Thursday, July 28, 2005
Alcohol Solution
If you haven't already, you should probably listen to the audiopost I made earlier.
So I returned to Manhattan feeling bad about everything. What should have been a fun CL adventure turned out to be a colossal waste of time, and it was entirely my fault to boot. So I was pissed off at the world and I decided I needed to unwind, chemically speaking. Feeling lonely and in need of a friend, I called Hyde. She agreed to meet me at her favorite bar at 8:15.
I had some time to kill in the meantime and I was hungry and angry. I didn't care much about my dietary restrictions but at the same time I wasn't about to collapse and get some fast food either. My middle ground turned out to be a big ol' burrito. I considered eating at Taco Bell but even in my foul mood I knew that was a bad idea for many reasons. I opted instead for Burritoville, a local chain that is fresher and better than the corporate Taco Bell anyday.
Having consumed my "forbidden" burrito, I proceeded to Hyde's favorite bar where she was already waiting. They have TV there so I was able to watch the remainder of the Yankee game while we drank. I managed to restrict myself to "lite" beers which I suppose is better than regular beer, if only slightly. We had a lot of fun, irregardless of my dietary violations. Indeed, my mood was vastly improved by the time I finished my first drink.
Eventually her neighbor NDN showed up and we were all joking around. He refused to drink anything with us but we were chatting about various topics. Then a conflict arose. Hyde started to get messages from this guy (she calls him "Narc") and she decided she was going to see him. All of a sudden, NDN moved over and took Hyde's drink away, pouring it out behind the bar. Of course, this pissed off the bartender who told NDN to leave. I'm probably oversimplifying this but hey, I was pretty tipsy.
Hyde and I paid our tabs and we went up to her place (which is around the corner from her favorite bar). NDN was up there and the three of us spoke a little bit while Hyde got herself ready to go out and meet Narc. It was very surreal to have a conversation with a woman while she "prepared" herself inside her bathroom. Whatever she did, it didn't take long and I had a moment with her alone before she left. Feeling courageous (thanks, booze!) I decided to try and explain to her how much I cared about her BUT I made no attempt to talk her out of seeing Narc. I just want her to be happy and I felt happy having told her that I loved* her.
Hyde went off to have fun and I walked home. Not ready to settle in just yet, I stopped in at Ariyoshi for some edamame. I came home around 1:30 and started blogging. Maybe I'm still a little tipsy but I feel a lot better about how tonight turned out. I just hope Hyde feels the same way.
*this word can mean a lot of different things to different people. I think I was able to explain how I felt to Hyde but I don't want any readers to jump to conclusions. I wasn't trying to seduce Hyde or anything; I'm leaving the country in less than a month and I'm not her type anyway.
So I returned to Manhattan feeling bad about everything. What should have been a fun CL adventure turned out to be a colossal waste of time, and it was entirely my fault to boot. So I was pissed off at the world and I decided I needed to unwind, chemically speaking. Feeling lonely and in need of a friend, I called Hyde. She agreed to meet me at her favorite bar at 8:15.
I had some time to kill in the meantime and I was hungry and angry. I didn't care much about my dietary restrictions but at the same time I wasn't about to collapse and get some fast food either. My middle ground turned out to be a big ol' burrito. I considered eating at Taco Bell but even in my foul mood I knew that was a bad idea for many reasons. I opted instead for Burritoville, a local chain that is fresher and better than the corporate Taco Bell anyday.
Having consumed my "forbidden" burrito, I proceeded to Hyde's favorite bar where she was already waiting. They have TV there so I was able to watch the remainder of the Yankee game while we drank. I managed to restrict myself to "lite" beers which I suppose is better than regular beer, if only slightly. We had a lot of fun, irregardless of my dietary violations. Indeed, my mood was vastly improved by the time I finished my first drink.
Eventually her neighbor NDN showed up and we were all joking around. He refused to drink anything with us but we were chatting about various topics. Then a conflict arose. Hyde started to get messages from this guy (she calls him "Narc") and she decided she was going to see him. All of a sudden, NDN moved over and took Hyde's drink away, pouring it out behind the bar. Of course, this pissed off the bartender who told NDN to leave. I'm probably oversimplifying this but hey, I was pretty tipsy.
