Wednesday, September 21, 2005
No Pushing!
Hey, things are starting to get a little crowded here at feitclub.com with the announced arrivals of a few of my fellow students here at Kansai Gaidai. One of whom, amazingly, is actually Megan, the girl with the tattoo who I later anxiously introduced myself to. What are the odds on that? Since most visitors come and go without saying anything, I can therefore deduce that there are at least six or seven KG students reading this blog on a regular basis. I suppose this violates, in principle, the first and second rule but it feels good to know that people are out there, reading my words. Not that I don't love writing for the sake of writing, but an audience makes everything better!
I actually ran into Megan in the computer room at school this morning and we shared a few words. Once my classes were finished I ended up reading a bit of her blog, which seems to go back three years! Holy Crap! I'm only a year and a half into mine and it took me nearly five months to "find my voice," so to speak. I tried to imagine where I'll be after three years of blogging...I should be about ready to graduate and return to the job market. Hmm, mixed emotions there.
I ended up having Chinese food for dinner. While I was eating it I realized that I kind of missed the over-sauced, unhealthy Chinese food we have in the states. Not that this wasn't delicious, but I was thinking that American Chinese food is actually a unique creation that most people here have never eaten. I started wondering if some smart folks shouldn't try to import American Chinese food and market it as some kind of "fusion" food or something. I think fortune cookies and General Tso's chicken would go over really big here. Quick, someone jump on this idea and send me a check!
Walking home from the restaurant I nearly ran into a fellow student walking home. I tend to walk pretty fast but I always feel weird about rushing past someone unless I'm really in a hurry to get somewhere, which I wasn't. So I kind of slowed down but then I realized I was now intentionally slowing my pace so I could walk behind her, which struck me as odd. Somewhere in this jumble of thoughts, she turned around and said "Hi."
I said "Hi."
"How's it going?"
"Fine, thanks." Right here, the old me would have let the conversation die. Instead, I kept it going with "How are you?" She responded and we ended up talking all the way back to the dorms (she lives next door in Seminar House 3). This might sound like a trivial matter but I have to actively remind myself to do things like this. This is how most people behave and how most people meet other people. True, I don't have to do little things like this but every step I take towards socializing is a victory for my new resolve. I know, in one sense, it's not productive or particularly healthy to concern myself with what's "normal" since that has no relevance; we are who we are, I think. However, given that I don't like who I am and I loathe being alone, it's up to me to do more to be social. No matter how many of my friends might say I'm "handsome," "smart," "charming" or even "fascinating," (those are all actual quotes) unless I behave a certain way in public no one is going to bother talking to me, let alone get to know me, befriend me or fall in love with me.
We've all heard the expression, "It takes money to make money." Well, it also takes friendliness to make friends. If I had realized that fifteen or twenty years ago my life might be very different today.
I actually ran into Megan in the computer room at school this morning and we shared a few words. Once my classes were finished I ended up reading a bit of her blog, which seems to go back three years! Holy Crap! I'm only a year and a half into mine and it took me nearly five months to "find my voice," so to speak. I tried to imagine where I'll be after three years of blogging...I should be about ready to graduate and return to the job market. Hmm, mixed emotions there.
I ended up having Chinese food for dinner. While I was eating it I realized that I kind of missed the over-sauced, unhealthy Chinese food we have in the states. Not that this wasn't delicious, but I was thinking that American Chinese food is actually a unique creation that most people here have never eaten. I started wondering if some smart folks shouldn't try to import American Chinese food and market it as some kind of "fusion" food or something. I think fortune cookies and General Tso's chicken would go over really big here. Quick, someone jump on this idea and send me a check!
Walking home from the restaurant I nearly ran into a fellow student walking home. I tend to walk pretty fast but I always feel weird about rushing past someone unless I'm really in a hurry to get somewhere, which I wasn't. So I kind of slowed down but then I realized I was now intentionally slowing my pace so I could walk behind her, which struck me as odd. Somewhere in this jumble of thoughts, she turned around and said "Hi."
I said "Hi."
"How's it going?"
"Fine, thanks." Right here, the old me would have let the conversation die. Instead, I kept it going with "How are you?" She responded and we ended up talking all the way back to the dorms (she lives next door in Seminar House 3). This might sound like a trivial matter but I have to actively remind myself to do things like this. This is how most people behave and how most people meet other people. True, I don't have to do little things like this but every step I take towards socializing is a victory for my new resolve. I know, in one sense, it's not productive or particularly healthy to concern myself with what's "normal" since that has no relevance; we are who we are, I think. However, given that I don't like who I am and I loathe being alone, it's up to me to do more to be social. No matter how many of my friends might say I'm "handsome," "smart," "charming" or even "fascinating," (those are all actual quotes) unless I behave a certain way in public no one is going to bother talking to me, let alone get to know me, befriend me or fall in love with me.
We've all heard the expression, "It takes money to make money." Well, it also takes friendliness to make friends. If I had realized that fifteen or twenty years ago my life might be very different today.
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Dan, I admire your efforts, but I honestly have to say--you seem to have a lot of friends and I didn't feel like there was any difficulty getting to know you this summer, so... Maybe you're not as bad at it as you think.
I'm at the apartment in Forest Hills now, and as luck would have it, there's free wireless! Yay! I can distract myself with blogging all morning if I want to!
-h
PS: Do you ever use AIM or MSN messenger?
