a history of me

First off, let me just say how exciting things have been here at the blog lately. I've been getting lots of feedback which is a real thrill. Most days I don't expect anyone but Hyde or my sister to read this thing but now it seems like there's an actual following! Maybe a declaration of love just gets everyone worked up and eager to comment?

Speaking of love, I'm leaving shortly for Westchester so we can leave for this wedding early tomorrow. So I won't post again until Sunday, perhaps even Monday.

In the meantime, I've received some disappointing news. Kansai Gaidai has informed me that they were unable to find me a host family for the Fall semester. Apparently there was a unexpected shortage of available hosts, allowing placement for only 80% of those who applied. This means I'll have to stay in a dormitory, probably with a native English-speaking roommate. It also means I have to prepare my own meals. Basically, my expectations have just been dashed to pieces.

Of course, there is room for optimism. The University told me they will continue to search for hosts, even during the semester, so I could find myself getting placed at a later date. Staying in the dorm might also mean a shorter commute; I've been told some homestay students might be staying more than an hour and a half away from campus. And preparing my own meals might make it easier to watch my weight. Quick, what's the Japanese word for "oatmeal?" Probably just ôtomîru.

The biggest reason not to be pissed is that my expectations are rarely an accurate forecast of future events in the first place. I had specific ideas about my first trip to Japan four years ago which absolutely did not come to fruition, but the time I spent there was an incredibly satisfying, life-perspective changing and highly emotionally rewarding event. This trip may not go down as I thought but it could easily turn out to be a pleasant surprise instead of an unpleasant circumstance.

And what of Hyde, you ask? We has lunch this afternoon. Her Internet connection is down so she was working on her laptop in a nearby diner, "borrowing" some free wireless service. It was quite pleasant; we both had salad since we're both concerned about our weight. I told her about the homestay thing and she cheered me up with a story of her trip to Russia. She ended up with English-speaking roomies but it didn't take away from the immersive Russian experience. Interestingly enough, she's going away for the weekend herself and then next week she's going to a friend's wedding. It's funny how similar our summers have been.

We made no mention of our conversation on Wednesday which I feel is a good thing. She mentioned it on her blog (which is good because I'd rather she acknowledge it than not) but I'm glad we didn't talk about it because I don't want our friendship to turn into some kind of debate about my feelings for her. She knows and I'm happy this way. I was starting to feel anxious about telling her and it was making me nervous around her (note the "something else on my mind" comment last week). Now that it's out there I can relax.

Well, I gotta go. I haven't even packed yet. Catch you next week, I'll be sure to share any pictures I can find. Feit...out!

つづく... (Click here to read more)

*sigh* The party was no fun at all. It was twice as noisy as last time and the Americans outnumbered the Japanese two to one. Plus, it seemed like all of the Americans there spoke very loudly and I felt like I couldn't get a word in edgewise. That, or they were super-flirty and made me nauseous. I found myself in that funk I get in when I feel intimidated or uncomfortable in social situations. At one point a cute (drunk) girl actually asked me to dance and I passed. Can you believe my nerve?

The highlights of the evening? Getting a $10 haircut on First Ave and spotting actors Michael Tucker and Jill Eikenberry. They're married, BTW, and I remember them from L.A. Law.

After the party ended I just had to eat something. I didn't want to get drunk (although I did have one glass of red wine) or eat the "wrong" things so I just went and ate a bunch of yakitori over at Oh! Taisho (the "sister" restaurant to Yakitori Taisho). Then I came home and started typing.

I'm just not doing so well right now. It feels like it's been a long week of ups and downs. It also seems like everywhere I look I see happy couples, arm in arm or tongue-in-tongue. And now I'm going to a wedding?!? Christ, I need a drink...

つづく... (Click here to read more)

I dropped off a bunch of laundry today at a nearby cleaners. Dad uses this place a lot because it's very close to home. When I gave the lady my name and address, she looked at me and said,

"Oh, I know him. Is that your brother?"

That's a nice compliment for Dad but not so nice for me. And longtime readers might even remember that this has happened before.

I'm going out to another "Language Exchange" party tonight at the same location as the last one. Since I drank a lot last night, I'm going to try and exercise some better control tonight. Of course, if another afterparty develops I don't know if I can resist. At least I know I won't each too much; this restaurant serves lots of veggies in very small portions.

つづく... (Click here to read more)

If you haven't already, you should probably listen to the audiopost I made earlier.

So I returned to Manhattan feeling bad about everything. What should have been a fun CL adventure turned out to be a colossal waste of time, and it was entirely my fault to boot. So I was pissed off at the world and I decided I needed to unwind, chemically speaking. Feeling lonely and in need of a friend, I called Hyde. She agreed to meet me at her favorite bar at 8:15.

