a history of me

This will likely be my last post of the year as I'm leaving tomorrow morning for Tokyo. Unless there's a free Internet connection sitting in my hotel I doubt I'll bother seeking out a computer to update over the weekend.

I did little today. Kazu came by and asked me to look over his "personal essay" for his university applications. In turn, he was invaluably helpful by calling hotels for me and checking on room availability. For all of Japan's obvious technology, booking a hotel over the Internet is a surprisingly slow and annoying process using e-mail submissions and lots of waiting for a reply. I learned your best bet is to call and ask.

Speaking of technology, check out my latest video: a look at the fancy dorm toilets (right click and save). Warning, the file is quite large and there is some "adult language" (or possibly childish-language, when you think about it).

I went with Kazu back to Osaka where we ran into Jacques and Manami and the four of us had a very cheap dinner. Kazu tried to take us somewhere but he had no idea where it was, leading us to just pick the nearest Sukiya. After dinner the couple went elsewhere while Kazu and I hit the Blarney Stone to meet Dylan for a few drinks. Well, I drank but Kazu was reluctant. I think he had a decent time though, he seemed to strike up a rising conversation with some locals. Dylan and I, on the other hand, met some chill dude who has been working as a musician in Osaka for fifteen years. He found humor in the fact that Dylan had partied more in eight days than I had in the past four months. He actually gave me his number, telling me I needed to get out more often. I'm assuming his intentions are genuine! Maybe I'll drop him a line in the new year; it never hurts to have more friends.

Speaking of the new year, I suppose I should make the obligatory "look back at 2005" post right about now. Well I won't because who cares, honestly? The archives link is sitting there for anyone and everyone to "look back" at my life on their own time. I'm too busy to reminisce about a random number grouping.

To those of you going out this weekend, enjoy yourselves. If you're not going out, why not? I've been there so I know going out is always more fun, even if it's just to your friend's house to play King of Fighters and imitate William Shatner all night long. Happy New Year.

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Here are those photos I promised you.

I made a separate page for the pictures (and two videos) which can be seen right here. Most of them are very nice, although I continue to find my own face rather unpleasant when captured on film. Maybe it's just the "extreme close up" look that I inevitably capture when I have to take my own picture. When other people take the picture it tends to look nicer.

I also wanted to give a plug to this clip you may have already heard about: Lazy Sunday. It's a funny rap video shot in New York for Saturday Night Live. Not only does it make me laugh but it makes me nostalgic for the streets of home (not to mention those Magnolia Bakery cupcakes). It also makes me eager to resume my amateur musical career!

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Plans are in place for much travel and excitement in my life. Two of the three trips involve me and Mako, with whom I enjoyed the afternoon.

Upon meeting me today Mako gave me my new hat which she made for me (still no word on my missing ALASKA hat). I'll post a picture of it soon, maybe one of you can tell me what color it is. It's a little big and it's not as warm as my lost hat but I love it and I love her for making it for me. I see this as another compelling piece of evidence that Mako, despite my anxieties, is actually very fond of me. Some day I hope to convince myself that she really loves me so I can stop worrying about it all the time.

With Mako's help I bought tickets on the shinkansen for my trip to Tokyo this Friday. The process is kind of complicated as there are so many different kinds of trains you can ride on and different kinds of tickets to buy, so I really appreciated her being there. She even took me to a couple discount ticket booths in the hopes of saving me a few Yen but given the popularity of holiday travel we couldn't find any deals.

Mako gave me my train ticket for our trip to Ishikawa next week. Unfortunately, she's going to busy until that point so this was her last opportunity to give me my ticket. I told her I'd be thinking about her everyday from now through next Friday, which is true. She promised to mail me on New Year's and I have no doubt that she will.

What's the third trip? Ah, that's still top secret. I will say that it won't be until March when I have Spring Break and it involves leaving the country. Mako booked the flights and we took a look at some hotel brochures today. Right now it looks to be a very memorable experience, especially as Mako and I get closer to one another. Who knows where we'll be by March?

I feel much better than I did yesterday thanks to spending time with her today. It sounds silly, but I feel so high on myself and the world when we're together I tend to sink down a little when I don't see her. Am I addicted to Mako? Or is this just love? Either way it's going to be nine days until my next fix. Here's hoping I don't crash!

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I hate to even suggest this, but I wonder if I would be happier if I spent less time with Dylan and Scott.

