Saturday, October 01, 2005
Rebound and Reflection
Gonna be a long one today, I think. There's more to say about yesterday and I had quite a busy evening last night followed by a busy day today! And it's only dinnertime!
OK, not that much more about yesterday. I just wanted to mention what an interesting Justice class I had. The professor (a former prosecutor and all around cool mother fucker) was explaining the role that politics can play in criminal justice if prosecutors are elected by the public. As an example, he gave a really interesting lecture about the O.J. Simpson trial. This also provoked some really unexpected questions from some foreign students who were unfamiliar with the trial. It was refreshing to hear someone who had no idea who O.J. was ask how he managed to get away with murder. I've always believed O.J. did it but I never really understood why the jury didn't see it that way. My professor's analysis helped answer that question and it turns out politics played a big part in the prosecution's failure to get a conviction despite all that evidence.
I rushed from school to Osaka for a social encounter that didn't go very well. I came home around seven and quickly blogged it before heading off to a party in a nearby park organized by some students here in my dormitory. Even though I had a speech to write I didn't want to spend the whole night writing it and miss out on another opportunity to get to know my fellow students. Indeed, with the awkwardness of my earlier meeting fresh in my head I was eager to try and erase that feeling by speaking to people in English for a change.
The party started around 9. With no legal obstacles, we were free to drink, smoke and hang out in the park. The initial crowd was only about fifteen people but as the night progressed that number more than tripled. I was conscious of my speech so I only had two beers, albeit tall ones. I tried to avoid the junk food but when there's a Domino's Pizza with potato and an unknown meat on it just sitting there, it's hard to resist trying a slice or two. Plus, some girls were eating dried squid and offered me a taste although I doubt that really counts as "junk food."
There were a few moments where I found myself sitting alone and feeling tired but I resisted the temptation to leave early. I finished my beers and did my best to be sociable, which I think went pretty well. Indeed, when I finally decided it was time to leave around 11:30 I had to actually excuse myself from talking to a few people. I was kicking myself for walking out on a party like this but I couldn't ignore my commitments. I hope they understood I was seriously busy and not trying to make an excuse to leave, because they were cute.
Back in the dorm I spent about two hours writing my speech. I was a little tipsy and I'm not sure if that helped or hurt my ability to talk about myself. I was surprised that when I finally turned in, I hadn't seen many people return from the party yet. I wonder how late they stayed up? Did I really squander a chance for fun to write something I didn't even want to do? I went to bed feeling frustrated.
This morning I was up early to meet Megan at Makino Station so we could go to Fushimi Inari. Knowing that I had a speech to deliver on campus at 1PM I really should have postponed our trip but we were going to be meeting up with other students and taking a tour of the grounds. Plus I didn't want this speech to interfere with my socializing any more than it already had and this shrine was one of the places I had picked out early on as a sight to see.
The other students somehow never materialized and we weren't sure why. Megan was sure it was the right date but she wasn't sure if we were supposed to meet them at the shrine or at the station. Since we were already at the shrine and my time was somewhat limited, I proposed we just give ourselves a tour and forget about the others. It wasn't like they had tickets or something we needed to get in. So we went in and checked things out. You can see my pictures here. Megan's pictures, a few of which feature me, can be seen here.
We left together around noon on the same train, parting ways at Kuzuha where she went to check out the mall (I had already seen it anyway) and I continued down the line towards school. I arrived around 12:45, a little sweaty and out of breath. The perfect state in which to deliver a speech! Thankfully I had a few minutes to compose myself and review what I had written. The audience was mostly Japanese students and all of the other speakers were anxious which reduced some of the overall tension for me.
I was the fourth of fifth speakers and I wasn't the only person to use English, although I did introduce myself in Japanese prior to giving my speech. I spoke slowly and clearly and I think most everyone got the gist of my remarks. A couple people later told me it was "very good" which I appreciated even if they might have been merely showing me tatemae. For my efforts, I received a small token of thanks: a pair of chopsticks cheerfully wrapped in paper. If you want to read it, my speech is available in the essay section.
