Thursday, February 19, 2009
A Very Merry Un-Welcome to Me
There's nothing quite as uncomfortable as having a guest make you feel unwanted in your own home. I haven't felt this awkward in twelve years, not since my mother had a friend spend a few days in our house who managed to judge my every move. Back then, it was more or less her house so there wasn't anything to be done. But today - this was a total affront to my head of household status. And yes, I do have that in writing.
I managed to home come early and noticed some extra shoes by the door. This isn't easy, as Mako keeps a half-dozen different pairs out for easy access, but even I could tell that she doesn't wear kid sizes anymore. I came inside and saw Mako talking to a woman I didn't know with a small child asleep on the couch. There was the barest of initial reaction to my presence: she threw out the standard Japanese tropes but neglected to offer me her name or anything actually substantive. All she really did was tell me that her kid was asleep and asked me if I could keep quiet. I went about my usual settling pattern - I put down my bag, took off my coat, etc. - but it wasn't until I stood in front of her and said my name out loud that she finally acknowledged me. Still, all I got was a name before she went back to chatting up Mako.
Since our guest was so intent on ignoring me, I went ahead and tried to ignore her. I started my usual after-work routine of flipping on the computer and catching up on Google Reader and my Twitter feeds. After about a half-hour of this, her kid finally started to show signs of life. At first, he turned towards his mother and Mako, but when they encouraged him to turn around, he finally saw me. I offered a konnichiwa but it sent him scrambling for his mother's arms. It seems even her child was unwilling to engage me in the simplest of exchanges.
Of course, I'm used to having kids ignore me. Hell, I had just come back from spending seven hours in an elementary school half-full of children who take please in ignoring me. The kicker here is what his mother told him as he fled from me. I'm paraphrasing and translating (paralating? transphasing?) here, but basically she said "Look at the blue-eyed man!"
This touches upon something Japanese people do to foreigners, and I've been slowly trying to write a humorous yet cathartic piece about these bizarre assumptions for quite some time. Basically, one of their moves is to describe non-Japanese people as "blue-eyed." Everyone reading this blog knows that the world is not dominated by folks with blue eyes, and I would hope that most of you know that my eyes are decidedly not blue either. So having a stranger whip out a dusty old stereotype to pigeonhole me to her infant son in my own apartment was something I took extreme offense to. Still, I didn't attack her - I just mumbled out loud (in Japanese) "My eyes aren't blue, actually." She made no acknowledgment at all.
Everything else she did to piss me off after that - stripping her kid down on our rug before taking him bare-assed across the apartment to the toilet, smacking him in the head when he tried to pick up a magazine - was pretty petty in comparison. I'm slowly getting used to this idea that disrobing babies and infants in front of others is somehow normal, although this was the first time a stranger did it in my home. And while I haven't really considered whether or not my kid deserves to be spanked at some point, and I recognize that her kid is her kid, I'm certainly never going to physically discipline DJ in public for trying to pick up a magazine. That's fucking cold.
So here's a few tips for anyone thinking about visiting my cozy Japanese apartment: Do treat me like a human being. Don't treat me like a theoretical "foreigner." Because if I'm paying the rent, you're the fucking "gaijin."
I managed to home come early and noticed some extra shoes by the door. This isn't easy, as Mako keeps a half-dozen different pairs out for easy access, but even I could tell that she doesn't wear kid sizes anymore. I came inside and saw Mako talking to a woman I didn't know with a small child asleep on the couch. There was the barest of initial reaction to my presence: she threw out the standard Japanese tropes but neglected to offer me her name or anything actually substantive. All she really did was tell me that her kid was asleep and asked me if I could keep quiet. I went about my usual settling pattern - I put down my bag, took off my coat, etc. - but it wasn't until I stood in front of her and said my name out loud that she finally acknowledged me. Still, all I got was a name before she went back to chatting up Mako.
Since our guest was so intent on ignoring me, I went ahead and tried to ignore her. I started my usual after-work routine of flipping on the computer and catching up on Google Reader and my Twitter feeds. After about a half-hour of this, her kid finally started to show signs of life. At first, he turned towards his mother and Mako, but when they encouraged him to turn around, he finally saw me. I offered a konnichiwa but it sent him scrambling for his mother's arms. It seems even her child was unwilling to engage me in the simplest of exchanges.
