a history of me

Today I got one step closer to studying abroad but got no closer to understanding anything.

My priority assignment of the day was to locate the other teacher who had agreed to serve as my academic reference for my study abroad application. I had sent him/her (I am protecting his/her anonymity) an e-mail regarding the form he/she agreed to fill out weeks ago, but I got no reply. My only hope was to leave Acting class in order to show up during his/her office hours. I received a startling dose of humility when the professor recalled my name but did not know who I was. He/she had to interview me in order to fill out the form. I suppose I could have embellished a little but I told him/her what kind of student I was and what grades I received in the class. I then returned to acting class for the conclusion (it's a long class) and came back to his/her office afterwards to pick up the finished document in a super-secret sealed envelope. I delivered the envelope to the study abroad office, effectively completing my end of the application process. The transcripts will arrive whenever they arrive; I can neither accelerate nor hinder that process at this point.

After my classes for the day were over, I didn't rush back to the bus. I went to visit Victor, a fellow member of the anime club I attend. I asked him to try and show me some of the basics of Soul Calibur II. For those of you who don't know, that's one of the more popular 3D fighting games around. I am a veteran of the 2D fighting game and I thought I might try to get a handle on this game as it's played nearly every meeting of the club. Boy was I in for a surprise. The "skills" (and I use that term loosely) I learned in the 2D games did not translate at all to 3D games. I barely lasted ten seconds in these contests. The controls were completely alien to me. The only analogy I could come up with was teaching a dog to speak English, but I suppose that's inaccurate because a lot of people play these games but there are very few dogs who speak English. Maybe it just takes time. After all, Victor had shown me the clock on his game of Soul Caliber and it showed that he had been playing for 100 hours and counting (not in a row, total).

We interrupted my humiliation session for dinner. Victor and I went over to the cafeteria where we discovered a ravenous mob. I've never seen the cafeteria so crowded. It turns out it was Steak Night. This is apparently a big deal to the student populace. I'm not a big steak guy, and this was hardly a quality piece of meat. I don't understand why everyone seemed excited by this offer. No one likes the food here but we all rush to eat it. Shouldn't we be doing something about it? What if they had Steak Night and nobody came? Or am I being too finicky in demanding quality over quantity in an institutional setting? Adding insult to injury, they offered us the same flimsy utensils we always use. I didn't so much "cut" the "steak" as I did pull, tug and tear it apart. Victor laughed and remarked that I bent my fork. My reply: "There is no fork."

After dinner we went back to Victor's room for more gaming. We were planning to go to the club meeting at 8 but that fell through because the space was already booked by another group. So we ended up hanging out for a while and eventually Mikhail, the president of the club, came up and joined us. He wanted to see what, if anything, I had learned about this game. Obviously I didn't learn much and he effortlessly defeated me. After about sixteen losses I encouraged Victor to play against Mikhail. He and Mikhail faced off and Mikhail dominated.

So what does this mean to me? I've put in about one hour and I know nothing. Victor has put in about 100 hours but was no match for Mikhail. Does this mean I should hunker down and train non-stop in order to get a grasp of this game? Would I gain any ground on these people? Is that even worth doing? I mean, this is a game we're talking about, not a language or job skill. How much work should I put into learning a new game? I know quitting is not the best solution when trying new things, but do I really have to try every new thing? We all know the expression, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks." Perhaps a better application in this case is, "The old dog is too old to spend 100 hours learning tricks."

I don't know what the lesson of today's story is. Maybe it's about humility. Maybe it's about fitting in. Maybe it's about crappy steak. Maybe it's about deciding when to give up. All I know is I don't know shit. What's more, I'll never learn shit. All I can hope for is to get to Japan where my shit will suddenly become interesting.

I'm not sure if I'm happy or sad right now.