Once the speeches were finished we all hung around for an hour or so socializing over snacks and tea. I hadn't eaten any lunch yet so I was a little eager to dig into the finger food, especially since it all looked so unfamiliar. I think I stopped short of making a pig of myself and I had a few fun conversations with some new people, especially one girl who ended up talking to me a lot about the difference between American and Japanese holidays. Did I ask for her number? Of course!
I tried to eat an honest meal but being Saturday, neither school cafeteria was serving anything good. All I wanted was some protein, frankly, not a whole bowl of rice or curry. I tried checking out the convenience store on campus but it was all breads and odd-looking sandwiches. I ran into a couple other students in there whose names I did not know but we recognized each other from class and had a brief exchange about our days. Eventually I came back to the dorm and ate an egg.
That last paragraph might seem superfluous at first but I mention it for a reason. Ever since I've arrived here I've been overly anxious about getting out there to meet people. I've gone out of my way to converse with people over the Internet and arrange meetings with them, even when it felt forced. The events of today and last night really showed me something: I need to stop pushing myself. It's not that I can't handle the added socializing, it's that I'm simply trying to hard.
Effective immediately, I'm indefinitely postponing all Internet attempts to try and meet new people. I'm not going to drop any of the conversations I have in place or back away from any invitations that may arise, but I'm going to stop trying to initiate new meetings via cyberspace. I've got to focus more attention on the regular people I meet everyday. The Internet is a handy way to "get to know" someone but the environment is completely artificial. You could have a great time via e-mail but until you meet someone face to face you have no idea who they are and whether or not you can truly get along.
Initially, I was using the Internet to meet people because I felt like I was too shy or too fat or too ugly to meet them in person. I convinced myself that only my raw intellect was capable of introducing myself because my body wasn't up to the task. I've had enough positive experiences lately to know that my fears are unjustified. I can meet people face to face; indeed, I'm doing it all the time. People are taking notice of me around campus or in class and it's giving them a favorable impression of me. I'm not the creepy guy moping around campus I was back in high school or even at UAlbany. I'm finally able to see that now.
OK, not that much more about yesterday. I just wanted to mention what an interesting Justice class I had. The professor (a former prosecutor and all around cool mother fucker) was explaining the role that politics can play in criminal justice if prosecutors are elected by the public. As an example, he gave a really interesting lecture about the O.J. Simpson trial. This also provoked some really unexpected questions from some foreign students who were unfamiliar with the trial. It was refreshing to hear someone who had no idea who O.J. was ask how he managed to get away with murder. I've always believed O.J. did it but I never really understood why the jury didn't see it that way. My professor's analysis helped answer that question and it turns out politics played a big part in the prosecution's failure to get a conviction despite all that evidence.
I rushed from school to Osaka for a social encounter that didn't go very well. I came home around seven and quickly blogged it before heading off to a party in a nearby park organized by some students here in my dormitory. Even though I had a speech to write I didn't want to spend the whole night writing it and miss out on another opportunity to get to know my fellow students. Indeed, with the awkwardness of my earlier meeting fresh in my head I was eager to try and erase that feeling by speaking to people in English for a change.
The party started around 9. With no legal obstacles, we were free to drink, smoke and hang out in the park. The initial crowd was only about fifteen people but as the night progressed that number more than tripled. I was conscious of my speech so I only had two beers, albeit tall ones. I tried to avoid the junk food but when there's a Domino's Pizza with potato and an unknown meat on it just sitting there, it's hard to resist trying a slice or two. Plus, some girls were eating dried squid and offered me a taste although I doubt that really counts as "junk food."
There were a few moments where I found myself sitting alone and feeling tired but I resisted the temptation to leave early. I finished my beers and did my best to be sociable, which I think went pretty well. Indeed, when I finally decided it was time to leave around 11:30 I had to actually excuse myself from talking to a few people. I was kicking myself for walking out on a party like this but I couldn't ignore my commitments. I hope they understood I was seriously busy and not trying to make an excuse to leave, because they were cute.
