a history of me

I'm never going through that again. Let me elaborate.

Yesterday was pure good times. I wanted to relax and enjoy myself after spending my entire birthday working on a paper. I almost went to the Health Center to have them investigate my foot, as I had been experiencing new pain in my toes. However, I took a closer look to realize it was just another blister. I don't know why I'm suddenly blister-prone but at this point I know how to deal with them; just soak them in water and wrap with a bandage. They'll disappear in no time.

In what is quickly becoming a regular Friday activity I ate lunch on campus with some Japanese students and then played basketball. Unfortunately, this guy Ryan (he's been in a few photos) showed up with two friends. This gave us nine people, resulting in a grueling 5-on-4 full-court game. Plus his buddies were both athletic, increasing the pace of the game substantially. They were friendly, don't get me wrong, but I just wish we could get together one week without these guys making me look so uncoordinated. Their talent reflects my non-talent.

Afterwards we got together for another dinner at Ichiban. The cast was a little different this time (I'll get you pictures soon) but another good time was had, not to mention another pair of 22oz Kirin Ichiban beers. Afterwards, a select few of us came back to my room and hung out. At first, there was a little friction because Kazu wanted to hear some Christmas tunes which I loathe because I hate Christmas. This was hard for him to understand, and I don't really know how to explain it, a possible indication that my hatred of all things Christmas may be without logical basis. Does hate need logic? Irregardless, I obliged his request and played a few choice cuts.

Later on, we watched The Shining, an excellent movie I had recommended to Kazu after he said The Exorcist wasn't very scary (he also mistakenly thought it was called "The Socialist"). I immediately knew why he wasn't scared by it; the scary atmosphere of the film is heavily reliant on Judeo-Christian concepts like demons, Hell, possession, etc. Fear, like humor, can be very cultural. I suggested The Shining because I thought the spookiness of an empty hotel and a crazed Jack Nicholson would be easier for him to understand. I was right; he loved it. A winner is Kubrick!

Today is when shit got crazy. The Anime Gamers Alliance held a "Japanese Culture Day" on campus. As a member of the club, I was planning on attending, but last week I kinda got caught in a sticky situation. The President of the club asked me to give a little presentation based on some of the stuff I learned in EAS 190. I really didn't feel comfortable but at the same time I knew he was trying to put together something nice, plus I wanted to help the club somehow. So I agreed, and boy did I go into panic mode today. I woke up around 10:30 and freaked out, realizing I was totally unprepared to give a presentation on a subject I had just barely been introduced to. After a mega-shitty brunch, and nearly an hour of "what-am-I-gonna-do?" I gathered a few meek notes and went over to the campus.

En route I managed to calm down. I came to realize that my student presentation would be one of several student presentations, with no risk of failure at all. I could dismiss the samurai as a bunch of faggots and it wouldn't matter. In fact, as I entered the building to meet the others, I repeated a simple mantra: "Consequence free, consequence free, consequence free..."

My nerves were settled when I realized that no one outside of the club was there. I got a little anxious when I realized the two presentations before me were about video games and J-Pop. Not the best lead-in to a discussion of the roots of samurai ethics. In the end, it was fine. I stammered a bit, but I said some stuff that they definitely didn't know before (which I hope was accurate) and I even got a few laughs. Later we all had sushi, ironically from Ichiban again. I guess they are the definitive sushi source around here.

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I did it to myself, partially.

Of course, I didn't finish my paper last night, so I spent most of today writing it. That means I drove to History class at 8:45, came back at 10:05 to write a little bit, back to English class at 11:45, came back at 1:05, had a little lunch, then spent the bulk of the afternoon finishing the paper. In truth, I would have liked to write a little more but I ran out of time. I'm not worried though.

Tonight we watched a goddamn crazy movie in Russian/Soviet Cinema class. It was called Sideburns. It was all about a group of youths who model themselves after famed Russian poet Alexander Pushkin. Somehow this led to gang violence similar to A Clockwork Orange. It was very strange yet compelling at the same time. I certainly didn't feel tired, which was itself a little birthday treat. Not to mention the fact that we only have one meeting left in that class.

After I got home (and started typing this post) some friends appeared and gave me a card and sang "Happy Birthday." I appreciated that. Sadly, they all disappeared and went to a strip club somewhere, something I do not do. Well, that's more beer for me, because my weekend starts now!

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Thanks go to my Mom and Aziz for the early birthday cards. I've still got work to do today, with a couple morning classes and an evening dealy from 5:45 to 8:35. If you want to call tonight, anytime after 9 is cool.

