a history of me

So much to say right now, not sure how I'll spit it all out. Laws may have been broken but I deny everything.

Friday night was another hometown BBQ at Ben's house and I've got plenty of fresh mosquito bites to show for it. I think bug repellent must be a myth; there's no way I could have been bit up any more. I know wearing shorts doesn't help matters any but given the obscene levels of heat and humidity in New York these days, I cannot bear the thought of walking around in long pants and sleeves. Irregardless, everything was delicious, I had a lot to drink and enjoyed myself thoroughly. My favorites were the grilled mushrooms. Have I mentioned how much I enjoy eating mushrooms? Unfortunately, it was the last time I'll see Dylan until next year. He's going on vacation and won't return before I leave.

I spent the night up there and got a ride back to the city on Saturday with Kate and Josh. Sadly, their van did not have air conditioning so I felt exhausted when I got home. I passed up my usual workout and just tried to relax. Since Dad is off sailing I figured I would try and invite someone to hang out with me here in the apartment for a change. I called Joe and suggested this. He countered by inviting me to a pizza* party at his home. I agreed and took a train all the way out on the Harlem line.

I got to Joe's home around 8 PM. I knew nearly everyone there, save for Joe's sister's boyfriend who was a lot older than all of us which was really weird. We ate around 9, using some McDonald's to mask the taste. It was the first McDonald's food I had eaten since seeing Super Size Me and it ended up being the only thing I ate yesterday (actually, as of this writing it's the only thing I've eaten all weekend). I had one cheeseburger, simultaneously wishing I could eat another but realizing that it tasted kind of gross and that I wasn't really hungry.

The effects were nearly immediate. Despite the two air conditioners cooling the room I began sweating and drinking lots of water. 12 Monkeys was on TV but it started to get too intense. I suggested we watch something else. Joe put in Half Baked which was completely surreal because we were fucked up watching a movie about people getting fucked up.

My first trip to the bathroom was very awkward. During the incident last summer, I had spent a good amount of time hiding in the bathroom when Joe flipped out. So being in that bathroom again, fucked up again, it recalled those unpleasant memories. I guess we can all laugh about now (including Joe).

Obviously, I cannot keenly recall the order of events. Someone started playing music. I had an extended conversation with someone about my upcoming visit to Japan and my experiences from my first trip. When we ran out of water (the tap water was not to be trusted) Joe wanted me to come with him to the store. I didn't feel comfortable with that. Somehow he and his brother drove to the store and returned with gallons of water. Some people were drinking beers, some were smoking something or other, I spent a good deal of time pacing in the kitchen, trying to understand who and I where I was.

Alone, my thoughts drifted to my friends. I wondered where they were and what they were doing. I wondered if my Dad would be angry if I knew what I was doing at that exact moment. I wondered if Hyde was trying to call me or if I should try and call her. I dismissed this idea as you don't want to start making phone calls in that state of mind. It's kind of a rule.

Confused, I thought I might be nauseous. I felt compelled to keep drinking water even though I wasn't that thirsty. I wondered if I should vomit to try and end the experience. Instead, I opted to lay down in Joe's room to try and sleep a little bit. I ended up disrobing even though I was now actually cold. Of course, I couldn't sleep at all. I felt a wave of visual and borderline tactile sensations wash over me. The lights were out in the room but I could still hear noises from the other room and see some light creep in under the door. I imagined that the room was being detached from the building, like I was being taken away. I started talking to myself in Japanese just to see if I was coherent. I imagined that I was in Japan already, despite the numerous American flags hanging in Joe's room. I thought of Hyde again and eventually, I found myself invigorated. I got up, wrapped myself in a red sheet and went back into the other room.

Everyone else was still awake and alert. Clearly, we were all still feeling altered. The TV was tuned to MTV and I found the images to be genuinely bizarre. I was obviously coming down but I still couldn't make sense of anything that was happening on the screen. I found this slightly reassuring, since I know that when I am "normal" I loathe everything MTV does, so if I was recognizing that than my head must have been clearing up.

As people started to leave, it came down to just Joe and I in the living room. We both discovered we were thinking of watching something and we both decided it would be fun to watch the Transformers movie. Those toys (along with all the media associated with them) were an integral part of my early childhood and I was in the mood for some nostalgia. Unfortunately, it doesn't hold up twenty years later. The animation was noticeably chopping and disorienting. Continuity errors were abundant. Unfulfilled and suddenly tired, I went off to sleep. I don't know how successful I was though.

Joe actually had to go to work today so he dropped me off at the station this morning. I don't know if I'll have another chance to see him before I go although he was optimistic that we would hang out one more time. I got home around 1PM and started typing this. I don't know if I'll go outside again today given the terrible heat outside. I suppose I should try getting some exercise in.

*We did not eat any pizza. Use your imagination.