a history of me

It had been a long, lonely week up until yesterday. I flew across the ocean on a plane full of strangers before being crammed into a luxury hotel for an "orientation" that produced more questions than answers, followed by a trip out into the countryside where I got my own apartment that included no means to reach (or be reached by) anyone back home. This weekend, on the other hand, has offered me huge steps towards adjustment and Mako played a huge part in that.

I think the big problem that I keep encountering again and again is the overall sensation of helplessness, which I find to be one of the scariest, most unsettling feelings in the world. I have no confidence in my ability to teach children OR satisfy my employers, not to mention the language barrier which, at this point, masks 25-90% of the words that I hear in mystery. Yet everyone around me here insists that everything will be fine and that I need to relax, Am I the one who's crazy here? Is this all no big deal to the other JETs out there? Most of the new people I met at the orientation spoke little or no Japanese at all, how the hell are they coping with this?

As if that weren't enough, I am having real difficulty adjusting to the physical enviroment as well. I've been to Japan three times now, but I have never experienced it quite like this. Everyday, the high temperature is in the nineties with 85+% humidity. At night, it cools to the low eighties. I have an air conditioner in my apartment but I fear the huge electric bill I'm going to receive when all this adds up.

Let's try to get back to Mako and the weekend. First off, the trip down to see her on Saturday was not an easy one. August is a popular season for fireworks in Japan, and part of the celebration apparently includes dressing up in yukata. So I found myself on a very crowded train surrounded by young people dressed in traditional get-ups, all of whom were exceptionally chatty that evening. Train rides are usually an opportunity to relax but the crowds, the noise and the unfamiliarity of it all was kind of overwhelming. I felt like I wanted to stand up and shout at everyone to shut the hell up and dress like normal people! Obviously, I've had trouble fitting in around here but I've never felt more out of sync with the world than I did on that train.

As soon as I saw Mako at the station I pleaded with her to "help me" and she did, immediately, by simply smiling and telling me that everything will be OK. Superficially, this is a pretty generic statement but hearing it from her really did allow me to relax a little bit. I think her words have so much more weight because I know that she's trying as hard as she can to make things easier for me now that I'm here. And the first thing she did was get me a brand-new mobile phone under her name in order to avoid any red tape that my "foreigner" status sometimes raises. Now that I've got one, I have a number that I can offer to my co-workers, the landlord, and anyone else who might need to contact me in an emergency. Up until this point, Gary had been calling all these people on my behalf and giving them his phone number.

Once I was with Mako, Saturday night was pretty quiet. I had (that is to say, I tried my best to have) a conversation with her father that revolved around my future in Japan, which so far as I could tell did not involve a single mention of the word "wedding" or "marriage." Maybe he's leaving that up to us to decide? The way Mako described him, I got the impression he'd want a lot more say in that process. I'm fine either way, frankly, so long as I don't have to buy a kimono or something. Those things are hella expensive!

Today Mako came to see me, and my apartment, for the first time. She did her best to explain some of the things the previous resident left behind, much of which I didn't understand. The washing machine was of particular importance, because after an entire week in Japanese summer weather I had plenty of clothes that needed laundering! She prepared a nice lunch for the two of us, as well as cooking something on the stove for me to eat the following day. Overall, she seemed impressed by the apartment (which, strictly speaking, is called a mansion in Japanese) and the area, so it sounds like one potential course of action is to get married and have her move in with me. It would add to her commute significantly but it would save a lot of time and money vs. finding our own place.

In the evening, we went back to her home and all of us went out for yakiniku. I can't say what to expect at work, but if this weekend has been any indication of things, my in-laws are looking to spoil me rotten.