Monday, October 03, 2005
Frustration
I've got frustration on my mind today, thought I'd blog about it.
I get frustrated often and it's really quite irritating. When frustration hits, I seldom know what to do or how to let it go. It consumes me, makes me feel angry and upset and it usually surfaces at unremarkable times. Where does it come from? Why can't I shake it when I feel this way? Is this learned or genetic? Does everyone get this upset over little things, and if so, does it linger for hours on end?
The way I see it, 99% of my problems relate to my feelings of frustration. It compounds normal feelings like loneliness and makes me upset when I should not be. Frustration leads me to helplessness and as I mentioned a few weeks ago, helplessness drives me crazy. A few examples of situations that bother me for no good reason:
I started thinking about this matter after this afternoon's shodô practice. I had felt pretty good about my work last Thursday but today I found myself failing to paint [is that the verb I want to use here?] anything graceful at all. Everything looked horribly ugly to me and I felt like each stroke was worse than the last. To make things worse, I simply can't stand sitting on the fucking floor. I don't know if it's my weight or poor circulation but if I sit on the floor for ten minutes in any position (nevermind the "correct" seiza position which hurts like hell) my feet, legs and sometimes testicles fall asleep. I am the only person in the room who seems to have a problem with this and I'm never the only foreigner present at our meetings (though I am, by far, the heaviest).
When one of the Japanese students asked me what was wrong (I can only imagine the look I had on my face at the time), I tried to explain but I couldn't. Now I was double, perhaps triple-frustrated at my situation. All I could manage to explain was that "I was in a bad mood." She suggested that if I was in a bad mood I didn't have to paint anything; instead, I should wait until I am in a good mood and then paint "beautiful things." The last thing I wanted to do was leave but I didn't know how else to relieve the mental anguish that was running rampant in my brain. I also realized that when I practiced shodô last week I was in a particularly fantastic mood so maybe she was really onto something. Of course, the inability to properly paint is what led to my bad mood, so I'm not sure I'll ever improve if I can't paint when in a bad mood.
So what's the answer? How do I relax? What do you do when you feel like everything is wrong? It's funny, just today I got a package from my mom that included Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...and it's all small stuff. I didn't ask her for it, she just thought it might be useful to me. Maybe it will be.
I get frustrated often and it's really quite irritating. When frustration hits, I seldom know what to do or how to let it go. It consumes me, makes me feel angry and upset and it usually surfaces at unremarkable times. Where does it come from? Why can't I shake it when I feel this way? Is this learned or genetic? Does everyone get this upset over little things, and if so, does it linger for hours on end?
The way I see it, 99% of my problems relate to my feelings of frustration. It compounds normal feelings like loneliness and makes me upset when I should not be. Frustration leads me to helplessness and as I mentioned a few weeks ago, helplessness drives me crazy. A few examples of situations that bother me for no good reason:
- When I see the cool looking guys snuggling with their Japanese girlfriends in the dorm lounge (these guys arrived at the same time I did, by the way).
- When a teacher asks me a question in Japanese and I can't understand it despite their clear speech and occasional hints.
- Similarly, when I have an urgent question that the teacher can't understand because I don't speak enough Japanese to properly ask it.
- Knowing that despite all the weight that I've lost I still have another 20-40 pounds to go before I'm "normal."
- Realizing that lots of people still see me as just another fat guy because they can't see how far I've come (hell, sometimes I can't see it myself).
I started thinking about this matter after this afternoon's shodô practice. I had felt pretty good about my work last Thursday but today I found myself failing to paint [is that the verb I want to use here?] anything graceful at all. Everything looked horribly ugly to me and I felt like each stroke was worse than the last. To make things worse, I simply can't stand sitting on the fucking floor. I don't know if it's my weight or poor circulation but if I sit on the floor for ten minutes in any position (nevermind the "correct" seiza position which hurts like hell) my feet, legs and sometimes testicles fall asleep. I am the only person in the room who seems to have a problem with this and I'm never the only foreigner present at our meetings (though I am, by far, the heaviest).
When one of the Japanese students asked me what was wrong (I can only imagine the look I had on my face at the time), I tried to explain but I couldn't. Now I was double, perhaps triple-frustrated at my situation. All I could manage to explain was that "I was in a bad mood." She suggested that if I was in a bad mood I didn't have to paint anything; instead, I should wait until I am in a good mood and then paint "beautiful things." The last thing I wanted to do was leave but I didn't know how else to relieve the mental anguish that was running rampant in my brain. I also realized that when I practiced shodô last week I was in a particularly fantastic mood so maybe she was really onto something. Of course, the inability to properly paint is what led to my bad mood, so I'm not sure I'll ever improve if I can't paint when in a bad mood.
