a history of me

I'm sooooo fucking tired right now. It's been a very up and down day. Some things were incredible, others were so frustrating I wanted to scream. Don't worry, I'm not losing it...yet.

First and foremost, I cannot turn on my laptop computer and I am pissed. That thing was working on Sunday when I removed it from Ben's house. Now it doesn't do anything besides light up the power indicator! I'm trying to do some long distance tech support with my friends but I fear I will have to have some local guy take a look at it. Whether he fixes it or not, I can only imagine what he's going to charge me. Fuck!!!

Today we had a luncheon to officially kick off the academic year. We were asked to dress "semi-formally" which for me meant long pants and a nice shirt. Some people went ahead and put on a jacket and tie too but I don't know how they lasted ten seconds outside in this heat and humidity. Everyone gathered in the Multimedia Hall again only this time there were some lovely decorations (see below). The President of the University gave a speech in Japanese as someone else read a translation. The guy reading sounded like an Australian version of Hugh Hefner. Let that sink into your head for a second...yeah, it was surreal.


Apparently the guy in the pink trucker's hat has a very different idea of "semi-formal" than the rest of us.

The next speech from the Consul General, a Mr. Daniel Russel. I did not not enjoy his speech very much because he seem unprepared. Worse, he told us that our visit was helping to "prevent war" which I thought was in poor taste given that our government is currently waging a war abroad. He also took a second to address us American students specifically (we made up more than half of the audience) and he told us to "stay out of trouble." Hey buddy, mind your own business! Thanks for re-enforcing the popular stereotype that all Americans who study abroad are just looking for cheap thrills instead of actually doing something meaningful.

Tired and sweaty, the next speaker actually impressed me. He happens to be teaching one of my courses this fall, the "Struggle for Justice" one. His remarks were well-delivered and meaningful. I identified with what he said because he maintained that coming to Japan changed his life and it could change all of ours as well. That hit home for me because I believe my first visit to Japan was absolutely a life-changing experience. Of course, I drifted away from his speech once I started reminiscing but it was still a good one. He also gave everyone a marble as a symbol of...crap, I forgot what the marble represents. The point is, I took one and I'm going to keep it.

The remaining speeches were not worth remembering. One of the Japanese teachers got up and spoke entirely in Japanese which, as I am being painfully reminded of everyday, I don't speak or understand at all. Some members of the crowd laughed though, so there are obviously some students who appreciated what she said.



After the speeches we had a nice buffet luncheon in the cafeteria. I could have eaten better but I don't think I overate, given that I hadn't eaten breakfast. Anyway, free food doesn't count when you're dieting. I did a little mingling but my moistness and social anxieties convinced me to give up about ten minutes after I finished eating. We had a big trip planned for the afternoon and I simply couldn't do it in my semi-formal get-up. So I walked all the way back to the dorm, changed my clothes and re-applied all deodorants. I ran into my roommate and we had a brief chat. He woke me up again last night so we need to find a compromise. I promised to try to fall asleep on my side and he agreed to get earplugs. Whatever happens, I don't see why he has any right to wake me up because I'm snoring. It's an involuntary action for fuck's sake!


This sign warns women about purse snatching, apparently a frequent crime in this area.

The big trip was an outing to 京都 (Kyôto). The school made a very smart decision: they lined up Japanese students and foreign students separately, then paired us together and had the Japanese students escort the foreign ones. I somehow got paired with a second American so that the two of us could be matched with a pair of Japanese girls. It was a little weird because this guy actually made me look good: not only was he heavier than me (a rare find) but I spoke way more Japanese than he did.

We walked from the University to the nearest train station, fumbling through basic conversation along the way. The girls asked us where we wanted to go. I only knew of one thing to see in Kyôto but it turned out to be too far away. I'll make it a point to get there later, I guess. Anyway, they suggested a famous temple called 清水寺 (Kiyomizudera) which was fine by me.

