a history of me

I went with my father and Galina to eat Thanksgiving dinner in Brooklyn this afternoon. We ate with the Sklaren family, some very nice folks that we've known for years. Back in the day we would all go skiing together. Today it was just dinner, but the food was wonderful. In particular, the homemade Hummus was spicy and incredible.

Something, however, was amiss. I found myself in a social situation that I was unsure how to handle. I drank plenty of champagne and wine, hoping to loosen my tongue and ease my anxiety, but it didn't work. I doubt I spoke more than ten times my entire stay. Even though I knew (most of) these people very well, I suddenly felt like I was an outsider. Typical conversation topics included IPOs, how many millions of dollars one should have to live in New York, and the convenience of grocery delivery companies. I felt like raising my hand and saying "Hi. I'm poor."

I know what you're going to say. "Just relax, Dan, no one cares about shit like that, these are friends." I know they weren't judging me, but I didn't know what to say so I didn't say anything. Are these feelings something I can ignore? I don't know what to do. Every single social setting is becoming unbearable, even ones which used to be comfortable. And let's not forget about tomorrow's ten-year high school reunion.

Fuck me.

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My excitement over waking up and spending the day in New York City proved short-lived as it's raining quite steadily here. I really, really hate the rain, and it gave me a thorough soaking as I went about my errands today.

First step was a haircut which was long overdue. I think it's been at least three months since I got my hair cut last, and even then I remember it being a little longer than I would have liked. I went directly to my favorite barber shop, Astor Place Hairstylist. Earlier this year they moved into a basement location (here's where they used to be) but the barber pole is still visible from the street and the price is still right.

After the cut, I went straight to Otafuku for a takoyaki/okonomiyaki combo. Maybe it's been the steady stream of shit I've been fed at UAlbany, but today's lunch was fantastic. I should also mention that last night I ate at Yoshinoya with Taku and Momo, two fellow students whom I drove from Albany to NYC. So I've eaten nothing but Japanese cuisine since coming "home" for the weekend. At this rate I'll spoil myself completely.

Speaking of spoiling myself, I next went to Kim's Video for a little DVD shopping. They always have great prices but they're actually having a sale right now. 25% off everything! I bought three movies for $45: The Killing (see yesterday's post), Sleeper (one of my favorite Woody Allen movies), and the 2004 version of Dawn of the Dead.

I had a need for nicer pants so I went to Macy*s. I hadn't been to Macy's in years and it was even bigger than I remember it. It was quite crowded and I found the experience unpleasant. So much expensive shit and so many people rushing to buy it all! All I needed was a decent pair of pants under $50. I found it, eventually, but the whole trip re-enforced my hatred of shopping. I could go on about the horrors of needless consumption fueled by debt-spending, but I don't feel like souring my holiday mood.

I hope everyone who reads this has a Happy Thanksgiving tomorrow. Even if you're not from the United States, Thanksgiving is an easy, deity-free holiday for everyone to enjoy. Hopefully my sister, Salena, will find some Frenchy equivalent...eat an extra crepe or something.

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I didn't post yesterday because nothing interesting happened all day, I swear. OK, I did watch Stanley Kubrick's The Killing, which was awesome, but that's pretty much all I did. Today is big, though. I'm in the library right now with one last class coming up. In two hours, I'll be free of obligations and break out of this town.

Normally, in such a case, we would expect a reference to coming or going or returning "home." I don't feel comfortable with this notion because, technically speaking, Albany is now my home. Croton is my "hometown" but I no longer maintain a "home" there. I will be staying in my father's home in Manhattan, which I suppose will temporarily be considered my "home" as well, since I'll also be staying there over the upcoming Winter (Christmas) Break and possibly during next summer as well. This is pretty exciting because I've never actually "lived" in New York City before. It's like the song says:

These little-town blues
Are melting away
I wanna make a brand-new start of it
In old New York

OK, I'm exaggerating. The point is I'm looking forward to returning to New York which is, in my humble opinion, the greatest city in the world. The added notion that I will be "living" in said city makes this weekend seem a little extra special, and that's not accounting for my ten-year high school reunion this Friday.

Shit, this is a big weekend.

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It's Sunday night and I'm so not busy at all. The only things standing between me and New York City are two Tuesday morning classes. Speaking of classes, my English teacher actually recommended we watch The Matrix so we can discuss it this week.

Best. Homework. Ever.


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