Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Background
In a recent comment, Hyde asked to know more about Mako. Not appearance-wise but personality-wise. Since I spend a lot of time thinking about her I thought I might try to explain a little bit about her, or at least give you a clearer picture of how this all started.
Firstly, I should explain that we met via the Internet, specifically the forums at japan-guide.com. That means that the Internet has played a crucial role in introducing me to three of the most significant women that I have known: my first-ever girlfriend, Hyde, and now Mako.
She placed an ad in late August and I started visiting that site on September 5th, less than two weeks after I had arrived here in Japan. I first wrote to her on the sixth and she replied the next day. In our early e-mails, she described herself thusly: "I'm frank and easy-going. and I don't worry about small things." When I asked her about her hobbies, she told me (in Japanese): "movies, music, cooking, reading, watching sports, sports, internet, trying foods at various restaurants, etc." So far, she seemed to be right up my alley.
The e-mails flew back and forth for about a week when I asked her what she was doing over the three-day weekend (Sept. 17-19). I told her I had the whole weekend off and she asked if I wanted to meet her in Kobe on Monday, warning me that she was busy in the evening but offered to show me around during the afternoon. I jumped at her offering and quickly agreed. It took a few days to hammer out the details but we eventually met as planned. You can go back and read that post right now if you like. That was the end of a three-day weekend in which I tried to meet three different women, all of whom I had contacted via the Internet. One stood me up and the other I met but things were a little awkward.
Mako and I, however, got along pretty well. The language barrier was there but it was porous, whereby we were able to work around it by speaking in mixed English and Japanese. My sense of humor helped as I was able to make her laugh a few times, something I wasn't necessarily expecting given our obvious cultural differences. There were plenty of silences but they didn't feel terribly awkward; perhaps we were communicating through body language? Maybe we both took turns checking each other out? She's cute, of course, and in hindsight I'm tempted to say she thinks I'm not too bad myself. Certainly our "closeness" on the train ride home seems to be no accident, knowing what I know now.
We didn't meet again for three weeks because of her various jobs but we maintained e-mail communication throughout this stretch of time. I took this as a very strong sign that she liked spending time with me as most people I meet via the Internet rarely return my mails after the first face-to-face meeting. Our chatter was never very deep, typically just covering things we did that day, whether or not we drank too much the night before, that sort of thing.
That just about covers all the stuff I haven't already blogged. What more can I say about her? I really dig hanging out with her, her smile is absolutely adorable and she laughs at my jokes (sometimes). She's not afraid to drink with me although she doesn't have very strong tolerance; I've yet to see her drink more than one glass of anything. I'd say she's "quiet" compared to the chatty girls running around most of Japan but then again that could just be a matter of maturity. She's closer to my age than those other girls so maybe she simply values peace and quiet on occasion? I'm certainly much more contemplative and less verbose than I was eight years ago.
One final observation (I should really get to bed soon, Wednesdays are always my busiest day of the week): when I first fell in love ten years ago, I remember going to class the next day and feeling completely energized like no one could do anything to put me down; I had a girlfriend now and that made me important! I can't say I have that feeling right now and I'm considering several factors:
Firstly, I should explain that we met via the Internet, specifically the forums at japan-guide.com. That means that the Internet has played a crucial role in introducing me to three of the most significant women that I have known: my first-ever girlfriend, Hyde, and now Mako.
She placed an ad in late August and I started visiting that site on September 5th, less than two weeks after I had arrived here in Japan. I first wrote to her on the sixth and she replied the next day. In our early e-mails, she described herself thusly: "I'm frank and easy-going. and I don't worry about small things." When I asked her about her hobbies, she told me (in Japanese): "movies, music, cooking, reading, watching sports, sports, internet, trying foods at various restaurants, etc." So far, she seemed to be right up my alley.
The e-mails flew back and forth for about a week when I asked her what she was doing over the three-day weekend (Sept. 17-19). I told her I had the whole weekend off and she asked if I wanted to meet her in Kobe on Monday, warning me that she was busy in the evening but offered to show me around during the afternoon. I jumped at her offering and quickly agreed. It took a few days to hammer out the details but we eventually met as planned. You can go back and read that post right now if you like. That was the end of a three-day weekend in which I tried to meet three different women, all of whom I had contacted via the Internet. One stood me up and the other I met but things were a little awkward.