I had some time to kill in the meantime and I was hungry and angry. I didn't care much about my dietary restrictions but at the same time I wasn't about to collapse and get some fast food either. My middle ground turned out to be a big ol' burrito. I considered eating at Taco Bell but even in my foul mood I knew that was a bad idea for many reasons. I opted instead for Burritoville, a local chain that is fresher and better than the corporate Taco Bell anyday.

Having consumed my "forbidden" burrito, I proceeded to Hyde's favorite bar where she was already waiting. They have TV there so I was able to watch the remainder of the Yankee game while we drank. I managed to restrict myself to "lite" beers which I suppose is better than regular beer, if only slightly. We had a lot of fun, irregardless of my dietary violations. Indeed, my mood was vastly improved by the time I finished my first drink.

Eventually her neighbor NDN showed up and we were all joking around. He refused to drink anything with us but we were chatting about various topics. Then a conflict arose. Hyde started to get messages from this guy (she calls him "Narc") and she decided she was going to see him. All of a sudden, NDN moved over and took Hyde's drink away, pouring it out behind the bar. Of course, this pissed off the bartender who told NDN to leave. I'm probably oversimplifying this but hey, I was pretty tipsy.

Hyde and I paid our tabs and we went up to her place (which is around the corner from her favorite bar). NDN was up there and the three of us spoke a little bit while Hyde got herself ready to go out and meet Narc. It was very surreal to have a conversation with a woman while she "prepared" herself inside her bathroom. Whatever she did, it didn't take long and I had a moment with her alone before she left. Feeling courageous (thanks, booze!) I decided to try and explain to her how much I cared about her BUT I made no attempt to talk her out of seeing Narc. I just want her to be happy and I felt happy having told her that I loved* her.

Hyde went off to have fun and I walked home. Not ready to settle in just yet, I stopped in at Ariyoshi for some edamame. I came home around 1:30 and started blogging. Maybe I'm still a little tipsy but I feel a lot better about how tonight turned out. I just hope Hyde feels the same way.

*this word can mean a lot of different things to different people. I think I was able to explain how I felt to Hyde but I don't want any readers to jump to conclusions. I wasn't trying to seduce Hyde or anything; I'm leaving the country in less than a month and I'm not her type anyway.

つづく... (Click here to read more)

つづく... (Click here to read more)

I got kind of a late start today after last night's excitement. I found myself rushing a little during my workout in order to meet my nutritionist for a follow-up (and probably final) appointment. I had debating skipping the meeting since I'm doing so well and, more importantly, I'm practically broke. However, I kind of missed her cut-off for canceling so I figured it couldn't hurt to thank her in person for her help.

I showed up and talked to her about my progress. She was very impressed with my diligence and creativity. I thought she'd get on me for the occasional "cheating" and my tendency to only eat two meals a day (she had been adamant about eating three). However, she couldn't get over how well I was doing. At my suggestion, she weighed me. I've lost seventeen pounds since my first appointment four weeks ago and only two weeks of that featured regular exercise. She didn't really give me any new ideas or advice so the visit was kind of a rip-off. Whatever, I never need to go back now that I now how to take care of myself.

I've got about four weeks to go before I leave so my goal (and I may regret this) is to lose twenty more pounds during that time. That would put me at the same weight I was in high school. Unfortunately, I was overweight then too, but at this point all I can do is dream of being less so. But who knows? Maybe a little work during my trip to Japan, I might actually resemble a normal human being when I come back.

つづく... (Click here to read more)

I didn't do anything of note yesterday, not until after midnight. That's when Hyde contacted me and invited me out to her favorite bar for a few drinks. Given the choice between spending time with a friend and watching ATHF, I'll always choose friends.

I met her down at her bar. She had been drinking for a while as I paced myself. I stuck to red wine at first but when she started to drink shots of Stoli Vanil I had a few too. I didn't realize it, but I got pretty tipsy. It wasn't until I got up and went to the bathroom when I realized I had drunk enough for the evening.

Speaking of that, while I was in the bathroom a weird thing happened. This guy came in after me, some oddball from California or something. While I was peeing, he turned out the lights! What's up with that?

Anyway, her favorite bar closed up sometime after one A.M. Since Hyde didn't want to stop, I escorted her to her second favorite bar. I even ordered a double round of drinks, knowing full well she would drink them and I wouldn't. I just drank water because I was definitely done for the evening.

