a history of me

After finally locating an open Kinko's this morning, I now have a decent pile of resumes to pass out. I didn't buy very many since I'm not exactly trying to paper the city looking for a career and any leftovers will be completely obsolete next summer. I spent a decent amount of time on the internet this morning trying to apply for work online. Online applications are often very strange. One in particular (I won't say whose, but it's owned by a large corporation) had me respond to a 37-part psychological profiling exam. Each "question" is a statement and I have to choose between "strongly agree," "agree," "disagree" or "strongly disagree." Some of it is simple stuff like, "I work well with others" but how am I supposed to respond to "It is maddening when the court lets guilty criminals go free?" What does that even mean? By definition, how can they be "guilty" if the court finds them "not guilty?" Is this a trick O.J. question?

Meh, I had better luck this evening as Chuck Palahniuk was in town to read his new book, Haunted. I hope you remember that I first "met" Chuck in Albany last September and I wrote about the experience in detail. In order to best plan my evening I called the Union Square branch of Barnes & Noble for details. They told me that Chuck would be signing books and that they were handing out wristbands to regulate seating at 4:00 PM, three hours before the event started.

I showed up promptly at four to get my wristband. Unfortunately, I forgot to bring my copy of Fight Club which I had bought at Chuck's last appearance. Since he was promoting a new book, I decided the best solution was to buy two copies of that and get them both signed; one for me and one for my good friend Ben who turned me onto Chuck's books in the first place. However, I did not buy them at the B&N. I went five blocks south to The Strand instead. It cost me a few extra bucks but you know they need the money a lot more than B&N does.

Taking some advice from the crew over at Chuck's official site, I immediately returned to the B&N as Chuck has been known to arrive early and start signing. I had a great fourth-row seat and killed time by reading the new book. Pretty compelling and creepy if you ask me. Chuck indeed arrived around 5:15 and started signing everything. Unlike last time, I got up there early so he was talkative and energetic. I didn't really capitalize on that, not really knowing what to say. I contemplated bringing up Albany, the whale porn thing or even the fact that my website was essentially named for his book. Instead I said nothing in particular, just got two personalized signatures and a handshake. No photo this time, sorry. In case you forgot, here's our photo from last time. You might enjoy knowing that same photo appears on Wikipedia's entry for Chuck with my body edited out (my hand is still visible). Wonder who put that there? ^_^

The speaking portion of the event was great. Chuck once again shared some outrageous stories he had heard that were different from the tales he told last fall. Not to get too graphic, but he told us about a fan who showed him an "art project" which contained nothing but photos of naked people whom the fan had found dead in the peep show booth at the porn store where he works. I had no idea that peep show booths were dangerous places but there's one more reason not to go in there: You might unwittingly end up a crudely-posed model in some creep's portfolio. Chuck also read a different story from his book, not "Guts" but "Hotpotting." It was less sexual but no less disturbing. Let's just say there was a reason he distributed meat air fresheners before the reading. I got one but it smelled so foul I threw it away. Speaking of handouts, he again gave out plastic severed limbs. He threw a foot in my direction and both me and this other guy ended up grabbing it. I opted to release it rather than fight for such a novelty item that I have no place to put.

Since I had gotten my items signed ahead of time I was able to leave the reading promptly and still have time to catch some dinner over at the Otafuku, my first visit since returning from Albany. Good lord it was delicious. I fucking love Japanese food, bottom line. I'm not just talking sushi, frankly, I prefer the lesser-known dishes like katsu kare (explained here) or Takoyaki.

Dad's out of town for a few days so I can relax a little...w00t! Party at my place!