Hyde and I paid our tabs and we went up to her place (which is around the corner from her favorite bar). NDN was up there and the three of us spoke a little bit while Hyde got herself ready to go out and meet Narc. It was very surreal to have a conversation with a woman while she "prepared" herself inside her bathroom. Whatever she did, it didn't take long and I had a moment with her alone before she left. Feeling courageous (thanks, booze!) I decided to try and explain to her how much I cared about her BUT I made no attempt to talk her out of seeing Narc. I just want her to be happy and I felt happy having told her that I loved* her.
Hyde went off to have fun and I walked home. Not ready to settle in just yet, I stopped in at Ariyoshi for some edamame. I came home around 1:30 and started blogging. Maybe I'm still a little tipsy but I feel a lot better about how tonight turned out. I just hope Hyde feels the same way.
*this word can mean a lot of different things to different people. I think I was able to explain how I felt to Hyde but I don't want any readers to jump to conclusions. I wasn't trying to seduce Hyde or anything; I'm leaving the country in less than a month and I'm not her type anyway.
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It seems as though you and Hyde are good friends and that you really care about her. From reading her blog though it seems as though she has a problem with alcohol, knowing this, why would you invite her out to a bar when she is trying to control her drinking better? Isn't that like asking a crack addict to accompany you to a crackden?
# posted by 
: 29 July, 2005 02:39
: 29 July, 2005 02:39
I suppose that analogy would carry more weight if crack addiction and a drinking problem were at all similar. Frankly, I'm not convinced she has a true drinking problem, I just think she tends to drink too much, two similar conditions which I do not consider identical. In either case, she is well-aware of her drinking and was setting limits for herself last night, even before I was ready to stop. And I think she was already planning on going out to the bar anyway.
Besides, drinking alone doesn't make me feel better. Drinking with a friend does.
Besides, drinking alone doesn't make me feel better. Drinking with a friend does.
I hate to say this, but you need a reality check for your own good so that focus on loving someone who will love you back.
1.) Hyde is in love with Narc. Not only is she in love with Narc, she is all wrapped up in that "total obsession" kind of love.
2.) Hyde does not even mention you on her blog and she does not self-edit. That tells me that you are wasting your time being emotionally invested in her.
3.) A drinking problem and drinking too much are the same thing. The difference is mere semantics.
1.) Hyde is in love with Narc. Not only is she in love with Narc, she is all wrapped up in that "total obsession" kind of love.
2.) Hyde does not even mention you on her blog and she does not self-edit. That tells me that you are wasting your time being emotionally invested in her.
3.) A drinking problem and drinking too much are the same thing. The difference is mere semantics.
# posted by : 29 July, 2005 04:46
: 29 July, 2005 04:46
I appreciate your "reality check" although I'm not sure what you intent is. It's not like I'm going to change my opinion of Hyde because I don't think she loves me (which I don't). Funny you should describe time spent with her as "wasted time," I feel like the hours I spend alone every day are the "wasted" ones. Seeing Hyde, on the other hand, makes me feel good. As far as your points:
1) I'm well aware of that, especially now that we've hung out a few times.
2) What? She mentions me all the time! And trust me, she doesn't report everything on her blog. There are subjects/events she keeps to herself. I know because she advised me not to mention certain things about her.
3) I couldn't disagree with you more. I've had plenty of friends over the years who drank too much (some still do) but I don't know anyone with a drinking problem.
1) I'm well aware of that, especially now that we've hung out a few times.
2) What? She mentions me all the time! And trust me, she doesn't report everything on her blog. There are subjects/events she keeps to herself. I know because she advised me not to mention certain things about her.
3) I couldn't disagree with you more. I've had plenty of friends over the years who drank too much (some still do) but I don't know anyone with a drinking problem.
This is really weird, having people talk about me on someone else's blog. In any case, here's what I have to say on the matter:
1.) My drinking (whether it's a "problem" or if it's just "too much") is something that I need to handle on my own. Whether or not Dan accompanies me to a bar does NOT in any way make him responsible for my behavior or my choices--the same way that NDN spilling my drink has basically no impact in the big picture. (And by the way,last night my drinking was totally under control.
