Saturday, January 17, 2009
The Opposite of Stockholm Syndrome
After months and months of waiting (years really, if you go back to Casino Royale which opened in November 2006) the new James Bond movie has finally opened in Japan! I spent all week checking showtimes in anticipation of a trip to the movies this weekend. Even if the buzz ranged from "decent follow-up" to "confusing mess," as a long-time fan of Bond I was eager to sit down and see this movie at the earliest possible opportunity.
Too bad we didn't go to the movies today.
Things got off to an awkward, if pleasant start. I was taking it easy this morning, talking to my sister on Skype when Mako expressed there was an urgency to get ready and head outside. She had mentioned an interest in heading to Nakayama Temple for the sake of the baby. What's more, today was inu no hi (literally Day of the Dog) which is part of the whole Chinese zodiac time management thing. It seems that dogs are associated with an easy birth, although having never seen a dog reproduce I don't know why.
Indeed, the whole "let's go honor this tradition for the unborn baby" thing is a little weird for me. Normally I would not say Mako is particularly superstitious or prone to fantasy. She doesn't care for horoscopes and she ignores the many, many outlets for fortune telling in this country. It's one of the big reasons I love her, because I'd have a hard time taking anybody seriously who gave those ridiculous things more than a passing glance. But as a I noted earlier this week, Mako is scared about having a baby and as we can all understand, when you get scared you fall back on tradition and superstition to ease your fears.
Even if I'm not a "believer" I can go with the flow on these kinds of customs. Going to visit a nearby temple and making a silent, private request to an unseen spirit is harmless. It's not like she wants to engage in some kind of risky behavior or forgo a doctor's advice. And while I am not all that keen on religious customs, being less than confident in my belief that someone's upstairs listening, a visit to a temple is so quick there's little to object to. Not to mention the line between "religious observance" and "cultural tradition" in Japan is so blurry they can never be completely separated.
Getting back to the story, I was OK with going to Nakayama today but I wasn't aware that we were under pressure to get there by a certain time. It was then that Mako very casually mentioned that her parents were coming to pick us up and take us there. This I did not know and I was not ready to hear it. It's not that I didn't have enough time to wash before they arrived, but I was planning on calling my dad this morning to wish him a happy birthday. With a sudden rush to get out the door, I didn't have any time to even leave him a message. Hopefully my sister told him I was thinking of him and I'll reach him tomorrow. I did mail a present but I know it hasn't arrived yet.
I digress again...we drove to the nearby temple and aside from the thickness of traffic (it would have been much faster to just take the train) the visit was stress-free. In fact, it was completely free - the temple charged no admission and Mako's mother paid for the only keepsake we took away. Mako also declined to participate in whatever these folks were lining up for. She said it cost more than $100 as well, so I agreed with her decision. The whole visit took less than half an hour and we all had lunch afterwards. The weather was nice and things seemed perfectly normal.
We then started driving and I didn't know where we were going. Mako's dad made some kind of comments about Kyoto and Hana Town*, the rural area where I work, but otherwise there was no clear goal. We ended up going through the city we live in and headed directly towards Hana. I pointed out a couple things along the way, still not clear on where we were going. We passed through the town and kept going. Initially I just tried to relax and enjoy the "scenery," even though the Osaka/Hyogo/Kyoto border area is pretty barren. It wasn't long before I fell asleep.
I woke up thirty or forty minutes later and we were somewhere in Kyoto near Kameoka. Mako's dad made a couple U-turns, a clear sign he didn't know where he was going. Suddenly he stopped and got out of the car - alone. We waited while he walked around a quiet building that appeared shuttered for the season. He came back and said "Yeah, it's closed" and then we left. I still don't know what that building meant or what he thought he would find. All I knew was that we had spent an hour and a half in the car and gotten absolutely nowhere. I felt like I was a hostage, even if my captors were super nice people.
On our winding way back through Osaka, Mako's dad spotted a sign pointing towards a mountain. This mountain happens to be near Hana Town so I was a little curious to see what the sign was pointing towards. As we drove up and up, it became apparent that the sign was simply indicating that yes, this was a mountain. There wasn't anything to see, we simply drove around tight curve after tight curve, surrounded by trees. Eventually, he just turned around and we ended up on the same road as before, only we were a few miles further from home.
As we passed through Ikeda I knew that our apartment was getting close. I asked where we were going and he said we were going back to their house which was probably an hour away. At that point I didn't know what else to do. I simply said I "didn't feel well" and asked if I could go home. It wasn't a lie as much as it was an exaggeration (thank you, Spock). After all, I had been trapped in a car for almost four hours and I really wanted to get out. He understood and diverted towards our place. Much to my surprise, Mako also decided to come home with me, either out of solidarity or out of genuine agreement.
It's not that I dislike my in-laws at all because they are genuinely friendly people who have treated me and my family with extreme kindness. I have no problems spending time with them from time to time, even if I occasionally feel trapped in their house with nothing to do. What drove me (literally) nuts this afternoon was the fact that we did nothing and it took the entire afternoon. I couldn't bear to spend the rest of my evening in the same state of waiting to go home - I had to just go home.
I hope that they didn't perceive my behavior as rude and I also hope that Mako's dad doesn't feel like he did something wrong. I mean, I think he was wrong but I don't want him to feel bad about it. Ideally, I just want to talk to Mako and her family about spending time together and find a middle ground where we meet and do things rather than meet and do nothing. I certainly need all the support I can get in this country so I'm not about to burn any bridges, especially when it comes to family.
