Sunday, July 11, 2004
Hot Group Action
I know I'm going to lose some female readers here (sorry, Salena) but I have a few words regarding pornography. Over the last three days I have watched the Paris Hilton sex video in its entirety three times. At no time was I alone nor did I really want to watch it; I just happened to be in three separate situations where someone else wanted to watch it. Now I'm no prude when it comes to sexuality and I've tried to be frank in this blog when it comes to my own feelings or fantasies, but I do not like watching pornography with other people.
This attitude goes back a long way. I used to have sleepover birthday parties and at one of them a buddy brought over some X-rated movies. Don't ask me who was in them or what they were called because I could barely watch them. To me, they were disgusting. At that point in my life I had a few Playboy magazines under my bed but that was the extent of my female experience. I suppose the whole thing could have been a shock to my system. At one point I asked if anyone else was bored watching the sex but nobody said a word. I took that as a "no."
As years went by I gradually became "exposed" to explicit images at my own pace and today I maintain a modest collection of "erotica" for my private use. But I am still uncomfortable when watching it around other people, even when it is something I have seen many times by myself. Am I uncomfortable about being aroused in front of others? I doubt it. Does it reflect my feelings of loneliness? Possibly. Does it illicit feelings of guilt? Maybe, but I think it's more about keeping my habits separate. A good example is my drinking habits. I enjoy getting drunk but I do not like drinking alcohol with meals. I want to enjoy the pleasure of eating apart from the relaxation of getting drunk. Similarly, I don't want to mix the feelings I get from porno with my attempts to be social.
I'm not saying I'm right. Frankly, I think I should find a way to get over it (whatever "it" is) and not be such a head case all the time. I should be able to sit back and laugh at it, because let's be honest, most pornography is pretty silly. Especially when it's Paris Hilton getting out of bed to answer her cellphone. Talk about obnoxious!
This attitude goes back a long way. I used to have sleepover birthday parties and at one of them a buddy brought over some X-rated movies. Don't ask me who was in them or what they were called because I could barely watch them. To me, they were disgusting. At that point in my life I had a few Playboy magazines under my bed but that was the extent of my female experience. I suppose the whole thing could have been a shock to my system. At one point I asked if anyone else was bored watching the sex but nobody said a word. I took that as a "no."
As years went by I gradually became "exposed" to explicit images at my own pace and today I maintain a modest collection of "erotica" for my private use. But I am still uncomfortable when watching it around other people, even when it is something I have seen many times by myself. Am I uncomfortable about being aroused in front of others? I doubt it. Does it reflect my feelings of loneliness? Possibly. Does it illicit feelings of guilt? Maybe, but I think it's more about keeping my habits separate. A good example is my drinking habits. I enjoy getting drunk but I do not like drinking alcohol with meals. I want to enjoy the pleasure of eating apart from the relaxation of getting drunk. Similarly, I don't want to mix the feelings I get from porno with my attempts to be social.
I'm not saying I'm right. Frankly, I think I should find a way to get over it (whatever "it" is) and not be such a head case all the time. I should be able to sit back and laugh at it, because let's be honest, most pornography is pretty silly. Especially when it's Paris Hilton getting out of bed to answer her cellphone. Talk about obnoxious!
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Hey Dan,
Yeah that Paris Hilton video was pretty crazy. I know what you mean about watching swank in groups. I had to use the bathroom for like 3 or 4 minutes. Aw who am I kidding? It was more like 50 seconds, nobody noticed I was even gone.
Yeah that Paris Hilton video was pretty crazy. I know what you mean about watching swank in groups. I had to use the bathroom for like 3 or 4 minutes. Aw who am I kidding? It was more like 50 seconds, nobody noticed I was even gone.
You didn't lose me. I took a chance and actually read what you have to say. The fact that you don't want to watch porn among friends makes sense to me. I'm not sure what the appeal of that situation would be.
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