2.) In terms of Erika's comment--I may be "in love" with Narc, and I may not be "in love" with Dan, but I DO value his friendship and I certainly don't take him for granted. Dan knows about my relationship with Narc and Dan knows that I wish him all the best in terms of finding a romance that will work for him. He told me how he feels last night because he trusts me. I'm not going to turn around and hurt him in any way...
Anyway, maybe I'm being a little defensive here, but it's weird for me to read of other people discussing my "drinking problem" and my relationship with Narc in a way that implies I'm "no good" for Dan. My life may be chaotic right now, but I do know how to be a good friend.
-hyde
1.) My drinking (whether it's a "problem" or if it's just "too much") is something that I need to handle on my own. Whether or not Dan accompanies me to a bar does NOT in any way make him responsible for my behavior or my choices--the same way that NDN spilling my drink has basically no impact in the big picture. (And by the way,last night my drinking was totally under control.
2.) In terms of Erika's comment--I may be "in love" with Narc, and I may not be "in love" with Dan, but I DO value his friendship and I certainly don't take him for granted. Dan knows about my relationship with Narc and Dan knows that I wish him all the best in terms of finding a romance that will work for him. He told me how he feels last night because he trusts me. I'm not going to turn around and hurt him in any way...
Anyway, maybe I'm being a little defensive here, but it's weird for me to read of other people discussing my "drinking problem" and my relationship with Narc in a way that implies I'm "no good" for Dan. My life may be chaotic right now, but I do know how to be a good friend.
-hyde
It's cool to drink with friends but why the need to drink so much? I don't drink that much and I guess those who do have their reasons but I don't understand it. I have to say Dan, it may make social interaction easier but I don't think it's a great thing to do frequently or to use as a crutch. Once in a while, yeah, one might drink a bit too much, get a buzz going. But my instinct says it's not a good habit, whether or not it is a "drinking problem" or not. Do you think you drink too much or is it a non issue?
I might add I do think having more-than-a-friend feelings for a friend can fuck things up. It doesn't seem to have ruined your friendship with Hyde...although I would think it might makes things hard for you, Dan. But maybe the friendship is strong enough.
And why do you feel hours spent along all day are wasted...is being around other people really all that satisfying or exciting? Don't get me wrong, hanging out with friends is great but time alone is too. Having a balance is good and having the option to see people is good. But maybe you need to be more comfortable in your time alone. It's not all that bad. Do you think everyone else is going out and seeing other people all the time and that everyone is happier or more fulfilled socially than you are? I think a lot of people pretend they are but really aren't.
Whew that was a lot...
See you tomorrow, Dan
I might add I do think having more-than-a-friend feelings for a friend can fuck things up. It doesn't seem to have ruined your friendship with Hyde...although I would think it might makes things hard for you, Dan. But maybe the friendship is strong enough.
And why do you feel hours spent along all day are wasted...is being around other people really all that satisfying or exciting? Don't get me wrong, hanging out with friends is great but time alone is too. Having a balance is good and having the option to see people is good. But maybe you need to be more comfortable in your time alone. It's not all that bad. Do you think everyone else is going out and seeing other people all the time and that everyone is happier or more fulfilled socially than you are? I think a lot of people pretend they are but really aren't.
Whew that was a lot...
See you tomorrow, Dan
No, I'm not worried about my drinking. This has been a heavy week for me, with Mike's party and two nights out (I had one glass of wine tonight, no problem there) but most weeks I barely drink at all, especially now that I'm actually trying to lose weight.
As far as alone vs. public, I just hate being alone. Although I think living with Dad is actually more uncomfortable than being alone. Maybe that's the problem, I'm not getting enogh "alone" time because Dad's almost always here (and even when he's not, it's still his apartment and it feels like it).
コメントがあります？ Type something, please. It's less work for me.As far as alone vs. public, I just hate being alone. Although I think living with Dad is actually more uncomfortable than being alone. Maybe that's the problem, I'm not getting enogh "alone" time because Dad's almost always here (and even when he's not, it's still his apartment and it feels like it).
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