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I've got a paper due tomorrow evening for my Soviet/Russian Cinema class, so I've been a little busy lately getting ready for it. I'm not too worried about this assignment though. I'm doing pretty well in class as I got an A on my midterm. However, this will be the longest paper I've ever had to write, that is, until my English paper due next month.

Speaking of next month, I've noticed that in one week I'll be in New York City to see my Dad and enjoy Thanksgiving. And in one month, I'll be there again for Winter Break. This semester is practically over already!

Before I forget, I should mention that I finally developed two rolls of film yesterday. I scanned a few and added them to some pictures I posted earlier. You can see two new photos from our Ichiban night out as well as a couple new shots from Cooperstown. Also, check out this photo of me shaking hands with Chuck Palahniuk.

I'll scan some more in after I finish my paper, including photos of my room, the University, and my (back-home) friends on Halloween.

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There's an old saying that "idle hands are the devil's playthings." Obviously this saying has meant very little to me since I consider "the devil" to be completely imaginary. But given my recent glut of spare time I have found a new respect for this expression. In my case, my "idle time" leads to far too much self-examination and occasion depression-level slumps.

The best solution, in my experience, is to do something meaningful. Sure, I could waste time playing Grand Theft Auto, but that doesn't accomplish anything. Beer is of similar emptiness. What does feel worthwhile is helping other people with their schoolwork. Now don't panic; I'm not helping anyone to cheat or otherwise circumvent the educational process. It's just that I have a lot friends here who are new to the United States and English is their second language. I can help them prepare for class by reading with them and re-interpreting some of the more difficult concepts. Frankly, it's a service I wish I had for my English class where I find the assigned texts to be very difficult.

So far, my opportunities to provide this assistance have been rare. I've been able to work with Kazu and Sachiko on occasion, but I know I could be doing more. Fortunately, Kazu is enrolling in one of my classes next semester, so we'll be able to work together more often. I wonder if I'll be able to help students in Japan like this?

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We had another pre-dawn fire alarm, the third of the semester by my count. I presume these are not drills anymore, but what are they? Pranksters? Faulty alarms? Actual fires? Which of these is worse? Irregardless, I just want them to stop. It is too cold here in Albany for me to spend another half hour standing outside at 3:30AM.

I clicked onto the New York Times' website this afternoon and found a wealth of articles in this week's Magazine Section. It's all about Movies, which I love and hate almost simultaneously these days. I recommend reading most of the material, rather than any one article, but this got me thinking about something I have in common with the New York Times.

Part of this goes back to brunch this afternoon where I found myself sitting alone despite recognizing at least six different people in the dining hall. Some of them were sitting at tables with no more room, some of them I didn't feel comfortable approaching because I had a very casual association with them, and two in particular walked past me to sit somewhere else. I ended up eating alone at a table for six and feeling pretty crappy, partly due to the poor French Toast and lack of available orange juice, but mostly due to the overwhelming feeling of loneliness I was experiencing. What's interesting here is I had been feeling pretty good just minutes earlier when I walked into the dining hall and recognized so many people which made me feel the exact opposite of loneliness.

After I finished eating I spent at least ten minutes sitting in my seat in the hopes that someone else might walk in and join me, I gave up and returned to my room. It's odd how my roommate's presence actually makes me feel more alone because he is so fucking friendly and spends so much time with his friends or on the phone with his girlfriend to whom he can't stop professing his love in spoken word as well as song. His presence (and music) also forces me to "hide" in my own room behind my headphones, the only escape I have, the only door I can close between me and him (he and I?).

Where does the New York Times come in (or better yet, when do I make my point)? In reading some of today's articles about the oddities of American cinema or the dearth of Asian stars in Hollywood, I realized that the Times was touching on problems I had recognized and regretted yet offered no real solution. The Times can outline everything that's wrong in the world but can't answer even the smallest problem. That's how I feel. I always know what I'm doing wrong but I can't seem to fix it. All I do is think about stuff that I don't like and feel bad about it. The Times and I should adopt the slogan "All problems, no solutions." I could make that into a T-shirt even.

Where am I going with this? Do I have an answer? Of course not. I've realized that this blog is as much a record of shit I do as it is a means of working out the twisted wiring inside my head. It's not a true diary as it's written to be read publicly rather than sit under my pillow. It's closer to a message board or forum in that I'm trying to translate my life into a discourse. If I got more feedback I could even open an actual message board where everyone could post and talk about whatever they wanted. I'd like that.


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