At some point, Hyde became despondent. I think it was after she tried to call this guy she's been involved with and he didn't call her back. Whatever her reasons, she didn't want to talk about, she just started saying "I want to go home." I got the check and escorted her out, making sure to grab her purse and cellphone on the way out.

The walk to her home was short but she wasn't alright. She had too much and she was staggering. I held onto her as closely as possible to get her home, even though she fought me at times, insisting she didn't need any help. When we got to her building, she tried to push me away but I insisted on taking her up to her apartment.

Once inside, she threw her stuff onto the floor (literally) and crashed onto her couch. I tried to get her stuff: water, a blanket, anything, but she refused. She maintained that she was fine and she told me to go, pushing me at times towards the door. When I hugged her goodbye, she started kissing my neck but then reverted and told me to leave. She almost seemed angry.

What more could I do? I stepped outside and she closed the door. I tried calling her, she didn't answer. I sent her two messages to see if she was OK, she replied with an angry "Yes!!!" message. Still, I waited by her door until I heard her stop moving. I just couldn't leave until I had some assurance that she was down for the evening.

I walked home, unsure of my conduct. Had I done something wrong? Should I have gotten her drinks at the second bar? Was I wrong to insist that I escort her home? Was I wrong to leave her alone in the state she was in? So help me, I don't know. When she started kissing my neck, it felt so wonderful. I couldn't take advantage of her intoxication though; that would be fucked up. But her "affection" turned "angry" so quickly...dammit, I just hope she's alright. That's why I'm posting now instead of sleeping it off; I want to record me mood at this moment.

Please, Hyde, tell me what to think.

つづく... (Click here to read more)

つづく... (Click here to read more)

Wow, last night was pretty huge.

First off, I had dinner with Dad and an old friend of his at "East" on 44th St. It's one of a series of Japanese restaurants around town, this one apparently specializing in yakitori so that's what I ate. Dad wanted some too so we ordered a 20-skewer おまかせ ("chef's choice") set. It was delicious, especially the mushrooms.

After dinner I went straight out to Brooklyn to Mike's house for a big party. In theory, the party was a multi-purpose celebration; two of my friends had birthdays recently, I'm going to Japan in less than a month and Mike's band (Force Theory) just finished their demo CD/press kit. In reality, it was just a huge gathering of people, many of whom I had never met before. At one point I had considered trying to sing a song (as I did at Mike's New Year's party) but there was some disagreement over my choice as well as logistical problems obtaining the instrumental track needed to sing over. It was for the best, I think, because in order for me to get up and sing in front of people like that I need a lot of booze in my system first. Besides, without worrying about the music we were able to just relax on Mike's roof most of the party.

The big story of the evening, however, was Hyde coming to the party! We had discussed it earlier in the week and then she showed up, along with her neighbor "NDN." Unfortunately, they didn't stay long because Hyde had a lot to do today and it's a long trip from Midtown to Ft. Greene. However, she did stick around long enough to meet all of my friends at the party which meant a lot to me.

The biggest surprise, however, was the gift I received from Kate, younger sister of my friend Ben. Growing up in a small town, it feels like everyone knows everyone else. My family and Ben's family became very close in that Ben and I are good friends, Kate and my sister Salena are good friends, our mothers were pretty close as well and basically we all knew each other and frequently spent time together. So when Kate heard that the party was (in part) a send off for me to go to Japan, she gave me a present! I had no idea she would do this so I was really surprised! She gave me The Superior Person's Third Book of Well-Bred Words by Peter Bowler. It's a collection of obscure, fascinating words (the third such collection, in fact). She gave it to me because she knows I appreciate vocabulary words and she figured I'd need something to read on that long plane ride to Japan. I was very grateful and thanked her profusely.

The party went straight through to dawn. I nodded off at one point but woke up in time to catch the last few minutes of fun. Mike was showing Ben, Kate and I some of the video projects he's been working on, much of it intended to be included in a DVD to promote his band. He's been working a lot with video footage from their past performances (some of which I'm proud to say that I filmed) as well as material collected from the internet and some original footage of Mike "floating" down the street. It's all pretty damn cool looking. I'm always impressed with the stuff Mike produces, music or otherwise.

I made it home around 7 and got a decent amount of sleep. Dad and I had brunch this afternoon at the local diner but I opted for something a little different. Instead of another omelette, I ordered a big Greek salad with grilled chicken. It was ginormous, so huge and filling that I was actually tired when I finished eating. I definitely wanted a salad to make up for all that drinking I did last night. Somehow, I know they cancel each other out.

Well, I'm off to work out now. No major events this week until Saturday, when it's Wedding Time!

つづく... (Click here to read more)