Saturday, November 06, 2004
Blisters Blow
I'm assuming you listened to yesterday's post. Today's details won't make as much sense if you didn't.
After a lifetime without a single blister, I developed my second blister in three months yesterday. The last one was one my thumb, but this one is on the sole of my left foot. It hurts whenever I apply pressure to it, so now every step hurts something awful. I'm also really sore after yesterday's full court session of basketball under UAlbany's inflated dome known as The Bubble. Good thing I've got a whole weekend of nothing to do. I should probably get back to Grand Theft Auto sooner or later. No big deal if I don't, but I'd hate to let it go to waste. It's not that drive-by shootings aren't fun, it's just that I automatically prioritze real-life over fantasy. Someday, I really will write down everything I feel about video games. Seriously. I promise.
Speaking of wanton gang violence, we all had a little scare after eating out. We took the #10 bus to the restaurant which is not the usual student-heavy #11 bus that goes to the main campus. Going to the restaurant, it was full of mothers carrying babies; not dangerous but a little noisy. Coming back was when shit got uncomfortable. We (myself and a number of Japanese exchange students) encountered two youths who I would classify as "ignorant" and "frightening." One of them was staring directly at the exchange students, eventually injecting himself into their conversation by barking at them "Don't talk about me!" Kazu tried to be courteous, stating that they were not talking about him, but he kept butting in with similar wisdom. I had a snappy comeback ready ("They're not talking about you, they're talking about your mom") but wisely declined to abstain from engaging this primate in fear of violent retribution. My suspicion turned out to be based in reality, as his companion (who had been obscured from view when the encounter began) turned out to be holding a knife in his hands, idly opening and closing it. No violence was ever threatened, but as soon as we got off the bus we all reacted in fear to the knife he had been brandishing.
In my demented, fantasy-plagued mind, I wanted him to use the knife. I find myself constantly imagining violent scenarios where I am threatened but end up fighting back and killing the aggressor, leading to admiration from my peers. It's a sickness, really, to fantasize about murder as self-defense for petty rewards. Ultimately, it's one of my least embarrassing fantasies so I am willing to share it on the Internets for everyone to read.
つづく... (Click here to read more)
After a lifetime without a single blister, I developed my second blister in three months yesterday. The last one was one my thumb, but this one is on the sole of my left foot. It hurts whenever I apply pressure to it, so now every step hurts something awful. I'm also really sore after yesterday's full court session of basketball under UAlbany's inflated dome known as The Bubble. Good thing I've got a whole weekend of nothing to do. I should probably get back to Grand Theft Auto sooner or later. No big deal if I don't, but I'd hate to let it go to waste. It's not that drive-by shootings aren't fun, it's just that I automatically prioritze real-life over fantasy. Someday, I really will write down everything I feel about video games. Seriously. I promise.
Speaking of wanton gang violence, we all had a little scare after eating out. We took the #10 bus to the restaurant which is not the usual student-heavy #11 bus that goes to the main campus. Going to the restaurant, it was full of mothers carrying babies; not dangerous but a little noisy. Coming back was when shit got uncomfortable. We (myself and a number of Japanese exchange students) encountered two youths who I would classify as "ignorant" and "frightening." One of them was staring directly at the exchange students, eventually injecting himself into their conversation by barking at them "Don't talk about me!" Kazu tried to be courteous, stating that they were not talking about him, but he kept butting in with similar wisdom. I had a snappy comeback ready ("They're not talking about you, they're talking about your mom") but wisely declined to abstain from engaging this primate in fear of violent retribution. My suspicion turned out to be based in reality, as his companion (who had been obscured from view when the encounter began) turned out to be holding a knife in his hands, idly opening and closing it. No violence was ever threatened, but as soon as we got off the bus we all reacted in fear to the knife he had been brandishing.
In my demented, fantasy-plagued mind, I wanted him to use the knife. I find myself constantly imagining violent scenarios where I am threatened but end up fighting back and killing the aggressor, leading to admiration from my peers. It's a sickness, really, to fantasize about murder as self-defense for petty rewards. Ultimately, it's one of my least embarrassing fantasies so I am willing to share it on the Internets for everyone to read.