Before you condemn me, let me explain where I've been for the past two days. Yesterday afternoon Dylan and I met in Kyoto, his first trip outside of Osaka. We didn't have a specific plan so we ended up walking to a temple in the neighborhood of Kyoto Station. I had passed the temple last week on my bus rides to and from the movie set and I was eager to have a closer look.

The temple is Tôji and it dates back some 400 years. I took a couple pictures but the most impressive sights were not permitted to be photographed. Inside the buildings were some very large statues of Buddha (or is it Buddhas?) which were most impressive.

After seeing the temple it was already starting to get dark so I rode the train with Dylan back to Osaka. We met up with Scott in Umeda (at Captain Kangaroo again) and enjoyed a few drinks. The Captain was too quiet last night so we went over to The Blarney Stone. Since the three of us were together we kept drinking past the usual cutoff time and Scott let me crash at his place. We ended up watching Auto Focus, a movie I had recommended to Scott and I think he really enjoyed it.

We slept past noon today and spent a few hours playing NEOGEO Battle Coliseum which Scott got for Christmas for his PS2. It's a fun game but, as I've often said, my interest in video games will never be what it once was. Whether that's a statement about me or the games remains to be seen. Someday, I'll write more about the subject, I promise.

As the sun set Scott was eager to prepare for his trip to Tokyo tomorrow. At this point, Dylan and I plan to go later this week and spend New Year's there. It will be expensive for me but if I don't go I'll spend the remainder of my trip wondering why I passed up an opportunity to party with two friends in Tokyo on New Year's Eve. It's not that Tokyo is somehow special (although it very might prove to be), it's just that I know I won't have as much fun if I stay in Osaka by myself. Mako won't be available as she'll be home with her family or working, and neither of those activities can include me.

So let me get back to my outrageous statement at the beginning of this post: why would I express regret about spending time with my friends? The truth revolves around my continued social insecurities. Both Scott and Dylan are very comfortable talking to women and when we hang out, they easily strike up conversations and I feel more awkward than ever. I also feel an intense personal pressure to somehow keep up with them or at least try harder to meet other women. Ostensibly, I don't think that's a bad thing because at my age I shouldn't have any problems talking to women anymore.

However, there's also my relationship with Mako to be considered. The more I talk to other women, the more I question whether or not I should try to maintain a serious relationship. It's not that I have any doubts about how I feel about her, but I have to wonder if what would happen if I really tried to get somewhere with all of these other women I meet. How would that change my self-image? Should I be so quick to commit to a long-term relationship after such a long period of loneliness? Or am I just thinking this way because I so envy the prowess my friends demonstrate every night?

It's actually a form of peer pressure when you think about it. No, no one is actively telling me to abandon Mako and sleep around, but the stories I hear make me jealous. I know there's nothing to be gained by admiring the neighbor's grass or asking "what if" questions, but just because I know it's bad for me doesn't mean I can simply stop doing it. If I could do that, I wouldn't be obese!

Is the only way to be truly happy to simply accept that I have several major shortcomings that cannot be changed? Or would that be giving up on bettering myself?

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Everyday I plan to sit down and get to all the pictures sitting in my camera and everyday I seem to get involved in something else which ultimately leads to more picture taking. I'm also finding myself with less and less time to blog as I do more and more hanging out with Dylan. Of course, the more we hang out the more stories I have to tell on the blog, right?

Almost right. The thing to remember is that this is my blog that I knowingly write, publish and control. It's not my friends' blog. I don't know what I can safely say about their activities without offending them. If there's one thing writing a diary on the internet has taught me, it's that some people are very nervous about other people writing about them on the internet. So while I know many of my friends back home want to know about our nights out here in Japan, I don't know how much of our nights out Dylan wants written for the world to see. To my friends, I promise to ask Dylan this question the next time I see him to clear this up.

Having said that, I feel perfectly comfortable telling you that Dylan and I spent Christmas Eve drinking in Captain Kangaroo in Umeda. We started during Happy Hour when the bar was virtually empty. This meant we were free to talk about anything we wanted and partake of the Captain's enjoyable burgers. As Happy Hour drew to a close we got contacted by a young lady whom we had met earlier in the week. She and her friend showed up to the bar at our invitation and the four of us drank together until 11 or so. I had to be on my best "talkative" behavior as my Japanese knowledge was a necessary component of continuing the conversation. Neither of these girls spoke much English and Dylan doesn't speak any Japanese. In hindsight, I think I did a decent job of it.

