Saturday, May 21, 2005

This is progress? 

I'm sure you've heard the expression "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." Yesterday I experienced the ups and downs of this saying as I went to see the latest Star Wars film. You would think I would "remember the past" and recall how incredibly lame Episodes I and II were, but I somehow convinced myself this one would be different. Maybe it was the overwhelmingly positive critical reaction as seen over at Rotten Tomatoes. Whatever the reason, I went.

The bottom line is this is not a good movie. Yeah, it's better than I or II, but as this review from The New Yorker keenly notes, "only in the same way that dying from natural causes is preferable to crucifixion." The film's chief weakness is, like the first two, horrible acting. The script is no prize either, but I feel the acting is the greater tragedy. Several serious scenes caused the audience to erupt with derisive laughter. At one point (and I don't consider this a spoiler) Darth Vader wrenches his new body from the operating table looking like Frankenstein's monster before looking upward and bellowing "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" It was hilariously retarded.

It's not 100% lame but every cool moment seemed to immediately lead to a stupid one. There's a nasty CGI bad guy named General Grievous but he inexplicably coughs and chokes throughout the story. The Sith Lord has a really cool voice but his facial expressions are ridiculous. There are flashes of actual political commentary concerning war and the corruption of absolute power but the delivery is so absurd you simply cannot take it seriously.

Rather than elaborate further, I will give you the happy ending to this story. I saw the film at the Clearview Cinemas at 62nd & 1st. The print was scratched and discolored in several places, there were occasional sound "warping" moments and the projection actually began in the wrong aspect ratio and stopped completely during the credits. For a brand-new film, this was unacceptable. I informed the management (after waiting for twenty minutes) and received a free re-admission ticket for my troubles. That greatly improved my mood for the rest of the day.

(Speaking of mood, I saw the dermatologist yesterday and she gave me an ointment that is working wonders on my various "inflammations." It's a little goopy, but less than a day later I can see some dramatic improvement. She also definitively said that this is not cancer.)

So what did I learn yesterday? On the one hand, I foolishly ignored past evidence and assumed Episode III would be cool. On the other, I got a free ticket because I complained about the picture, something I learned from my past experience in movie theaters. All in all I'd say I broke even, but when do I start winning?

Feedback:
Hi Dan,
It's cool you got a free movie ticket after seeing Star Wars.

The General Grevious character was a cyborg, (I looked him up in a Star Wars Tech book at Barnes & Nobel yesterday.) He has biological organs inside his robot body. While he was interesting, I thought he was sort of THROWN into the story as the Bad-Ass of the moment like Darth Maul was. (And all these names Lucus comes up with really need to stop sounding like real words in our language: Maul, Grevious, Sidious, Dooku...
Whateverious Dookie.)

I have to agree with you about the acting in this film, especially with the younger actors like Christiansen and Portman. I think McGregor did well, the only parts of his performance that were silly were the poorly scripted moments.

One great moment in the film was when Yoda threw his lightsaber into the chest of a StormTrooper, ran up his leg, and pulled it from his chest without it turning off like they usually do after leaving the hand of a Jedi. Pretty bad ass.

It was better than the Matrix 3. Oh, wait it was better than Rocky 3...no it was better than Alien 3. FUCK...it was better than Terminator 3. Aight!

Later,
Joe







Ewan McGregor has facial "inflammations" on his face as well.
 
Sure, it's better than T3 and maybe Alien³ but Rocky 3? Mr. T will beat you senseless if he hears that.

However, comparing it to Matrix: Revolutions is pointless. A film of you and I urinating into a can is better than that debacle.
 
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