つづく... (Click here to read more)
Quasi-Federal Rock n' Roll
Funny story here from the New York Times concerning the Postal Service and the Postal Service. The former is the (not quite) federal agency that delivers the mail, the latter is an "indie" electronic rock band. The former once warned the latter of copyright infringement, but now the two sides have agreed to work together, with the former selling music made by the latter and the latter serving as a promotional tool of the former.
Does this mean there will be songs about the efficiency of Priority Mail?
つづく... (Click here to read more)
Does this mean there will be songs about the efficiency of Priority Mail?
つづく... (Click here to read more)
Friday, November 05, 2004
Friends
Thursday, November 04, 2004
Way to Go, Cerebro
Nothing like a little cold rain and harsh reality to cool my hot head from last night. After writing a high-and-mighty post about my new, cerebral outlook, I promptly took a big dump on my History exam this morning. Then I got my English paper back (after nearly a month) and discovered I scored a 16.5 out of 20. That's 82.5%, barely considered a B-.My presentation grade will have to wait until all the presentations are finished, so at this rate I won't get that until after Thanksgiving. Speaking of disappointments, I didn't get my midterm back from Soviet/Russian Cinema either (two weeks old now), so that's still out there as well. Not a good day for grades
Where's the silver lining? Well, the History test had an extra five points on it, so I could conceivably pull a B on it if my sputtered answers score a decent amount of partial credit. The English paper is a relatively small grade compared to the final paper and the class participation grade, so I still have a shot for a decent grade in the class. I am very frustrated to discover my poor grades this far into the semester, though. I'll be visiting the professor tomorrow to discuss the class, as I don't want to fall further behind in this highly theoretical class which I am suddenly behind in.
Believe it or not, there is a piece of good news. My hat has finally been identified as a skimmer. A worker in the Dutch Quad dining hall saw my hat and said "Wait one second" and ran in the back. He came back with a brown hat very similar to mine, but without the feather. He said it was made in New York City by a now-defunct company. I told him I bought mine in Philadelphia and I had wondered what to call it. He said he didn't know what the real name was, but he called it a skimmer and others called it a "brim" or a "lid." Given the options, I'm going with Skimmer or The Skim.
Then he gave me a cheeseburger.
つづく... (Click here to read more)
Where's the silver lining? Well, the History test had an extra five points on it, so I could conceivably pull a B on it if my sputtered answers score a decent amount of partial credit. The English paper is a relatively small grade compared to the final paper and the class participation grade, so I still have a shot for a decent grade in the class. I am very frustrated to discover my poor grades this far into the semester, though. I'll be visiting the professor tomorrow to discuss the class, as I don't want to fall further behind in this highly theoretical class which I am suddenly behind in.
Believe it or not, there is a piece of good news. My hat has finally been identified as a skimmer. A worker in the Dutch Quad dining hall saw my hat and said "Wait one second" and ran in the back. He came back with a brown hat very similar to mine, but without the feather. He said it was made in New York City by a now-defunct company. I told him I bought mine in Philadelphia and I had wondered what to call it. He said he didn't know what the real name was, but he called it a skimmer and others called it a "brim" or a "lid." Given the options, I'm going with Skimmer or The Skim.
Then he gave me a cheeseburger.
つづく... (Click here to read more)
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
Contemplation
...that's the word of the day! After much thought, I've decided not to sweat the election so much, and allow a little optimism to creep in. It's possible that George W. Bush actually meant what he said today:
"To make this nation stronger and better, I will need your support and I will work to earn it. I will do all I can do to deserve your trust. A new term is a new opportunity to reach out to the whole nation. We have one country, one Constitution, and one future that binds us.To make this nation stronger and better, I will need your support and I will work to earn it. I will do all I can do to deserve your trust. A new term is a new opportunity to reach out to the whole nation. We have one country, one Constitution, and one future that binds us."