The girls had a curfew and I had a last train home to consider, but we wrapped up our evening at a Print Club machine. Based on his reaction to the apparatus, I'm assuming it was Dylan's first encounter with said device. We posed for a series of photos at the girls' insistence which lead me to tell Dylan "We're trophies." At this point I'm not sure whether or not that's a good or a bad thing.

That ties directly into something Dylan told me earlier that same night: being in a foreign country (especially Japan) makes you "special" and that be a tremendous amount of fun, especially to a short-term visitor like Dylan but even for a student like me. I know I'm far from the ugliest thing walking on two legs but there's no way I could have spent last night drinking and flirting with a very cute girl in the United States. Back home, the competition is simply too strenuous. Put the four of us in any New York bar and that girl would have found someone taller/younger/better within ten minutes. Here in Japan, I'm a rare commodity that isn't easily replaced.

I should also probably explain about that girl: nothing questionable occurred between us. We both drank (I suspect she actually got drunk) and got a little hands-on flirty. As far as I'm concerned, I was playing the role of "wingman." This girl came to see Dylan and she brought a friend. Therefore, I entertained that friend and made us a happy quartet instead of an awkward threesome (especially given the language issue). I didn't kiss her or ask her for her number or anything. Indeed, during the evening Dylan even showed them pictures of me and Mako from Kobe so there was no illusions as to what was happening. For the record, I will admit that I got a kick out of flirting with a girl that cute and being in a position of power for once.

Let's segue from that imaginary date to today when I spent Christmas with my very real (and adorably cute) girlfriend in a variety of situations. We met in Kyoto and took in the exhibits at the Kyoto National Museum, which was small but affordable. Probably the most memorable sight was the fountain outside which had both streaming jets of water as well as an assortment of koi living inside. I've never seen such a combination before.

At the museum we also exchanged Christmas presents, something I'm not in the habit of doing. I never celebrated Christmas growing up and when I gave people presents, it was either specifically for Chanukah or I would insist that the gift was for a "non-specific holiday" which I declined to name. Today, I gave Mako a Christmas present complete with a card where I wrote "Merry Christmas" (in Japanese of course). The process was surprisingly painless.

My present was kind of lame (the Japanese translation of the novel Memoirs of a Geisha since she enjoyed the movie) because I couldn't think of a nicer present that I could also afford: I had already done jewelry for her birthday and I didn't know her size so clothing was out. I thought about perfume/makeup but she does a much better job of making herself pretty/sweet-smelling than I ever could. I knew she was in the market for various electronics but they were all way out of my price range. Ultimately, I counted on my affection to offset the non-personal nature of the gift and I believe it worked. She gave me a new bottle of cologne, apparently the "male" companion to the perfume she uses. She also offered to knit me a new wool hat to replace my precious ALASKA hat which is still missing. How can this girl get any sweeter?

We spent the afternoon climbing the steep stairs of Fushimi Inari. Mako had never been there before and wanted to see it after hearing about my visit in October and seeing it in the Geisha movie. I was surprised at how hard it was to reach the top, but then again I'm still woefully out of shape. Watching old people come down the steps was a constant reminder of that! I finally managed to find a torii with my birth year (and month) and Mako took my picture next to it. Fun fact: it also had Mako's family name written on it! We found one with Mako's birth year but obviously I wasn't allowed to take a picture; God forbid you knew her age...

Dinner was in Osaka (specifically in the neighborhood around Kyobashi) and we had Thai food. It was unforgivingly spicy and delicious, but the spice was almost too much for my nose to take. It's funny, I guess I assumed Mako wouldn't be up for really spicy food since Japanese food in general seems to mute the spice of international foods. Yet when we ate tonight she seemed much less affected by the food than I did. Apparently my face turned bright red! It was damn tasty though, especially the crab. Have you ever tried to extract crab meat from a shell with just chopsticks? It's harder than it sounds.

So I'm not sure what's happening this week. Mako says she's busy until our trip in January. I hope to see and hang out with Dylan again (he leaves the same day Mako and I go to the countryside) but I don't think I can continue the pace of last week where we drank and went out every night. Scott is going to Tokyo soon and I'm sure Dylan will be going too. I'm not sure I can afford to join them, as it will cost me at least 12,000 Yen just on transportation. But I don't want to spend New Year's Eve alone, that would totally suck.

Pictures coming soon, I promise...

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