty of opportunities to drink or smoke whatever I wanted (although I never did while I was in school). Had someone ratted me out on my bad behavior, had a store clerk been a bit more attentive, had I been more receptive to the offers of alcohol or drugs...basically, I was a few coin-flips away from being in the exact bind that these kids got themselves into.
Yet here I sit today in a very fortunate position, happily married with a decent job and a baby on the way. I narrowly avoided wrecking my life and instead merely put myself on the shelf for a few years before getting back on track. Was it merely luck? Did my parents do something right? Was there something else they could have done to prevent the (shallow) ditch I dug for myself? These are now the questions I'm asking myself, both in looking back at my own life and looking ahead to my son's future antics. If he strays or puts himself at risk, will I make the right call? Worse yet, is there a right call to make? That's the scariest thought of all.
Labels: family, fuzzy memories, predicting the future, the horror, the Law, This American Life
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I listened to the end of that broadcast, and while the last story was horribly depressing (especially since his peers were incredibly unreceptive about his suicidal tendencies) I can't even imagine the terror such a story brings on a soon to be parent. But looking at how you turned out (your still probably the quickest and wittiest person I know), and being a nature more than nurture person, I'd say you have nothing to worry about.
Nature more than nurture? So you believe that my son will simply inherit my better qualities? Will he inherit my failures as well? Now I'm more nervous than ever.
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