After I wasted most of the afternoon on my computer, not counting the time I spent helping Sachiko with her homework, I turned on the TV and received some sweet inspiration. Our channel lineup recently expanded, so I don't know what channel it was on, but I found myself watching a documentary on Stanley Kubrick, a filmmaker I greatly admire. I may have very well seen this documentary before (it was narrated by Tom Cruise) but on this occasion I got something very different from the experience.
I became keenly aware that Stanley Kubrick was, first and foremost, an artist whose medium was that of film. All the negativity about him concerning his stubbornness or obsessive attention to detail was a testament to his level of commitment. I then became aware that, more than anything, I wanted to be known as an artist, or at least someone who created something.
What does this mean? Well, I can't draw, and I have little tolerance for arts & crafts or anything messy, so nearly all traditional forms of "art" are out. Music is a possibility, as I am keenly aware of it, but I would require some training in the field in order to actually create it rather than merely enjoy it. I suppose filmmaking is my dream job, but so long as I'm dreaming I might as well wish for something practical like an MP3 player. The easiest medium for me to invade would be writing as it requires very little "training" other than continual editing and consultation and I write stuff all the time for free.
Now don't worry that I've somehow cracked from despair and will be leaving school, far from it. I will continue my plans to study Japanese unabated. However, I cannot deny that a yearning to create art has gnawed at me for quite some time, and if an opportunity to realistically pursue that desire surfaces I may take it. If that opportunity comes at all, I suspect it will be after I have a degree in something or other.
I've got to study for a history exam tomorrow, so I'll stop short of elaborating on this plan. But whatever you do, stay tuned to feitclub.com for the latest machinations of my brain.
つづく... (Click here to read more)
"To make this nation stronger and better, I will need your support and I will work to earn it. I will do all I can do to deserve your trust. A new term is a new opportunity to reach out to the whole nation. We have one country, one Constitution, and one future that binds us.To make this nation stronger and better, I will need your support and I will work to earn it. I will do all I can do to deserve your trust. A new term is a new opportunity to reach out to the whole nation. We have one country, one Constitution, and one future that binds us."
After I wasted most of the afternoon on my computer, not counting the time I spent helping Sachiko with her homework, I turned on the TV and received some sweet inspiration. Our channel lineup recently expanded, so I don't know what channel it was on, but I found myself watching a documentary on Stanley Kubrick, a filmmaker I greatly admire. I may have very well seen this documentary before (it was narrated by Tom Cruise) but on this occasion I got something very different from the experience.
I became keenly aware that Stanley Kubrick was, first and foremost, an artist whose medium was that of film. All the negativity about him concerning his stubbornness or obsessive attention to detail was a testament to his level of commitment. I then became aware that, more than anything, I wanted to be known as an artist, or at least someone who created something.
What does this mean? Well, I can't draw, and I have little tolerance for arts & crafts or anything messy, so nearly all traditional forms of "art" are out. Music is a possibility, as I am keenly aware of it, but I would require some training in the field in order to actually create it rather than merely enjoy it. I suppose filmmaking is my dream job, but so long as I'm dreaming I might as well wish for something practical like an MP3 player. The easiest medium for me to invade would be writing as it requires very little "training" other than continual editing and consultation and I write stuff all the time for free.
Now don't worry that I've somehow cracked from despair and will be leaving school, far from it. I will continue my plans to study Japanese unabated. However, I cannot deny that a yearning to create art has gnawed at me for quite some time, and if an opportunity to realistically pursue that desire surfaces I may take it. If that opportunity comes at all, I suspect it will be after I have a degree in something or other.
I've got to study for a history exam tomorrow, so I'll stop short of elaborating on this plan. But whatever you do, stay tuned to feitclub.com for the latest machinations of my brain.
つづく... (Click here to read more)
what happened?
I don't know what to do or think or feel right now.
Am I wrong?
Are the Republicans deceiving the public, or am I unable to grasp their arguments?
Am I ammoral to support the left?
Should I run away? Or stay and shout at people that this country is descending into madness?
How long will it be before we start another war? Or someone destroys Grand Central Station at rush hour? Or will the end justify the means? Maybe the Republican agenda will wipe out terrorism at the mere cost of a million human lives? If you compare one million dead to the billions that would live, that's not a bad trade-off.
I'm scared.