The temple was beautiful and I took lots of pictures. Rather than clutter up this post, just check out this page for images and the basic story.

We came back to the main station here in Hirakata. I had never been to the station before so rather than hurry back to the dorm, I walked about the neighborhood a little. I had a bite to eat at MOS Burger, a strange Caesar Salad that had little bits of pepperoni or something. I also found my way into an arcade and killed a good ten minutes playing NeoGeo Battle Coliseum. It was only 50 Yen too!

This weekend should be pretty quiet. I might manage to hook up with Kazu or Scott since they are both in town and should be available. Otherwise, classes don't start until Monday so let's see what I can do with myself in the meantime!

つづく... (Click here to read more)

Before I get into today's post, I just want to thank everyone who left me positive words of reinforcement, whether here on the site or privately over e-mail. You're all very kind. Honestly though, I know it's not the end of the world. All I have to do is look back to last year and remember how uncomfortable I was when I first arrived at UAlbany. This is just kind of a double whammy in that it's a new environment in a new country as well. Of course, the upside of that is there's some real scenic beauty here to behold once I relax. Albany hasn't got shit.


Case in point: This lovely torii is located in a park between my dorm and the campus.

After I expressed my despair yesterday I went out to eat to cheer myself up. I walked in a totally new direction just to see what I might find. I walked a good half-mile or so before picking out a random izakaya that just looked cool. Naturally, I couldn't understand much on the menu but I could read enough to spot my regular yakitori (焼き鳥) and try a little ikayaki (イカ焼き, pictured below).


Looks nice enough, right? Sorry, I can't pronounce the name of the establishment.


MMMmmm, now that's a good looking squid!

As I ate at the bar I got to watch some Hanshin Tigers baseball. It felt just like watching a Yankees game back at Ariyoshi in New York. Of course, I was quickly reminded of where I was when the patron next to me lit up a cigarette. Then the guy working the grill lit one up too! Japanese cigarettes don't really bother me, it's just a funny little thing that, being a foreigner, stand out to me as very different from the U.S. My meal was quite enjoyable although the bill came to a hefty 1400+ Yen, too much for a casual outing I think. I will have to be more frugal when it comes to dining alone.


More funny differences: Japanese toilets have two flush options, "big" and "small." Might as well just put "1" and "2" on there.


Behold the almighty Jet Towel! Too bad it's still not as effective as a regular towel.

Today was a pretty important day as I had to register for classes. As I mentioned, my draw in the lottery was pretty poor so last night I prepared by choosing no less than six alternate choices should any of my first choices fill up. Considering that all of these courses qualify towards my major back home, I found it surprisingly hard to pick out courses to take. I guess they're all about Japan which interests me a lot (otherwise I wouldn't be here) but so many of the courses were business-specific crap that I couldn't imagine anyone enjoying. I guess they have to cater to all those Business majors who take Japanese as some kind of career move.


As you can see there was a decent crowd. We all had a number which cut down on the pushing and shoving. They just called out the numbers in order, like a deli, and we went in. As expected, two of my first choices filled up before I made it in: Intro to Japanese history and New Japanese Cinema. The latter was no surprise (anything even remotely related to anime goes over big in this crowd) but History? I thought that would be an easy target. Anyway, I ended up getting into The Struggle for Justice (Best. Course Title. Ever!), Making the News in Japan (media analysis) and Geishas, Gangsters and Samurai: Images of Japan in Western Film & Literature. The last one actually filled up as my courses were being submitted into the computer which means I took the last seat. BOO-ya-ka-sha!


What's wrong with this picture? Actually, this display is based on a centuries-old Japanese map of the world.


Funny how the "clenched fist" look never caught in American politics.

I'm off to eat dinner. Tomorrow we're having a semi-formal luncheon to commemorate the start of the school year. It should yield some nice photos and, more importantly, a free lunch.

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I'm quickly realizing that there's a "sink or swim" attitude around here and I'm doing my best to keep my head above water but today I nearly drowned.