Back in the dorm I spent about two hours writing my speech. I was a little tipsy and I'm not sure if that helped or hurt my ability to talk about myself. I was surprised that when I finally turned in, I hadn't seen many people return from the party yet. I wonder how late they stayed up? Did I really squander a chance for fun to write something I didn't even want to do? I went to bed feeling frustrated.
This morning I was up early to meet Megan at Makino Station so we could go to Fushimi Inari. Knowing that I had a speech to deliver on campus at 1PM I really should have postponed our trip but we were going to be meeting up with other students and taking a tour of the grounds. Plus I didn't want this speech to interfere with my socializing any more than it already had and this shrine was one of the places I had picked out early on as a sight to see.
The other students somehow never materialized and we weren't sure why. Megan was sure it was the right date but she wasn't sure if we were supposed to meet them at the shrine or at the station. Since we were already at the shrine and my time was somewhat limited, I proposed we just give ourselves a tour and forget about the others. It wasn't like they had tickets or something we needed to get in. So we went in and checked things out. You can see my pictures here. Megan's pictures, a few of which feature me, can be seen here.
We left together around noon on the same train, parting ways at Kuzuha where she went to check out the mall (I had already seen it anyway) and I continued down the line towards school. I arrived around 12:45, a little sweaty and out of breath. The perfect state in which to deliver a speech! Thankfully I had a few minutes to compose myself and review what I had written. The audience was mostly Japanese students and all of the other speakers were anxious which reduced some of the overall tension for me.
I was the fourth of fifth speakers and I wasn't the only person to use English, although I did introduce myself in Japanese prior to giving my speech. I spoke slowly and clearly and I think most everyone got the gist of my remarks. A couple people later told me it was "very good" which I appreciated even if they might have been merely showing me tatemae. For my efforts, I received a small token of thanks: a pair of chopsticks cheerfully wrapped in paper. If you want to read it, my speech is available in the essay section.
Once the speeches were finished we all hung around for an hour or so socializing over snacks and tea. I hadn't eaten any lunch yet so I was a little eager to dig into the finger food, especially since it all looked so unfamiliar. I think I stopped short of making a pig of myself and I had a few fun conversations with some new people, especially one girl who ended up talking to me a lot about the difference between American and Japanese holidays. Did I ask for her number? Of course!
I tried to eat an honest meal but being Saturday, neither school cafeteria was serving anything good. All I wanted was some protein, frankly, not a whole bowl of rice or curry. I tried checking out the convenience store on campus but it was all breads and odd-looking sandwiches. I ran into a couple other students in there whose names I did not know but we recognized each other from class and had a brief exchange about our days. Eventually I came back to the dorm and ate an egg.
That last paragraph might seem superfluous at first but I mention it for a reason. Ever since I've arrived here I've been overly anxious about getting out there to meet people. I've gone out of my way to converse with people over the Internet and arrange meetings with them, even when it felt forced. The events of today and last night really showed me something: I need to stop pushing myself. It's not that I can't handle the added socializing, it's that I'm simply trying to hard.
Effective immediately, I'm indefinitely postponing all Internet attempts to try and meet new people. I'm not going to drop any of the conversations I have in place or back away from any invitations that may arise, but I'm going to stop trying to initiate new meetings via cyberspace. I've got to focus more attention on the regular people I meet everyday. The Internet is a handy way to "get to know" someone but the environment is completely artificial. You could have a great time via e-mail but until you meet someone face to face you have no idea who they are and whether or not you can truly get along.
Initially, I was using the Internet to meet people because I felt like I was too shy or too fat or too ugly to meet them in person. I convinced myself that only my raw intellect was capable of introducing myself because my body wasn't up to the task. I've had enough positive experiences lately to know that my fears are unjustified. I can meet people face to face; indeed, I'm doing it all the time. People are taking notice of me around campus or in class and it's giving them a favorable impression of me. I'm not the creepy guy moping around campus I was back in high school or even at UAlbany. I'm finally able to see that now.
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