Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Pointless
Today I got my other midterm back, scored nearly 98%. Ironically, the largest error was in my pronunciation of the unwritten pitch accents which Japanese uses but I have never, ever studied. Part of me is upset that I lost points for something I have no means to understand but on the other hand, I got nearly 98 fucking percent.
My day was dominated by one purely irrational thought: why hadn't Mako e-mailed me back? We're discussing getting together on Sunday and I had asked her what time would be good. All day, I was waiting for her reply and I was getting more and more nervous. Eventually, I e-mailed her again, this time re-phrasing my question as part of a larger suggestion as to precisely where to meet. Again, every minute she didn't write back caused me undo stress.
Why the hell do I put myself through this baseless paranoia? I know I've been burned by other people before so maybe I'm a little over-sensitive to the prospect of it happening again, but it's like if I call/e-mail someone and they don't respond promptly my mind races to the conclusion that I am being silently rejected. I know it's absurd but it feels like I'm helpless to make these assumptions and it can really drive me a little crazy.
It's all good of course, she eventually e-mailed me back and everything is good to go. She's just really goddamn busy on weekdays. I know this yet I still imagined torturous scenarios. UGH, I wonder how much positive conditioning it will take before I accept the fact that not everyone is looking to ditch me.
My day was dominated by one purely irrational thought: why hadn't Mako e-mailed me back? We're discussing getting together on Sunday and I had asked her what time would be good. All day, I was waiting for her reply and I was getting more and more nervous. Eventually, I e-mailed her again, this time re-phrasing my question as part of a larger suggestion as to precisely where to meet. Again, every minute she didn't write back caused me undo stress.
Why the hell do I put myself through this baseless paranoia? I know I've been burned by other people before so maybe I'm a little over-sensitive to the prospect of it happening again, but it's like if I call/e-mail someone and they don't respond promptly my mind races to the conclusion that I am being silently rejected. I know it's absurd but it feels like I'm helpless to make these assumptions and it can really drive me a little crazy.
It's all good of course, she eventually e-mailed me back and everything is good to go. She's just really goddamn busy on weekdays. I know this yet I still imagined torturous scenarios. UGH, I wonder how much positive conditioning it will take before I accept the fact that not everyone is looking to ditch me.
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Nice on the 98%.
You have been burned before and it is early in the relationship so it is understandable that you would be a bit sensitive. But you are right to recognize that you need more confidence. People in general are also attracted to confidence -- too much self doubt can put others ill-at-ease. Like you said, it's probably a question of time.
You have been burned before and it is early in the relationship so it is understandable that you would be a bit sensitive. But you are right to recognize that you need more confidence. People in general are also attracted to confidence -- too much self doubt can put others ill-at-ease. Like you said, it's probably a question of time.
Hey Dan,
First of all, I'm glad that everything is going so well! Mako sounds like a really sweet girl.
Not that I'm in the best position to offer "love advice," (given my own struggles with the matter) but I think you should try your best to take it easy and take it down a notch in terms of your feelings. Hammer once put it to me in a way that made a lot of sense-- a relationship shouldn't become the center of your life, but rather should stay on the periphery-- it's part of your life, but not the entire focus. Once you let it become central, it will torture you (with things like waiting for a call back) and the relationship will probably start to get weird too. (Trust me, I know about that one). You have SO MUCH going on right now besides Mako that's good and interesting and amazing-- school, learning about Japanese culture, other friends, etc. Mako sounds great and she's one of those things, but don't get ahead of yourself with love. You'll be happier and more successful in the long run if you can play it cool.
That said, congrats again. :)
Sorry this comment got so long!
-h
First of all, I'm glad that everything is going so well! Mako sounds like a really sweet girl.
Not that I'm in the best position to offer "love advice," (given my own struggles with the matter) but I think you should try your best to take it easy and take it down a notch in terms of your feelings. Hammer once put it to me in a way that made a lot of sense-- a relationship shouldn't become the center of your life, but rather should stay on the periphery-- it's part of your life, but not the entire focus. Once you let it become central, it will torture you (with things like waiting for a call back) and the relationship will probably start to get weird too. (Trust me, I know about that one). You have SO MUCH going on right now besides Mako that's good and interesting and amazing-- school, learning about Japanese culture, other friends, etc. Mako sounds great and she's one of those things, but don't get ahead of yourself with love. You'll be happier and more successful in the long run if you can play it cool.
That said, congrats again. :)
Sorry this comment got so long!
-h
Salena: The more I learn from my mistakes, the more I come to realize that the confidence thing is integral to every aspect of my life. Like most of my problems, it's improving but I have a long way to go.
Hyde: That's good advice too, and I'll do my best to heed it. I think a lot of the over-enthusiasm is directly connected to the horribly long gap between now and the last serious relationship I had. As I come accept "dating" as a norm, I hope that I will be able to relax and keep everything in perspective. BTW, you never need to apologize about the length of your comments. The more feedback, the better!
コメントがあります？ Type something, please. It's less work for me.Hyde: That's good advice too, and I'll do my best to heed it. I think a lot of the over-enthusiasm is directly connected to the horribly long gap between now and the last serious relationship I had. As I come accept "dating" as a norm, I hope that I will be able to relax and keep everything in perspective. BTW, you never need to apologize about the length of your comments. The more feedback, the better!
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