This dorm, "Seminar House 2," may be my home for the entire semester.

As I mentioned earlier today, I was up pretty early thanks to my mysterious Swedish roommate, Gustav. My hope was to get to the bank by 9AM in order to exchange some money so I could pay my bills at the earliest possible time in the hopes of streamlining my registration process. Of course, after walking well over a mile to find said bank, I found out that they don't do currency exchange before 10:30. So much for my plan!


Main entrance, Kansai Gaidai University


"Multimedia Hall" where most of my day was spent. Alright, I admit that I was more interested in capturing that girl's awesome tattoo than anything else. And for the record, that's a man on the right.

I hurried back to the campus for a series of meetings and my language placement exam. I didn't know what to think about taking a test so soon after arriving here since my Japanese certainly gathered some rust over the summer. I guess I felt pretty good about it though, after all, I've been studying off and on for five years now.

Well you can forget it. The first portion of the exam was Listening Comprehension and I completely failed. There were 15 questions and I put down "I don't know" for ten of them. That's absurd. Anyone who ever complimented my Japanese was apparently full of shit. The written portions were a little better in that I at least demonstrated that I had been exposed to Japanese before but I still found myself confused by any questions beyond the most primitive level. Looks like I'll be spending my time with the beginners' class again.

Why am I so down about this? After all, it was only a placement exam, not an actual exam that will reflect on my grades. The simple fact is that I have never been a confident man. I have never felt good about my appearance, social skills, or even my intelligence. My sole comfort was knowing that I knew enough Japanese to find my way around. Today's exam demonstrated that by Japanese standards I am retarded. This is not the best attitude to have at the start of a semester.

After the nightmare exam ended, I hurried to the bank to try and exchange my currency. My Japanese was again put to the test when the bank staff asked me for my address and phone number here in Japan. I didn't know either of them. I tried in vain to offer an address of the university but the staff didn't want that. At least, I think they didn't want it because I couldn't understand one word of what they were saying to me.

I left the bank frustrated, confused and in a near panic. If the test this morning made me want to cry, the bank experience clinched it. I held it in of course and defeatedly returned to the campus to ask for help in the International Education office. They were very helpful, pointing out that my orientation materials actually contained all the information I needed. They also suggested I go to a different bank and told me I could take a bus there. I tried reading the material at the bus stop and immediately felt retarded again. Two passing students offered me some help but I figured the simplest solution was to just go back to the first bank and try again. This time, I succeeded and got a decent exchange rate to boot (109 Yen to the dollar).

With more meetings to go to I rushed back to campus and hit the cafeteria for lunch. The price was fair and the food was delicious but I have no idea if it was good for me or not. I fear my diet may quickly become history given that I can barely communicate with anyone. Until some breakthrough occurs, I think I'm just going to have to settle for anything I can point to on a menu.

This afternoon felt a little more productive than this morning. Money in hand, I successfully paid my fees so I can register for classes tomorrow. Of course, I drew such a lousy number (#326 out of 400+ students) there's no way any of my first choices will still be available. Any minute now they're supposed to post the housing assignments for the semester although we won't actually move in until Sunday. They said most people won't be changing rooms though so there's a chance I'm stuck with my current room (and roommate). I guess we'll have to have a talk about the snoring. I do so hate confrontations.

What's the moral of today? I am not special. I am not a beautiful or unique snowflake. I am the same decaying organic matter as everything else...

つづく... (Click here to read more)

It seems there is only one roommate for now, a Swedish man named Gustav. He woke me to tell me that I was snoring. Thanks for the update, asshole! I never managed to fall asleep again so I just started mulling about sometime after 6.

The toilets and shower room are separate, however, the laundry room and shower room are the same room. Everything is quasi-familiar yet totally different at the same time. What's worse, I'm still not sure how long I'm going to be in this building so I'm trying not to get used to things. I dare not unpack, not that I have any space to unpack into or anything, just a small closet that is currently blocked by my luggage.