Of course, I'm used to having kids ignore me. Hell, I had just come back from spending seven hours in an elementary school half-full of children who take please in ignoring me. The kicker here is what his mother told him as he fled from me. I'm paraphrasing and translating (paralating? transphasing?) here, but basically she said "Look at the blue-eyed man!"
This touches upon something Japanese people do to foreigners, and I've been slowly trying to write a humorous yet cathartic piece about these bizarre assumptions for quite some time. Basically, one of their moves is to describe non-Japanese people as "blue-eyed." Everyone reading this blog knows that the world is not dominated by folks with blue eyes, and I would hope that most of you know that my eyes are decidedly not blue either. So having a stranger whip out a dusty old stereotype to pigeonhole me to her infant son in my own apartment was something I took extreme offense to. Still, I didn't attack her - I just mumbled out loud (in Japanese) "My eyes aren't blue, actually." She made no acknowledgment at all.
Everything else she did to piss me off after that - stripping her kid down on our rug before taking him bare-assed across the apartment to the toilet, smacking him in the head when he tried to pick up a magazine - was pretty petty in comparison. I'm slowly getting used to this idea that disrobing babies and infants in front of others is somehow normal, although this was the first time a stranger did it in my home. And while I haven't really considered whether or not my kid deserves to be spanked at some point, and I recognize that her kid is her kid, I'm certainly never going to physically discipline DJ in public for trying to pick up a magazine. That's fucking cold.
So here's a few tips for anyone thinking about visiting my cozy Japanese apartment: Do treat me like a human being. Don't treat me like a theoretical "foreigner." Because if I'm paying the rent, you're the fucking "gaijin."
Labels: frustration, I hate people, Japan
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Wow, this is the first time I've heard such overt rudeness directed at you from this blog in quite some time, and the fact that it was in your own home only multiplies the bizarreness.
Why was this woman even there?
I never got the blue-eyed thing (though mine are blue-grey), more often the 金髪.
"You're the first blonde person to ever step into this house!"
"... I thought my hair was brown."
I never got the blue-eyed thing (though mine are blue-grey), more often the 金髪.
"You're the first blonde person to ever step into this house!"
"... I thought my hair was brown."
# posted by 
: 20 February, 2009 06:46
: 20 February, 2009 06:46
Wow, what a windfall of attention!
Mako invited this woman over because she used to work with her in that hotel in Kobe, which led to something else that annoyed me. She always referred to Mako using her maiden name, because that is how they addressed each other at work. Personally, I feel that ignoring someone's married name is a bit of a slight, especially when their husband is sitting right there.
Mako did not pick up on my irritation much, but once this lady left I told her everything that bother me about her. I got the impression that they weren't that close and Mako was mainly interested in grilling her on child care questions.
Eight, I actually was blond as a child but not anymore. I don't think that random fact would make me any less perturbed at being falsely stereotyped though.
And DoFuss, please, no violence is needed. I wouldn't want that naked kid to lose his mother, no matter how she treated me (or him).
Mako invited this woman over because she used to work with her in that hotel in Kobe, which led to something else that annoyed me. She always referred to Mako using her maiden name, because that is how they addressed each other at work. Personally, I feel that ignoring someone's married name is a bit of a slight, especially when their husband is sitting right there.
Mako did not pick up on my irritation much, but once this lady left I told her everything that bother me about her. I got the impression that they weren't that close and Mako was mainly interested in grilling her on child care questions.
Eight, I actually was blond as a child but not anymore. I don't think that random fact would make me any less perturbed at being falsely stereotyped though.
And DoFuss, please, no violence is needed. I wouldn't want that naked kid to lose his mother, no matter how she treated me (or him).
Aome is racial, but necessarily racist, as most Japanese (brainwashed by media and publications) envy having biracial kids.
# posted by : 22 February, 2009 02:24
: 22 February, 2009 02:24
Anon, one of my biggest fears is that my child's looks affect his/her life in Japan, because idiots like this would treat him like a foreigner even though he/she will be born (and very likely raised) here. Odds are little DJ isn't going to have blue eyes but that won't stop people asking him WHY he doesn't - just like they ask me.
Your future kid can model in Japan no doubt. You'll be laughing to the ginkou.
コメントがあるちゃう？ Type something, please. It's less work for me.# posted by : 23 February, 2009 00:17
: 23 February, 2009 00:17When leaving comments, please don't remain Anonymous. Click on "Other" and pick a name!
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