a history of me

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I think you learn a lot about yourself whenever you travel abroad. Perhaps it's the feeling of isolation, maybe it's the endless introspection or it could just be a matter of finding out how you react to being out of place. I think my biggest problem right now is a pervasive feeling of helplessness, and the more I think about it the more I realize that helplessness is very high on my list of feelings that I dread. Indeed, it might very well be my greatest fear, especially if you connect it to my fear of death which I think is basically the same thing. I am simply terrified of being unable to control my life.

Alright, that's a pretty heavy way to start a daily post so we'll get back to that business in a moment. Last night I went ahead and had another random dinner adventure. I walked north from the neighborhood of the dorms and simply stopped in a place that looked good. Again, I crossed the Hotani River (shots below) only this time I was really hungry and didn't want to walk as far as I did last week. I saw one place that looked pretty cool but they weren't open for another half hour. Not content to wait, I found another place across the street. It was very small and it seemed like a "Mom and Pop" kind of joint. I spent a few minutes studying the food displayed in the window (restaurants commonly have models of the food they serve) and picked something that looked like it might be good. It was called マーボ丼 (Mâbo-don) and it was similar to Mapodofu only not very spicy and there was rice. It seems I can't escape eating rice here so I've stopped trying. Anyway, it was quite tasty and a fair price too.


Hotani River, facing east...


...and west.

Today was the first day of classes but that didn't include Japanese classes which are all in the morning. So I took advantage of this time to head down to Hirakata City Hall to register as a Resident Alien. Once completed, I will receive what people jokingly refer to as a "Gaijin card." To get there, I took a bus to the train station and took a short walk south through Oka Higashi Central Park. Having plenty of time to kill, I took a few pictures along the way.


Hirakata City Station is the unofficial "center" of town.


This object features the name of the park. Could it be a monument? Or just art?


I suppose that qualifies as art.


This plaque notes the location of a time capsule, perhaps to be opened in fifty years?


This was standing above the time capsule plaque. Maybe the capsule is in there.

I got a little frustrated when I got to City Hall because I had no idea where to deliver the necessary paperwork and the building seemed pretty big. I got pissed off that this important task was just left up to me to do alone while I had to sit through endless orientation meetings last week that were completely non-essential. Couldn't there have been some kind of coordination effort to streamline this process?After a few minutes of wandering I figured out that I wasn't at the front door and walked around the building until I found it. Once there,I saw clear English-language signs indicating where to take the paperwork.

The Hirakata City Hall is kind of like the DMV in that you get a numbered ticket and wait to be processed by a clerk. This operation was much nicer though as my the ticket-dispensing machine clearly indicated how many people had been issued tickets for this service. It was just one; me! So I was called forward right away and everything went smoothly. However, it seems I won't get the card until October! So much for Japanese efficiency.

I still had hours of nothing to do so I went to the Yoshinoya inside the train station before taking the bus to campus. Today was the first day of sign-up for the "Experience Japan" program where you go on local trips in the area with other KG students. Unfortunately, the only way to sign-up is in a folder at the International Studies Office. By putting all the sheets in one folder, I guess it makes it easier to keep track of things but it also means that only one person can use it at a time. For some reason, whenever a girl was using the book she sat there for 10-15 minutes reading the goddamn thing! Guys would sit down, sign up and leave but ladies...not even close. What's up with that? Anyway, I signed up for a trip to Kobe this Saturday. The list was pretty long though so I'm not sure if I'll make the cut. If not, I'm sure I'll find my own entertainment. I've been doing lots of research into sights to see in this area (and beyond).

After spending an hour in that process (seriously ladies, what's the deal?) I checked my class schedule. It seems I'm in Level 2 of Japanese which sounds about right. I was worried my dismal performance on the placement test would land me back at square one but I guess those worries were unfounded. My week looks something like this: Spoken Japanese meets everyday, Written Japanese (they are separate somehow) meets MWTh and my electives are scattered over MTuWF. So no day is particularly loaded and I have Thursday afternoons off. Not a bad deal, really.

Schedule in hand, I killed some more time in the nearby computer lab. Midday here is late-night back in New York so I always like to check my e-mail around this time. Sometimes a message I wrote in the morning (NY evening) may have gotten a response and if I reply when people are still awake, I might even get another response while I'm in the lab. If I wait until my evening, it's early morning in New York and I know none of you are up. Got all that? Good.

