Thursday, June 30, 2005
Learning Curve
Tonight was date night, again. For the record, this was not the same young woman I met on Sunday. This was an entirely different person although I also met her through the personal ads on Craigslist. Unfortunately the results were very similar. The witty, fun banter we shared over e-mail was gone. Instead, there was awkward silences among strained conversation.
What changed from Sunday? Why did I expect this to be different? Well, for one thing, we had exchanged photos so we each had an idea of what the other person looked like. We also went to a place I knew was good, Cafeteria, rather than blindly walking and picking a random stop. Unfortunately, this choice wasn't as perfect as I had hoped as the poor weather forced us to sit inside, where it was on the noisy side (not so great for talking). The food was still awesome though (no, I didn't exactly stick to my new regulations although I did drink a ton of water).
My first instinct is to blame myself. After all, I'm the common element in these dates, right? It seems to be a more likely answer than the notion that two different girls whom I met online would suddenly clam up in person. Do I have a weird vibe? Do I look radically different in person than in my photographs? Or is it something more simple: perhaps all of us were more comfortable communicating with a keyboard rather than verbally? I don't know the answer, but I know I'm not going to stop anytime soon. Any date you can walk away from is a good one (kinda like landings).
What changed from Sunday? Why did I expect this to be different? Well, for one thing, we had exchanged photos so we each had an idea of what the other person looked like. We also went to a place I knew was good, Cafeteria, rather than blindly walking and picking a random stop. Unfortunately, this choice wasn't as perfect as I had hoped as the poor weather forced us to sit inside, where it was on the noisy side (not so great for talking). The food was still awesome though (no, I didn't exactly stick to my new regulations although I did drink a ton of water).
My first instinct is to blame myself. After all, I'm the common element in these dates, right? It seems to be a more likely answer than the notion that two different girls whom I met online would suddenly clam up in person. Do I have a weird vibe? Do I look radically different in person than in my photographs? Or is it something more simple: perhaps all of us were more comfortable communicating with a keyboard rather than verbally? I don't know the answer, but I know I'm not going to stop anytime soon. Any date you can walk away from is a good one (kinda like landings).
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You should not blame yourself...of the millions of women in New York, you have recently gone out with two. Keep that in perspective. You said that the two women (not girls, Dan, c'mon) both clammed up, but maybe you came off more nervous in person than you had via email, too. That's normal, I think. Meeting someone new and sitting through a meal, doing small talk, is not easy. May seem kind of forced? Maybe you should start with drinks or coffee, not a meal. Maybe you could spend some time actually doing something besides staring at each other and eating or drinking. Checking out a museum? Going for a walk? Cooking class? Book reading? Concert? Mini golf at Chelsea Piers? I know your budget is limited and maybe that stuff sounds cheesy but it's involved actual activity...perhaps less pressure? More ideas online?
More advice from a girl: keep asking them out! this is good. and you're on the right track with doing things and going places where you are really confident. show the girl something new, something you know really well and that will open her eyes.
# posted by 
: 01 July, 2005 00:21
: 01 July, 2005 00:21
Sorry it didn't go better! I'm with Hammer... Keep asking them out! Something will work out at some point.
Don't worry, I'll never stop now that I've started. I just need to sort out what's going wrong once we meet.
There's mini golf in this city? Why wasn't I informed?
There's mini golf in this city? Why wasn't I informed?
Dan, Please don't blame yourself, your friends are right. I had a nice time, but I guess we're both shy in person and it's true dinner can be a little nervewracking....keep on trying tho. I'm of the philosophy that there's somebody out there for everyone. And it is a big city :)
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