a history of me

...that's the word of the day! After much thought, I've decided not to sweat the election so much, and allow a little optimism to creep in. It's possible that George W. Bush actually meant what he said today:

"To make this nation stronger and better, I will need your support and I will work to earn it. I will do all I can do to deserve your trust. A new term is a new opportunity to reach out to the whole nation. We have one country, one Constitution, and one future that binds us.To make this nation stronger and better, I will need your support and I will work to earn it. I will do all I can do to deserve your trust. A new term is a new opportunity to reach out to the whole nation. We have one country, one Constitution, and one future that binds us."

After I wasted most of the afternoon on my computer, not counting the time I spent helping Sachiko with her homework, I turned on the TV and received some sweet inspiration. Our channel lineup recently expanded, so I don't know what channel it was on, but I found myself watching a documentary on Stanley Kubrick, a filmmaker I greatly admire. I may have very well seen this documentary before (it was narrated by Tom Cruise) but on this occasion I got something very different from the experience.

I became keenly aware that Stanley Kubrick was, first and foremost, an artist whose medium was that of film. All the negativity about him concerning his stubbornness or obsessive attention to detail was a testament to his level of commitment. I then became aware that, more than anything, I wanted to be known as an artist, or at least someone who created something.

What does this mean? Well, I can't draw, and I have little tolerance for arts & crafts or anything messy, so nearly all traditional forms of "art" are out. Music is a possibility, as I am keenly aware of it, but I would require some training in the field in order to actually create it rather than merely enjoy it. I suppose filmmaking is my dream job, but so long as I'm dreaming I might as well wish for something practical like an MP3 player. The easiest medium for me to invade would be writing as it requires very little "training" other than continual editing and consultation and I write stuff all the time for free.

Now don't worry that I've somehow cracked from despair and will be leaving school, far from it. I will continue my plans to study Japanese unabated. However, I cannot deny that a yearning to create art has gnawed at me for quite some time, and if an opportunity to realistically pursue that desire surfaces I may take it. If that opportunity comes at all, I suspect it will be after I have a degree in something or other.

I've got to study for a history exam tomorrow, so I'll stop short of elaborating on this plan. But whatever you do, stay tuned to feitclub.com for the latest machinations of my brain.