Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Hormonal Kombat
Two weeks in and 2009 is not exactly going to plan. Certain things are going well while other things are not. While I'm confident that the not-going-well things can be righted eventually, I must admit that I am somewhat vexed by the present situation.
Some of you (ok, one of you) wrote to me concerned about the tone of these recent tweets. If I sounded scared and worried it's because I was. Mako had come home from shopping last Wednesday and promptly shut me out. She spent the rest of the evening either laying on the couch or in bed, not speaking to me unless I asked her a direct question and then only managing one word responses. The next morning she continued her stand-offish behavior and only after I pushed her to tell me what was wrong did she admit that she wanted "to talk," insisting it would have to wait until after I came home from work. Her tone was so gloomy and she seemed so distant that I seriously feared the worst possible news, hence the gravity of those messages I posted.
The good, no, great news is that there is no crisis and Mako is almost entirely back to her normal, adorable self. The bad news is that her sour mood and sullen behavior was an off-the-wall reaction to me playing a video game, indicating that the love triangle I mentioned is apparently not blowing over and going away. Again, I must stress that things have cooled considerably since last week but the ease at which this non-issue erupted makes me a little anxious. Here is a woman who was more composed than I was at our emotional 2006 parting because she decided "don't cry," yet she was in tears last Thursday questioning my commitment to our marriage and the baby.
Having had enough time to process and reflect on all that was said, I think I'm able to better understand where she was coming from. Mako is going though an incredible transformation right now, one that I am physically incapable of comprehending. Of course I think about the baby constantly and I actively wonder about how well I will be able to handle the responsibilities heading my way, but that's no comparison to what Mako is dealing with every day. She's got that little monster tucked deep inside her, growing by the minute and making enormous demands towards that purpose. The resulting discomfort, both physical and emotional, is clearly beyond my understanding.
So it's important that I cut her some serious slack when it comes to irrational behavior and accusatory leaps of logic like what happened last week. Looking back, I can see that this incident was simply part of a larger pattern where she frets about the baby and openly doubts about our child-rearing skills, not just mine. Usually this attitude manifests itself as questions about the baby that range from sensible ("What if the baby is a boy?") to the unusual ("What if the baby is gay?") to downright insane ("What if the baby is Haruna Ai?"). I need to learn to forget about what happened just as easily as I laugh about the silly questions, because it's all coming from the same place: she's scared. I'm scared too, but she's simply closer to all of this so she's not going to be as logical about it as I can be.
Some of you (ok, one of you) wrote to me concerned about the tone of these recent tweets. If I sounded scared and worried it's because I was. Mako had come home from shopping last Wednesday and promptly shut me out. She spent the rest of the evening either laying on the couch or in bed, not speaking to me unless I asked her a direct question and then only managing one word responses. The next morning she continued her stand-offish behavior and only after I pushed her to tell me what was wrong did she admit that she wanted "to talk," insisting it would have to wait until after I came home from work. Her tone was so gloomy and she seemed so distant that I seriously feared the worst possible news, hence the gravity of those messages I posted.
The good, no, great news is that there is no crisis and Mako is almost entirely back to her normal, adorable self. The bad news is that her sour mood and sullen behavior was an off-the-wall reaction to me playing a video game, indicating that the love triangle I mentioned is apparently not blowing over and going away. Again, I must stress that things have cooled considerably since last week but the ease at which this non-issue erupted makes me a little anxious. Here is a woman who was more composed than I was at our emotional 2006 parting because she decided "don't cry," yet she was in tears last Thursday questioning my commitment to our marriage and the baby.
Having had enough time to process and reflect on all that was said, I think I'm able to better understand where she was coming from. Mako is going though an incredible transformation right now, one that I am physically incapable of comprehending. Of course I think about the baby constantly and I actively wonder about how well I will be able to handle the responsibilities heading my way, but that's no comparison to what Mako is dealing with every day. She's got that little monster tucked deep inside her, growing by the minute and making enormous demands towards that purpose. The resulting discomfort, both physical and emotional, is clearly beyond my understanding.
So it's important that I cut her some serious slack when it comes to irrational behavior and accusatory leaps of logic like what happened last week. Looking back, I can see that this incident was simply part of a larger pattern where she frets about the baby and openly doubts about our child-rearing skills, not just mine. Usually this attitude manifests itself as questions about the baby that range from sensible ("What if the baby is a boy?") to the unusual ("What if the baby is gay?") to downright insane ("What if the baby is Haruna Ai?"). I need to learn to forget about what happened just as easily as I laugh about the silly questions, because it's all coming from the same place: she's scared. I'm scared too, but she's simply closer to all of this so she's not going to be as logical about it as I can be.
Labels: family, marriage, pregnancy, video games
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first of all, I am INCREDIBLY glad that it wasn't something life changing serious. I personally didn't twitter because I was afraid of the answer I would get. Second, I really hope that this love triangle is only becoming a problem due to the miniature person growing inside of Mako. On a less serious note, thank you for introducing me to Haruna Ai. I am going to have SO much fun with my friends with this little bit of Japanese pop culture.
# posted by 
: 14 January, 2009 07:19
: 14 January, 2009 07:19
She's a real charmer, even if her one gag is wearing thin. Still, watching certain people openly question her gender (she's a transsexual, not just a transvestite) and seeing her occasionally yell in a "man voice" are always funny.
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