つづく... (Click here to read more)
Am I wrong?
Are the Republicans deceiving the public, or am I unable to grasp their arguments?
Am I ammoral to support the left?
Should I run away? Or stay and shout at people that this country is descending into madness?
How long will it be before we start another war? Or someone destroys Grand Central Station at rush hour? Or will the end justify the means? Maybe the Republican agenda will wipe out terrorism at the mere cost of a million human lives? If you compare one million dead to the billions that would live, that's not a bad trade-off.
I'm scared.
つづく... (Click here to read more)
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
Communication Party
No further word on my grades in English. Possibly Thursday. I am patient but spending a month in the dark has been very frustrating.
After classes I finally found myself in the weight room, a.k.a. the "Wellness Center." I spent about an hour in there, mostly on the treadmill because that's super-easy to operate. The weight machines require some complex contortioning, but I gave them a whirl all the same. Ideally, I should be able to visit the Wellness Center several times a week, seeing as I have so much free time.
Speaking of free time, I opted to spend the evening helping some of Japanese friends with their Communication homework. It's pretty theoretical, like my English class, so I hope I was able to shed some light on their material. They're still here right now, even though I used the past tense to describe them. I have no class tomorrow so I'll spend as much time with them as they need.
No comment on the election results thus far. We won't know anything with any certainty for days.
つづく... (Click here to read more)
After classes I finally found myself in the weight room, a.k.a. the "Wellness Center." I spent about an hour in there, mostly on the treadmill because that's super-easy to operate. The weight machines require some complex contortioning, but I gave them a whirl all the same. Ideally, I should be able to visit the Wellness Center several times a week, seeing as I have so much free time.
Speaking of free time, I opted to spend the evening helping some of Japanese friends with their Communication homework. It's pretty theoretical, like my English class, so I hope I was able to shed some light on their material. They're still here right now, even though I used the past tense to describe them. I have no class tomorrow so I'll spend as much time with them as they need.
No comment on the election results thus far. We won't know anything with any certainty for days.
つづく... (Click here to read more)
Do It. Do It.
Here on the East Coast, polls are already open. I mailed in my absentee ballot on Friday. It is imperative that you VOTE TODAY.
If, for some reason, you are still undecided, I invite you to read about each candidate right now: John Kerry and George W. Bush.
There's no such thing as "not voting." When you decide not to vote, you are defaulting to the incumbent.
Don't be a fucking moron; Vote Today!
つづく... (Click here to read more)
If, for some reason, you are still undecided, I invite you to read about each candidate right now: John Kerry and George W. Bush.
There's no such thing as "not voting." When you decide not to vote, you are defaulting to the incumbent.
Don't be a fucking moron; Vote Today!
つづく... (Click here to read more)
Monday, November 01, 2004
Don't Fret for Feit
Sunday, October 31, 2004
Nearly Negligent
I would be remiss I did not take one post to mention my friend David on his 28th birthday. Yes, his birthday is today, Halloween. If you think that makes him weird, it doesn't, but he is. I mailed David a present which he enjoyed, a T-shirt from Gameskins.com because David loves video games like I used to. I still like them but he still loves them.
つづく... (Click here to read more)
つづく... (Click here to read more)
Second Verse?
Not the same as the first, though. Ten years ago, when I first went to college, I was a miserable student. I was fed up with school and frustrated by high school life in general, so I failed miserably. However, I fell in love, and by February she fell in love with me...or so I thought.
I don't want to get into that story, but here's the point: This time around, I'm looking at the opposite problem. Right now my grades are fantastic, possibly Dean's List material. Socially, however, I am failing miserably. Last night's party was a textbook example of my ineptitude.
It was at a restaurant that had been rented out by a fraternity, supposedly. Mostly international students were in attendance; I heard about it from the Japanese students I've met here at the dorm. I revised my Michael Moore costume as I figured the international crowd would be even less interested than the Hampshire crowd. So I broke out my Russian/Soviet Officer's hat, wore some matching clothes, and went as a...shit, I don't know, a guy in a Russian hat. You don't have to be something specific for Halloween, in my opinion. Hell, some people weren't wearing costumes at all.