So what's the answer? How do I relax? What do you do when you feel like everything is wrong? It's funny, just today I got a package from my mom that included Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...and it's all small stuff. I didn't ask her for it, she just thought it might be useful to me. Maybe it will be.
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Sometimes I also feel like it's a struggle to stay happy. Life can easily become boring, annoying, stressful or frustrating and sometimes it takes work to enjoy yourself and and chill out. Just don't forget that you aren't the only one. I mean, why do you think that 'small stuff' book exists? Have you ever seen a self-help section at the book store? There are so many books like that one out there. Fortunes are made from these types of books. Maybe you should make an effort to recognize when these moments of frustration start to snowball into something that really disrupts your day. If you feel yourself getting carried away, be ready with something positive to counteract it. Write down some good things that you might need to be reminded of. How about a relaxation technique like meditation?
Let us know how the book is
Let us know how the book is
Probably the most important way to improve your life is by having a positive attitude-don't be your worse enemy by thinking less of yourself.
A healthy attitude radiates; people around you feel it, and it inspires. When you're genki, it's contagious. Granted it's easier for some people to naturally have this than others, but, you can do it.
Also, experiencing all the difficulites of being in a counry with a culture as different as Japan will exacerbate any ill feelings you may have inside.
Most of the better girls I've dated I met when I was just happy, and I wasn't needy. Mental conditioning is important-even when you're down-don't let it absorb you.
It may be easier for some guys to snag broads-but, that's their life-not yours, so don't compare. That's the human temptation. And, if you can master your emotions in various situations-then you're golden. I think you're up to the challenge.
-Flounder
A healthy attitude radiates; people around you feel it, and it inspires. When you're genki, it's contagious. Granted it's easier for some people to naturally have this than others, but, you can do it.
Also, experiencing all the difficulites of being in a counry with a culture as different as Japan will exacerbate any ill feelings you may have inside.
Most of the better girls I've dated I met when I was just happy, and I wasn't needy. Mental conditioning is important-even when you're down-don't let it absorb you.
It may be easier for some guys to snag broads-but, that's their life-not yours, so don't compare. That's the human temptation. And, if you can master your emotions in various situations-then you're golden. I think you're up to the challenge.
-Flounder
# posted by 
: 04 October, 2005 16:07
: 04 October, 2005 16:07
Try masturbation. Works for me.
Oh yeah, that book your mom sent implores us to "Remember that when you die, your 'in' box won't be empty." What the fuck is an "'in' box" and why would I care that it be full after I'm dead?
Oh yeah, that book your mom sent implores us to "Remember that when you die, your 'in' box won't be empty." What the fuck is an "'in' box" and why would I care that it be full after I'm dead?
# posted by : 05 October, 2005 11:01
: 05 October, 2005 11:01
Fred Savage? Wow, I grew up watching The Wonder Years! That is, until you hit puberty. Then it was just awkward.
I actually did read that part about the "inbox" already. The "inbox" or "to do list" is basically stuff that we have to do, whether it be homework or assignments or otherwise "important" business. The idea is that some people work so hard that they might potentially ignore their friends/family for the sake of keeping up with work. The point the book makes is that since we can never be completely "finished," our "inbox" will always be full. So we should never worry about it.
The book is relatively interesting but so far it's a little light on answers. Of course I know I'm not supposed to "sweat the small stuff" but I'm not hearing a lot strategies about how to do that!
And Flounder, I'm well aware of my need to be more positive but I think I've done pretty well in that department since I came to Japan. Still, there's always room for improvement.
コメントがあります？ Type something, please. It's less work for me.I actually did read that part about the "inbox" already. The "inbox" or "to do list" is basically stuff that we have to do, whether it be homework or assignments or otherwise "important" business. The idea is that some people work so hard that they might potentially ignore their friends/family for the sake of keeping up with work. The point the book makes is that since we can never be completely "finished," our "inbox" will always be full. So we should never worry about it.
The book is relatively interesting but so far it's a little light on answers. Of course I know I'm not supposed to "sweat the small stuff" but I'm not hearing a lot strategies about how to do that!
And Flounder, I'm well aware of my need to be more positive but I think I've done pretty well in that department since I came to Japan. Still, there's always room for improvement.
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