* I know it's been a while since I used this pseudonym for the area where I work, so just a reminder: it's not really called Hana Town.
Too bad we didn't go to the movies today.
Things got off to an awkward, if pleasant start. I was taking it easy this morning, talking to my sister on Skype when Mako expressed there was an urgency to get ready and head outside. She had mentioned an interest in heading to Nakayama Temple for the sake of the baby. What's more, today was inu no hi (literally Day of the Dog) which is part of the whole Chinese zodiac time management thing. It seems that dogs are associated with an easy birth, although having never seen a dog reproduce I don't know why.
Indeed, the whole "let's go honor this tradition for the unborn baby" thing is a little weird for me. Normally I would not say Mako is particularly superstitious or prone to fantasy. She doesn't care for horoscopes and she ignores the many, many outlets for fortune telling in this country. It's one of the big reasons I love her, because I'd have a hard time taking anybody seriously who gave those ridiculous things more than a passing glance. But as a I noted earlier this week, Mako is scared about having a baby and as we can all understand, when you get scared you fall back on tradition and superstition to ease your fears.
Even if I'm not a "believer" I can go with the flow on these kinds of customs. Going to visit a nearby temple and making a silent, private request to an unseen spirit is harmless. It's not like she wants to engage in some kind of risky behavior or forgo a doctor's advice. And while I am not all that keen on religious customs, being less than confident in my belief that someone's upstairs listening, a visit to a temple is so quick there's little to object to. Not to mention the line between "religious observance" and "cultural tradition" in Japan is so blurry they can never be completely separated.
Getting back to the story, I was OK with going to Nakayama today but I wasn't aware that we were under pressure to get there by a certain time. It was then that Mako very casually mentioned that her parents were coming to pick us up and take us there. This I did not know and I was not ready to hear it. It's not that I didn't have enough time to wash before they arrived, but I was planning on calling my dad this morning to wish him a happy birthday. With a sudden rush to get out the door, I didn't have any time to even leave him a message. Hopefully my sister told him I was thinking of him and I'll reach him tomorrow. I did mail a present but I know it hasn't arrived yet.
I digress again...we drove to the nearby temple and aside from the thickness of traffic (it would have been much faster to just take the train) the visit was stress-free. In fact, it was completely free - the temple charged no admission and Mako's mother paid for the only keepsake we took away. Mako also declined to participate in whatever these folks were lining up for. She said it cost more than $100 as well, so I agreed with her decision. The whole visit took less than half an hour and we all had lunch afterwards. The weather was nice and things seemed perfectly normal.
We then started driving and I didn't know where we were going. Mako's dad made some kind of comments about Kyoto and Hana Town*, the rural area where I work, but otherwise there was no clear goal. We ended up going through the city we live in and headed directly towards Hana. I pointed out a couple things along the way, still not clear on where we were going. We passed through the town and kept going. Initially I just tried to relax and enjoy the "scenery," even though the Osaka/Hyogo/Kyoto border area is pretty barren. It wasn't long before I fell asleep.
I woke up thirty or forty minutes later and we were somewhere in Kyoto near Kameoka. Mako's dad made a couple U-turns, a clear sign he didn't know where he was going. Suddenly he stopped and got out of the car - alone. We waited while he walked around a quiet building that appeared shuttered for the season. He came back and said "Yeah, it's closed" and then we left. I still don't know what that building meant or what he thought he would find. All I knew was that we had spent an hour and a half in the car and gotten absolutely nowhere. I felt like I was a hostage, even if my captors were super nice people.
On our winding way back through Osaka, Mako's dad spotted a sign pointing towards a mountain. This mountain happens to be near Hana Town so I was a little curious to see what the sign was pointing towards. As we drove up and up, it became apparent that the sign was simply indicating that yes, this was a mountain. There wasn't anything to see, we simply drove around tight curve after tight curve, surrounded by trees. Eventually, he just turned around and we ended up on the same road as before, only we were a few miles further from home.
As we passed through Ikeda I knew that our apartment was getting close. I asked where we were going and he said we were going back to their house which was probably an hour away. At that point I didn't know what else to do. I simply said I "didn't feel well" and asked if I could go home. It wasn't a lie as much as it was an exaggeration (thank you, Spock). After all, I had been trapped in a car for almost four hours and I really wanted to get out. He understood and diverted towards our place. Much to my surprise, Mako also decided to come home with me, either out of solidarity or out of genuine agreement.
It's not that I dislike my in-laws at all because they are genuinely friendly people who have treated me and my family with extreme kindness. I have no problems spending time with them from time to time, even if I occasionally feel trapped in their house with nothing to do. What drove me (literally) nuts this afternoon was the fact that we did nothing and it took the entire afternoon. I couldn't bear to spend the rest of my evening in the same state of waiting to go home - I had to just go home.
I hope that they didn't perceive my behavior as rude and I also hope that Mako's dad doesn't feel like he did something wrong. I mean, I think he was wrong but I don't want him to feel bad about it. Ideally, I just want to talk to Mako and her family about spending time together and find a middle ground where we meet and do things rather than meet and do nothing. I certainly need all the support I can get in this country so I'm not about to burn any bridges, especially when it comes to family.
* I know it's been a while since I used this pseudonym for the area where I work, so just a reminder: it's not really called Hana Town.
Labels: family, frustration, James Bond, Japan, movies
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Hmmm yes tread carefully. Certainly don't want to offend anyone. But it seems this should be something you can discuss openly with Mako...Hope she feels better!
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