On my way out of the lab, I spotted the girl with the tattoo from last week's first orientation again. I had been seeing her around campus at various times and each time I wanted to say something but I invariably missed my opportunity. This time, she was sitting down (ALONE) eating a sandwich so I felt like it was the right time. I was so scared that I felt my heart race. Can you imagine how absurd all this is? I'm not asking her to marry me, I'm just trying to introduce myself! This is why I don't go on many dates. I'm such a tool...whatever, I went to the water fountain to cool down (literally and figuratively). Once composed (or as close as I could get) I walked over and sat down across from her.

Unlike my friend Hyde, I cannot recall conversations in great detail. I'm sure I excused myself for being forward and told her I found her tattoo fascinating and I wanted to know more about it. To my welcome surprise, she was a very sweet, friendly person who happily told me all about it. She had wanted to get wings on her back but she didn't want it to be overly feminine. Inspired by a manga character, she made some photocopies and showed them to a tattoo artist to develop her ideas. This "mechanical" design was the result of weeks of discussion and brainstorming and the actual work took about four hours. Some have suggested she color the wings but she thought that wasn't necessary (I agree). Oh yeah, her name is Megan and she's from North Carolina. Now that I've met her, maybe I can actually talk to her again. Is that too much to ask?

I had lunch in the cafeteria and ran into some familiar faces from UAlbany. It was somewhat comforting to run into a group of people I know even if I don't feel all that close to them. I suppose at the very least our common experiences give us some kind of connection which puts me at ease. I'd hesitate to call them "friends" but at the same time I do value their company on a personal level.


They do have pidgeons in Japan but Hirakata seems to have a lot of crows.

After eating lunch and killing some more time reading travel brochures (most of which I got at the Shin-Osaka station this weekend) it was finally time to go to my first class: Making News in Japan. It's part "current events," part media analysis. No papers to write (thank sweet Jesus almighty) so I feel good about my ability to succeed. After all, I already make it a habit of keeping up with the news and I'm highly critical of news sources so this should be right up my alley.

Class ended and I was done for the day. I thought I might go back and do some laundry (it has been almost a week) but I realized I didn't have any detergent. Furthermore, I didn't even know what the Japanese called "detergent" in their language! All I knew was the word for "laundry," sentaku (洗濯). I walked into a nearby 7-Eleven (do you know how popular they are here?) and did some investigating. I picked up what looked like detergent even though I couldn't really read the label. There was a drawing of washing clothes and I could see the 洗 character which certainly signifies "washing" so I picked it up. At the counter, I mumbled something about sentaku to the clerk, trying to put it in question form but not knowing how. She instead directed me to a tub of powder next to the item I had picked up. Trusting her, I bought the powder instead.


Truth in Advertising: How can you deny that Suntory Boss is the boss of them all?

I headed for home but also realized that I should try and go grocery shopping. Now that I'm officially checked-in to my room, I can access the kitchen in the dorm which means I can buy and store food to prepare my own meals. I have no real experience in these matters (I practically lived on take-out when I lived alone) but I thought my summer experience of eating cold cuts and dipping vegetables might somehow have prepared me to finally eat like an adult. No such luck! For you see, I still can't speak Japanese! The supermarket was completely nonsensical to me. Sure, I know basic vocabulary like gyûnyû ("milk" 牛乳) and tamago ("egg" 卵) but food shopping is more than sputtering sentence fragments. Imagine you only know the word "milk" and you walked into a typical dairy aisle. Which container would you grab? How could you know you were buying milk and not "buttermilk" or "soy milk" or even "half & half?" You wouldn't know, nor could you ask anyone. So I gave up and walked home instead.

Finally, we get back to the issue of helplessness (scroll up if you forgot where I started this idea). That's the real kicker here in Japan. It's not culture shock, it's not even just a language barrier (although it's huge), it's me feeling helpless and not knowing what to do. And I hate that feeling because it scares me.

What now? Well, in the immediate future I'm going to go out and find someplace to eat dinner. In the larger picture I've got lots more classes to go to and hopefully I'll talk to Megan again. Because the upside of all this fear crap is that fear can be beaten if you just stand up to it. I don't have to be afraid of talking to girls or going shopping or even dying so long as I know I'm doing everything I can to deal with these situations.

So that's the lesson of today, I think. I leave you with a photo of a little visitor who appeared in the computer room while I was typing this mammoth post.