a history of me

I went with my father and Galina to eat Thanksgiving dinner in Brooklyn this afternoon. We ate with the Sklaren family, some very nice folks that we've known for years. Back in the day we would all go skiing together. Today it was just dinner, but the food was wonderful. In particular, the homemade Hummus was spicy and incredible.

Something, however, was amiss. I found myself in a social situation that I was unsure how to handle. I drank plenty of champagne and wine, hoping to loosen my tongue and ease my anxiety, but it didn't work. I doubt I spoke more than ten times my entire stay. Even though I knew (most of) these people very well, I suddenly felt like I was an outsider. Typical conversation topics included IPOs, how many millions of dollars one should have to live in New York, and the convenience of grocery delivery companies. I felt like raising my hand and saying "Hi. I'm poor."

I know what you're going to say. "Just relax, Dan, no one cares about shit like that, these are friends." I know they weren't judging me, but I didn't know what to say so I didn't say anything. Are these feelings something I can ignore? I don't know what to do. Every single social setting is becoming unbearable, even ones which used to be comfortable. And let's not forget about tomorrow's ten-year high school reunion.

Fuck me.