Alright, this post was little more than a glorified test to see if I corrected the time zone on my blog. Hopefully the times will now better reflect when during the day I am awake and posting.

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So I made it. Feit...In. Guess I'll try to recap how I got here although I'm not sure where I am right now or what's going on.

Dad and I made it Newark in record time on Monday morning. I had no difficulties checking in and we even had time for a shitty breakfast in the airport. Since no one is allowed to even approach the gate without a ticket (so much for all those emotional greetings/partings we grew up with) Dad and I parted at the security checkpoint. Thankfully I didn't have much trouble getting through there although the stapler in my backpack caught somebody's attention. It seems I'm the first passenger to ever have a need to collate on vacation?

The flight sucked balls. We sat on the runway in Newark for well over a half hour despite no inclement weather at all. The pilot offered this explanation: "That's Newark, I guess." Thanks, Ace! I was seated in the last row in the corner and I found the entire flight to be very warm. We didn't get a meal, just a mysterious bag which was labeled "biscuits." I declined to investigate. I really fucking miss peanuts on planes. We landed in Chicago about a half hour late which means my connecting flight was already boarding when I checked in at the gate. Imagine my chagrin when I discovered I was sitting in 23F. That's in between 23E and 23G in case you haven't figured it out.

Naturally, the two passengers I was squeezed between all the way to Osaka were grown men of no conversational interest. In fact, the man on my right (the one between me and the aisle) was very large. Not especially tall or fat, just significantly both such that I couldn't help but bump into him a lot. Like the first flight, we sat on the runway for an eternity without explanation.

Once in the air I found myself unable to fall asleep for any worthwhile amount of time. The in-flight meals were tolerable but I've had much better. The entertainment was dreadful save for a lone highlight: Masquerade. Apparently this is a long-running Japanese television show which features a variety of costumed acts. I've seen clips of the show anonymously floating around the Internet, such as this talented woman or these ping pong players. Anyway, the show is completely engrossing and I would watch it religiously if it ever aired in the States. Unfortunately, on a thirteen hour flight the same half hour clip ran at least four or five times, so I was kind of sick of it by the time we landed.

When we did land at Kansai I was completely exhausted and ached all over. I went through immigration with ease (thank God) and I was met promptly by representatives from Kansai Gaidai. I was shuffled onto a bus with an assortment of other youths from the same flight. Nearly all of them were from the midwest, particularly Ohio, and very few of them had ever been to Japan before. I did my best to talk to some of them but eventually I just passed out.


Riding the bus. Walls around the highway restricted our view of the city.


Don't look at me. I have no idea what that is.

We ended up riding the bus for well over two hours before disembarking in a strange, dark parking lot that didn't appear to be near anything of interest. We all marched off the bus and blindly followed some KG volunteers who led us to the "Seminar Houses" for temporary accommodations during the orientation. I hadn't been to Japan in four years and I had forgotten what the streets were like. They are narrow, very narrow, and for some reason drivers don't seem to give a shit if you are in their way. Indeed, it seemed like the drivers were accelerating whenever we crossed in front of them.

After this mercifully short walk we made it to the Seminar Houses. The bus drivers helped deliver our suitcases and I spent a good deal of time fumbling about to get them inside. Funny how the young ladies in our group had to beat eager young men who wanted to help them away with a stick but I found no assistance at all getting all my bags into the lobby and then to the elevator.



You can see that the accommodations are very small and I seem to be sharing the space with two other people! That's not what bothers me though. I don't have a key to the room. I have no way of locking up anything yet I received a notice to "secure my belongings" because KG is not responsible for any thefts. My ass they're not!

In any case I didn't have any time to discuss it because a "shopping trip" was leaving in five minutes. We walked down a long, dark street guided by two volunteers. I'm not sure what we were shopping for exactly (since we were told that we couldn't cook in the Seminar Houses) so I just grabbed a tea and a seaweed salad at some nearby stores.