I'm at the apartment in Forest Hills now, and as luck would have it, there's free wireless! Yay! I can distract myself with blogging all morning if I want to!
-h
PS: Do you ever use AIM or MSN messenger?
I think most of the world would find American style Chinese food gross. Most Americans like it because we were raised on it, and lots of sweets in general, so we don't mind it's overly sweet taste. Sort of like ketchup.
I agree with Hyde...you are pretty hard on yourself. Disliking yourself is harsh. I hope deep down that you don't really feel that way. Seeing room for improvement is another thing, something we could all use.
I agree with Hyde...you are pretty hard on yourself. Disliking yourself is harsh. I hope deep down that you don't really feel that way. Seeing room for improvement is another thing, something we could all use.
Maybe I'm being a little hard on myself, yes, but not by much. Hyde, the fact that you and met and I instantly opened myself up to you is one of the main reasons I found myself falling for you. That doesn't happen with most people I meet. Typically, I appear aloof and unresponsive.
As far as having friends vs not having friends, no, I am not a person without friends. This may be a case where I hold myself up to an impossible standard (or possibly a misconceived one) because when I look around here I just see lots of people talking to lots of other people and it always makes me feel alone. Even now, I can see into the TV lounge and there are a dozen or so people laughing it up (and flirting) while I type.
Salena, I didn't want to project that dislike myself. I dislike much of the "myself" that I project to other people. My habits are anti-social and I am trying to be social; that's a contradiction. I don't want to be anti-social but that is my habit, therefore, I don't want to be myself in that way.
And what do you have against ketchup? You were the one who showed me it was good on hot dogs.
As far as having friends vs not having friends, no, I am not a person without friends. This may be a case where I hold myself up to an impossible standard (or possibly a misconceived one) because when I look around here I just see lots of people talking to lots of other people and it always makes me feel alone. Even now, I can see into the TV lounge and there are a dozen or so people laughing it up (and flirting) while I type.
Salena, I didn't want to project that dislike myself. I dislike much of the "myself" that I project to other people. My habits are anti-social and I am trying to be social; that's a contradiction. I don't want to be anti-social but that is my habit, therefore, I don't want to be myself in that way.
And what do you have against ketchup? You were the one who showed me it was good on hot dogs.
Ketchup is great on averything, just to start with. Also I think it's great that you're trying to be more open and social to people, but I don't like the way in which you formulate that. The way you say it, it sounds like it's really a piece of work to get to know yoou, and I don't think that's true. So rather than criticising yourself so much, look at all that you have achieved. You took a big step going away from here, and you seem to be doing more than just fine. So take it easy and be happy about what you did, and all the things you can accomplish from now on.
Hey Dan,
You wrote, "It takes money to make money." Well how about "Respect is earned not given." I think the number and quality of your friends is a reflection of the respect you have earned from the rest of us.
I consider you one of my greatest friends. I've told you before that I tell other people stories about you. If you were a dork or an asshole I probably wouldn't be your friend.
I wish we could have hung out one more time before you left. I miss ya buddy!
Ketchup rules. And so does Arby's Horseradish Sauce.
Peace brother,
Joe
You wrote, "It takes money to make money." Well how about "Respect is earned not given." I think the number and quality of your friends is a reflection of the respect you have earned from the rest of us.
I consider you one of my greatest friends. I've told you before that I tell other people stories about you. If you were a dork or an asshole I probably wouldn't be your friend.
I wish we could have hung out one more time before you left. I miss ya buddy!
Ketchup rules. And so does Arby's Horseradish Sauce.
Peace brother,
Joe
Thanks goodness we all agree: ketchup is awesome.
Dani, I don't know that it's a "piece of work" to get to know me but I often feel that I have squandered far too many opportunities to make friends over the years. Maybe everyone feels this way, even the people who seem to have lots of friends around all the time?
Joe, I think you hit on something important: Quality is better than quantity. I wouldn't trade in or give up on any of the friendships I have now, and I don't want any of you to feel like my search for new friends is any reflection on your behalf. However, you're all 7000 miles away right now. I'm going to be here in Japan for another eight months and I feel alone. I don't want to feel alone, I want to make friends like everyone else around me seems to be doing. Sometimes, this strong desire (coupled with my tendency for self-depreciation) makes me put myself down.
Anyway, I feel I should thank everyone for showing up in force to offer comments of support. Discussions like this make me feel very good.
Ahh, Arby's...I've been consciously avoiding fast food for months now but I ever see another Arby's, I'm going in! Hail the Horsey Sauce!
コメントがあります？ Type something, please. It's less work for me.Dani, I don't know that it's a "piece of work" to get to know me but I often feel that I have squandered far too many opportunities to make friends over the years. Maybe everyone feels this way, even the people who seem to have lots of friends around all the time?
Joe, I think you hit on something important: Quality is better than quantity. I wouldn't trade in or give up on any of the friendships I have now, and I don't want any of you to feel like my search for new friends is any reflection on your behalf. However, you're all 7000 miles away right now. I'm going to be here in Japan for another eight months and I feel alone. I don't want to feel alone, I want to make friends like everyone else around me seems to be doing. Sometimes, this strong desire (coupled with my tendency for self-depreciation) makes me put myself down.
Anyway, I feel I should thank everyone for showing up in force to offer comments of support. Discussions like this make me feel very good.
Ahh, Arby's...I've been consciously avoiding fast food for months now but I ever see another Arby's, I'm going in! Hail the Horsey Sauce!
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