Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Torn
Yesterday I resumed my workout without incident. If anything, I seemed to work out harder than I did last week: the elliptical trainer estimated that I burned more calories than usual.
Last night I met Hyde for a few drinks. She's going on a week-long trip soon and I've only got three weeks left so I'm eager to see her as often as possible. We ended up spending quite a few hours together in the bar, talking, drinking and occasionally smoking. It's funny how much we have in common emotionally even though we seem so very different on the surface. I'm not sure how much to elaborate on this because (believe it or not) Hyde is actually very private and I don't know how much of our conversation she'd want me to share. I leave it her to disclose want she wants on her blog.
At one point she told me about this guy she had seen who she felt was "boring." Curious, I asked her if she thought I was boring. She didn't think so but she admitted that she felt like she didn't really know me. I told her that was perfectly natural because we only actually met a few weeks ago. As interesting as it may be, reading a blog is not the same as knowing someone. We all self-edit, especially when we type.
Eventually the conversation did turn to my affection for her. She told me I "shouldn't" be in love with her because she's in love with this Narc fellow. I told her that didn't matter because she's been in love with him since the first day we met. Of course I wish she cared about me as much as she cared about him, but just because that isn't going to happen doesn't mean I can hide or ignore how I feel about her.
We had talked about stopping around 2 AM but ended up running closer to 3. Suddenly, Narc called (he has a habit of calling her late at night) and Hyde wanted to go see him. I started walking her home but then she opted to just get in a cab and go straight to his place. She told me she was "bad" but I disagreed. I gave her a hug goodbye and a kiss on the cheek; she did the same.
My mom's coming to town for a few days starting tomorrow. This will be my last chance to see her before my trip. Luckily her visit coincides with Hyde's excursion; I'd hate to have to decide who I want to see more of.
Last night I met Hyde for a few drinks. She's going on a week-long trip soon and I've only got three weeks left so I'm eager to see her as often as possible. We ended up spending quite a few hours together in the bar, talking, drinking and occasionally smoking. It's funny how much we have in common emotionally even though we seem so very different on the surface. I'm not sure how much to elaborate on this because (believe it or not) Hyde is actually very private and I don't know how much of our conversation she'd want me to share. I leave it her to disclose want she wants on her blog.
At one point she told me about this guy she had seen who she felt was "boring." Curious, I asked her if she thought I was boring. She didn't think so but she admitted that she felt like she didn't really know me. I told her that was perfectly natural because we only actually met a few weeks ago. As interesting as it may be, reading a blog is not the same as knowing someone. We all self-edit, especially when we type.
Eventually the conversation did turn to my affection for her. She told me I "shouldn't" be in love with her because she's in love with this Narc fellow. I told her that didn't matter because she's been in love with him since the first day we met. Of course I wish she cared about me as much as she cared about him, but just because that isn't going to happen doesn't mean I can hide or ignore how I feel about her.
We had talked about stopping around 2 AM but ended up running closer to 3. Suddenly, Narc called (he has a habit of calling her late at night) and Hyde wanted to go see him. I started walking her home but then she opted to just get in a cab and go straight to his place. She told me she was "bad" but I disagreed. I gave her a hug goodbye and a kiss on the cheek; she did the same.
My mom's coming to town for a few days starting tomorrow. This will be my last chance to see her before my trip. Luckily her visit coincides with Hyde's excursion; I'd hate to have to decide who I want to see more of.
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Hey Dan,
I appreciate the lack of elaboration. My blog (unlike yours) is supposed to be anonymous, and I'd like to stay in control of what I report about my life...
Thanks!
:)
I appreciate the lack of elaboration. My blog (unlike yours) is supposed to be anonymous, and I'd like to stay in control of what I report about my life...
Thanks!
:)
Dude...I would chill with the whole Hyde thing if I was you. Seems you love her, she doesn't feel the same way but she likes you as a friend. If you want to keep her friendship and not scare her away I would really calm down with this whole thing. Otherwise you're just going to freak her out and lose her friendship.
# posted by 
: 03 August, 2005 06:09
: 03 August, 2005 06:09
Anonymous mystery person, you're right of course. I didn't know what else to do. Spending time with Hyde has made me feel so good and comfortable, I've been eager to talk to her about anything and everything. So I felt like I should just tell her how I felt rather than try to hide it. After all, I should just try to "be myself" around women, right?
But it didn't work. Based on our conversation last night and her blog posts today, it is evident to me that she is uncomfortable with my feelings for her. Thankfully, she's been cool about the whole thing and hasn't run for the hills screaming like so many (former) female friends of mine had done in years past.
She's going away for a week and I'm just hoping that I can see her a few times before I leave the country. She will be missed but I guess I shouldn't tell her that.
コメントがあります？ Type something, please. It's less work for me.But it didn't work. Based on our conversation last night and her blog posts today, it is evident to me that she is uncomfortable with my feelings for her. Thankfully, she's been cool about the whole thing and hasn't run for the hills screaming like so many (former) female friends of mine had done in years past.
She's going away for a week and I'm just hoping that I can see her a few times before I leave the country. She will be missed but I guess I shouldn't tell her that.
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