It's a 99 Yen store. Kind of like a 99 cent store only a little cheaper.


Hirakata city sewers have a touch of artistry on their manholes.

So when I came back I got into this computer lab and I figured I'd let everyone know I'm still alive. I should get to sleep though; I think I have a few hundred things to do tomorrow including register for classes and take a language placement exam! Here's hoping I don't get jetlagged and wake up too early or late. Naturally, I forgot to bring an alarm clock.

つづく... (Click here to read more)

It's late and I'm still packing but I couldn't leave New York, the United States or all my friends and family without a farewell post.

Today involved a lot of moving back and forth. My first stop was one last workout at the club. Despite not working out yesterday and eating and drinking too much over the last 48 hours, I dropped a little more weight. Final score for this summer: 213 pounds, a full 24 less than when the nutritionist first weighed me on June 28. I've still got a long way to go but I feel pretty good about what I've accomplished. I certainly didn't come close to the lofty goals I set for myself a month ago but I plan on keeping this up. I trust twenty pounds in nine months will prove an easier task!

After showering and a few phone calls I went up to my hometown to pick up my laptop from Ben and perform some last-minute installations of important software. Given that Ben is operating a wireless high-speed network in his house it was pretty painless. I just sat in his room and downloaded any files I needed off of the Internet. Of course, he had plenty of stuff for me on discs to use as well. Scott dropped in for a few minutes before I returned to the city. We all said our goodbyes although Scott will be on a flight to Japan on Tuesday so I'm sure I'll see him again very, very soon. Ben, on the other hand, not soon at all.

I made it home in time to have dinner with Hyde. In keeping with the idea that I should eat cuisine that will be hard to find in Japan, I had Mexican for dinner and a very nice spot at 62nd & 1st called Mañana. We had another long conversation that covered our religious backgrounds, the merits of blogging and various personal stories that I cannot share. It was a fairly long walk back to her place and as we drew closer I thanked Hyde for making this summer so great. I know that might confuse some of you but my thinking is this: meeting Hyde and falling in love with her was a wonderful experience to have. It's been a very long time since I felt liked I loved anyone and I didn't like having a hole like that in my life. Hyde may not love me in return but we are good friends and I plan on maintaining that relationship during this trip.

After I got home I got some last goodbyes over the phone from my mother and sister. I also called Mike's girlfriend Sarah who had been out of the country for a few months up until last weekend. I wanted to talk to her before I left the country myself. She was very encouraging and I enjoyed hearing her kind words. Sarah, if you read this, please feel free to leave comments now that you're back home! It'll go a long way to keeping me focused on my trip.

I probably won't get much sleep tonight but I've got plenty of time for that on the flight tomorrow so no big deal. I just wanted to tell everyone that this summer was terrific. Of course, it wasn't at all what I expected it would be but it ended up being better than I could have hoped. Seriously, which would you rather have: a summer of working a shitty part-time job and eating alone or my summer of first dates, high adventures and genuine love? My ride may have been a little rocky at times but I can't imagine trading it for anything. OK, maybe the weather could have been nicer but that's out of my hands.

The bottom line? This is not the end. This is a beginning.

Feit...out!

つづく... (Click here to read more)

I don't have much time today but I wanted to type something this morning before I forget. Last night, I actually had a dream about me and Hyde. I can't remember many details but I was in a coffee shop and I think I was working there. The boss bore an uncanny resemblance to my former Postmaster. I guess, in dreams, we fill out the cast with random images rather than create new faces. Anyway, he told me that my friend Hyde was singing with "her boyfriend" the day before and he thought it was "good for business." Hyde then came into the shop with this other, nameless fellow. The three of us ended up sitting down together.

Who was this man? What happened next? I'm sorry, I've already forgotten the rest. I'll post before I leave tomorrow, I promise!

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