Mako and I, however, got along pretty well. The language barrier was there but it was porous, whereby we were able to work around it by speaking in mixed English and Japanese. My sense of humor helped as I was able to make her laugh a few times, something I wasn't necessarily expecting given our obvious cultural differences. There were plenty of silences but they didn't feel terribly awkward; perhaps we were communicating through body language? Maybe we both took turns checking each other out? She's cute, of course, and in hindsight I'm tempted to say she thinks I'm not too bad myself. Certainly our "closeness" on the train ride home seems to be no accident, knowing what I know now.
We didn't meet again for three weeks because of her various jobs but we maintained e-mail communication throughout this stretch of time. I took this as a very strong sign that she liked spending time with me as most people I meet via the Internet rarely return my mails after the first face-to-face meeting. Our chatter was never very deep, typically just covering things we did that day, whether or not we drank too much the night before, that sort of thing.
That just about covers all the stuff I haven't already blogged. What more can I say about her? I really dig hanging out with her, her smile is absolutely adorable and she laughs at my jokes (sometimes). She's not afraid to drink with me although she doesn't have very strong tolerance; I've yet to see her drink more than one glass of anything. I'd say she's "quiet" compared to the chatty girls running around most of Japan but then again that could just be a matter of maturity. She's closer to my age than those other girls so maybe she simply values peace and quiet on occasion? I'm certainly much more contemplative and less verbose than I was eight years ago.
One final observation (I should really get to bed soon, Wednesdays are always my busiest day of the week): when I first fell in love ten years ago, I remember going to class the next day and feeling completely energized like no one could do anything to put me down; I had a girlfriend now and that made me important! I can't say I have that feeling right now and I'm considering several factors:
- No one has said "I love you" yet, although there were a few breathy 「好きだ！」 (suki da, "[I] like [you] (very much)!") slipped inbetween the kisses on Sunday by both parties. So I don't quite have the sense that I'm in love (or loved) right now.
- Maybe the first time you fall in love is always the best? Will I always judge my future emotional attachments by that initial connection?
- I'm still dealing with the love I professed to Hyde this summer. I need to be very careful that I don't get too involved too quickly with Mako. After all, this is my first relationship in a long time; I need to proceed with caution else I might get seriously burned.
- My previous loves were all built over a period of months with someone I felt I could open up to about anything. Mako and I don't have that kind of accumulated time or connection just yet. My fear is that the language barrier might prevent us from ever reaching that point, but who knows where we'll be in two, three, four months? I can be a fast learner when the subject appeals to me. ^_^
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Dude, I learned about that whole takin things slow thing from experience. It's a good model, keep it up, and expect less, then you're surprised and delighted when you get more! Language barriers be damned!
Take that shit low and slow son. In no time you 'gone drop that slop. I remember when i was your age, just drinkin' and thinkin' my way through life. I took it fast, way to fast. Shit, sometimes I never stopped to hear a "Yes". Those were crazy times. Mushrooms in the morning, transexuals at night, full time party. I used to date one named Barbie Q. To look at us most of the time you'd think we were siamese twins connected at the crotch. I'm just saying, keep that girl on low heat, keep her close, and no: wearing pull-away pants on a date ain't presumtious.
# posted by 
: 19 October, 2005 09:32
: 19 October, 2005 09:32
In theory I am the master of maintaining low expectations but in practice my mind is its own worst enemy: any woman I meet, no matter what the circumstances, inevitably leads my brain to forecast elaborate fantasy scenarios where we fall in love, get married, etc. It's a pain in the ass.
Burpy, thank you for your prophetic advice. I'm fascinated by your story, in part because I can't think of any friends who are older than I am, save for Dave and I'm certainly not going to follow his lead when it comes to the ladies.
Burpy, thank you for your prophetic advice. I'm fascinated by your story, in part because I can't think of any friends who are older than I am, save for Dave and I'm certainly not going to follow his lead when it comes to the ladies.
Just take it step by step and see where it brings you. Most things happen when you don't expect them anyway. Just don't fall into this whole wanting to get married thing... plenty of time for that. Also, what's up with the "I love you remark"? Personally I believe you shouldn't say it unless you really really mean it, and usually that takes some time. So relax, no hurry. You got all the time in the world.
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