Once inside, I bought a few drinks but I was too uncomfortable to dance or talk to people. I spent the entire evening standing around like a security guard, observing rather than attending the party. My hat turned out to be a Russian policeman's hat, so apparently I looked just like a fucking cop. That'll win people over! Irregardless, the failure was mine, not my hat's, so I can't blame my clothing for a solitary evening in room full of people. OK, that's a slight exaggeration, as I was introduced to a young woman from South Korea who I attempted to connect with. I say "young woman" not to artificially inflate her status, but because she was of an indeterminate age. She could be anywhere between 24 and 36. Aside from debating the "scariness" of Kim Jong Il, we never really got around to whatever it is you say to someone that expresses affection. She left, and given the number of students at this university I'll probably never see her again to follow up. My night mercifully ended around 3AM when I, in classic "nice guy finish last" style, walking behind this guy with his girlfriend because she was wearing my coat.
Chuck Palahniuk once described himself as "socially retarded." I don't have that problem because I'm reasonably intelligent; I know what I'm supposed to do, but I can't...or won't...do it. Perhaps I'm "socially constipated?" I sit and sit but never seem to shit. All I seem do is think. I can plan, ponder, think, and consider, but never do anything. My interests are all internal and isolated. I'm tempted to say something callous like "ignorance is bliss," based on who seems to be more socially adept, but that's inaccurate. My friends are all intelligent and thoughtful and socially active. So what do I want? What's the answer? Am I depressed? I don't know, maybe. I have been. I just feel unable to act, impotent if you will. I need potence; I need power, authority, assertiveness. And I think it has to be learned, because at this point I've got none of those things.
つづく... (Click here to read more)
I don't want to get into that story, but here's the point: This time around, I'm looking at the opposite problem. Right now my grades are fantastic, possibly Dean's List material. Socially, however, I am failing miserably. Last night's party was a textbook example of my ineptitude.
It was at a restaurant that had been rented out by a fraternity, supposedly. Mostly international students were in attendance; I heard about it from the Japanese students I've met here at the dorm. I revised my Michael Moore costume as I figured the international crowd would be even less interested than the Hampshire crowd. So I broke out my Russian/Soviet Officer's hat, wore some matching clothes, and went as a...shit, I don't know, a guy in a Russian hat. You don't have to be something specific for Halloween, in my opinion. Hell, some people weren't wearing costumes at all.
Once inside, I bought a few drinks but I was too uncomfortable to dance or talk to people. I spent the entire evening standing around like a security guard, observing rather than attending the party. My hat turned out to be a Russian policeman's hat, so apparently I looked just like a fucking cop. That'll win people over! Irregardless, the failure was mine, not my hat's, so I can't blame my clothing for a solitary evening in room full of people. OK, that's a slight exaggeration, as I was introduced to a young woman from South Korea who I attempted to connect with. I say "young woman" not to artificially inflate her status, but because she was of an indeterminate age. She could be anywhere between 24 and 36. Aside from debating the "scariness" of Kim Jong Il, we never really got around to whatever it is you say to someone that expresses affection. She left, and given the number of students at this university I'll probably never see her again to follow up. My night mercifully ended around 3AM when I, in classic "nice guy finish last" style, walking behind this guy with his girlfriend because she was wearing my coat.
Chuck Palahniuk once described himself as "socially retarded." I don't have that problem because I'm reasonably intelligent; I know what I'm supposed to do, but I can't...or won't...do it. Perhaps I'm "socially constipated?" I sit and sit but never seem to shit. All I seem do is think. I can plan, ponder, think, and consider, but never do anything. My interests are all internal and isolated. I'm tempted to say something callous like "ignorance is bliss," based on who seems to be more socially adept, but that's inaccurate. My friends are all intelligent and thoughtful and socially active. So what do I want? What's the answer? Am I depressed? I don't know, maybe. I have been. I just feel unable to act, impotent if you will. I need potence; I need power, authority, assertiveness. And I think it has to be learned, because at this point I've got none of those things.
つづく... (Click here to read more)
unpaid advertising...I'm no sell out!
